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Spritestuff · 01-24-2024, 03:49 AM

In Collaboration with Naomiemannequeen BUT THEY GET NOTHING. NOT SPLIT PAY. NOOOOTTTTHING (4097 words)

"Let's see... who's Calgary going to pick?" Jason said, watching eagerly, waiting for the name to be announced. Jason was a Calgary local reporter and analyst, brother of Jeremy who was more commonly known as TheSHLGuy. Trying to make it big, Jason finally got the chance as he'd be able to interview the two first round draft picks that Calgary would be making during the S75 draft. After the last name had been called, it was finally time for Calgary to be on the lock. As the few minutes wound down before Calgary made their pick, Jason just hoped that Calgary didn't name a single person in the draft. Anyone but them was fine. There were so many people that declared for the draft there's no way that Calgary would pick him right? He was a dark horse for the 1st round, Jason knew that, but everyone was projecting him to go lower, there was no way they'd draft what everyone thought would be off the board, right?

"With the 16th overall pick, The Calgary Dragons are proud to select, from the Carolina Kraken, Jack Keigan."

"Of course they fucking did..." Jason mumbled to himself. This was finally his chance to go big and of course the one player that Calgary drafted was the one player that Jason didn't want to interview. With a dejected sigh, Jason got up and ready. As soon as Jack Keigan or Jumpshot as they called him would have gone through the whole draft pictures, interview on the main desk and all of those shenanigans, his interview would be next. There wasn't too much time before that would come and thus Jason prepared himself for the interview, figured out which questions he'd need to ask Jumpshot and he asked the make-up station to help him better cover his black eye. Once his preparation time was up, he got up, breathed in a deep sigh and went to where he was assigned for his interview.

Making his way to the designated spot where the interview was to take place, Jason ran over the questions he had prepared in his mind. There wouldn’t be second chances at this. He had to get this interview right or it might just end up being his last. The audience tennded to be unforgiving.
Waiting and waiting, Jason got anxious as finally, Jack “Jumpshot” Keigan had finally arrived. It took him a moment to realise but soon after he noticed Jason, his eyes lit up.

“Oh hey! It’s the Wendy’s guy! How’s your eye, mate?” Jack said, taking a moment to look for a producer as two employees quickly start to get Jack mic’d up. “Oi, this gonna be alright? You know there’s a lil history here, yeah?”

“We know. Jason has been selected for this interview as he’s honestly one of the best local interviewers in the Calgary sports industry. He’s mentioned the situation to us and we chose him so long as he remains professional during the interview. Please do not try to egg him on too much, alright?” The producer responded before continuing. “We’ll be live in about 2 minutes.”

Jack flashed back a cheeky smile, an unmistakable level of gremlin energy hiding below the surface, “Yeah alright! I won’t egg him on… too much”

The producer knew that exactly 0 promises were made there, but what could he do? Not have the Calgary's Dragons first draft pick interviewed on their Calgary based television show? He just crossed his fingers, hoping it wouldn't get too messy as he directed Jack in front of the camera, into a plush comfortable chair.

“For fuck’s sake.” Jason mumbled to himself, barely audible as he definitely didn’t want to have Jack hearing his animosity. For a moment longer he waited, gathering every last piece of patience deep in his soul before finally speaking aloud to Jack.

“A pleasure to meet you. I’ll be running with the standard set of questions today,” Jason said before being cut off by Jack. Jack leant forward, his wild grin growing

“Ah come on mate, surely you’ve got a couple special questions for me! This is your big shot right?”

Ignoring the previous comment while trying to be professional, Jason simply continued talking, “The draft, a little bit about yourself and what fans can expect from you on the ice. That alright with you?”

Jack simply gave two thumbs up, revealing a small cut on his right knuckle. Jason shuddered, all too familiar with where it came from.

“We’ll be live in 5, 4…” the producer said, continuing the countdown down to 0 with his fingers. And thus, the interview finally began.

“Jason Landon of CTV News Calgary, I’m here today with Jack Keigan, officially drafted 16th overall by your Calgary Dragons! Jack, how are you doing today?”

Jack pointed his finger towards Jason in sudden recognition, “Oh! Hey hey, aren’t you Jeremy Landon’s brother? I love that guy’s vids! He wasn’t available to do this? What’s he like in real life? Is he nice?” he asked excitedly.

Jason was thrown for a complete look, the mere mention of his more successful brother enough to ruin his entire day, “I… uh… yeah, he’s my brother and he’s alright? I suppose.” Jason blinked hard, trying to reset his brain and get back into interview mode. This was going to be a hard one, “Either way Jack, I’m excited to meet you. The first thing we all want to know at home is exactly how do you feel about the draft? Tell us about where you ended up being drafted, both in position and in place? And are you excited to be a part of the Calgary Dragons organisation? How does it feel to be wearing that jersey right now?” Jason finished, a little nervously, just trying to get through this piece as quickly as possible.

Jack laughed, “One question at a time mate! Uuuummm, okay, so I’m pretty happy to be picked by a Canadian team. There’s that commonwealth connection and you guys use metres so that’s handy. Less gun violence too, so that’s a winner. I was wondering what it’d be like having a family over here and that's one less big thing to worry about. A lot of Aussies see the great white north as kinda like a brother country. We call ya cold aussies sometimes. And we’re hot canadians” Jack laughed before tugging on his brand new Calgary Jersey, showing off the dragon clearly to camera, “And come on, best Jersey in the league right? I can’t wait to get to wear it out on the ice in front of everyone. Love me some red!”

“Great to hear that you’re excited to join Calgary, I’m sure the fans love your answer and yeah, indeed we do use metres! Glad to have an Australian player join the SHL. While you certainly aren’t the first to join the league, you all are still a rare bunch. How do you feel about representing your country in the SHL?”

“It’s a big honour, there’s a lot of eyes on me back home, so I need to make sure I keep them proud, and not let the pressure get to me too much. Still getting used to driving on the wrong side of the road though.” said Jack with a wink.

This visibly irritated Jason as he then took a moment to recollect and refocus. “Y-Yeah, it must be really hard to adapt to the driving conditions of Canada and the US. Sure hope you don’t cut anyone off by accident. Though, I’m sure people would understand if it was explained calmly to them.”

“You’d think so wouldn’t you? That people could be adults about that whole situation. Hypothetically of course. Hypothetically though, if that person was really really drunk, and being a complete and total bloody #$%#, then there could be hypothetical trouble. Hypothetically.” replied Jack, his grin becoming a little smaller.
“But I’m a pretty big guy, so I can handle myself no problem. Had to throw my weight a little in the SMJHL, but most players were smart enough to not start anything.”

Seeming to get more visibly upset by the response, Jason tried his best to act professional
“Well, I’m sure if this hypothetical situation happened, then that hypothetical person might be going through a really hard time right now”

Jack raised an eyebrow “That’s not much of an excuse mate, a lotta people have stuff they’re dealing with, but that doesn’t give them an excuse to go out and act like that. I am sorry to hear about that though, I didn’t know”

Jason coughed, “Hypothetically.”

“Hypothetically of course.” Jack nodded.

“Moving on, is there anything that you’ve particularly enjoyed about the US and Canada ever since you moved here for your career in the SMJHL and now the SHL?” Jason asked.

“The Baconator from Wendy’s.” Jack said flatly.

“So you don’t have Wendys in Australia?”

“Nah, it’s mostly like KFC and Maccas, doesn’t stack up though. Sorry, I mean McDonald’s. We call it Maccas in Australia.” said Jack, pondering upon the many below average burgers he’d consumed in his youth. The Baconator was certainly something different. It was a worthy opponent, a delicious battle between man, beef and will. Jack had vowed to eat one every day, and so far, he had.

“I see, well hopefully you got the chance to get your Baconator recently. So, going back to Calgary, many scouting reports said that Calgary was looking for someone who was a little tougher and on the bigger side of things, coming at 6 foot 3 inches and 220 pounds, you certainly fit the bill! You’ve also been known to have an intimidating presence out on the ice, hoping to protect teammates, do you think this is something you’ll be bringing into your play over in the SHL once you graduate?”

Jack pondered the question, considering giving his first sincere answer for the interview, “My size has always been a part of my game, but not in a particularly aggressive way. Sure, I hit a little harder than others in my age-group but I’m not trying to injure anyone. I don’t like to start stuff out on the ice, or piss people off. There’s a little more to it than the big hits though, there’s other ways size can be used on the ice, within reason of course, like just because I’m out there screening the tendy, doesn’t mean I have to be a jerk about it, which a lot of other bigger players think is just a part of the game. Stick your ass in their face and call them a scrub, but it isn’t actually a part of the game. There's no rule that says an enforcer and a pest are the same thing. You can stick up for teammates without starting anything, or getting nasty or personal. It’s like Roosevelt said ‘speak softly and carry a big stick’. Yeah, I can knock your lights out if it comes down to it, but I have better things to do out on the ice, which is where I actually want to be, where I think I can do the most to help the team win games. That’s what I think a real enforcer should be, it's not about revenge, it's about preventing the bad shit before it even happens. A big ass stick.”

Jasons eyes narrowed, letting a small sliver of anger out “Knocking someone’s lights out huh? Speaking like you’ve had a lot of experience with it despite not wanting to really get in a tussle.” Jason suddenly remembered he was in fact, on live television and turned his tone back to a friendlier place. “But I do think that’s actually a very noble point of view. After all, how’s the enforcer going to enforce his will on the ice if he’s in the penalty box?”

“Exactly” nodded Jack in agreement. “You gotta play it smart”

“Let’s see… You got 8 goals and 25 assists this season for a total of 33 points in the 66 games played this season. Usually, that’s not the type of performance you see from first round picks, but Calgary definitely seemed to put the trust in you. Are you happy with your performance this season as a rookie? Is there anything you’d do different if you had to play this season all over again?”

Jack leaned forward, his brow furrowed slightly, “Okay, first of all Jason, respectfully, go and bloody fuck yourself, secondly, I am extremely happy with my debut performance playing professional hockey. I managed to do all that 5 on 5, no special teams and on my off side! Despite all that, I wouldn’t change a bloody thing. Calgary seemed pretty happy with how I went so why shouldn’t I be? Not the type of performance from a first round pick, my lord. You watch it mate.”

Jason turned to the producer, his eyebrows raised at the second curse word Jack had uttered on live television. The producer just beckoned for him to continue, so Jason just decided to ignore the large Australians aggression and launched into his next question, “You’re right, Calgary saw something in you. That’s why you were picked 16th overall. Then how about we talk about the future. What do you want to work on for next season in order to improve to the potential Calgary saw in you?”

“Yep, one goal in particular. Get bigger.'' Jack replied as he pulled a fresh Baconator covered in ranch in a zip lock bag out of his pocket, devouring it in two colossal bites. Finishing with a loud burp, Jack continued, “I also want to get a couple more goals, work on my rebound shooting. Work on my skating, being a little faster wouldn’t hurt”

Visibly distraught for a moment by the belching Australian, Jason waited for the moment to pass, wiping a bit of expelled Baconator and ranch dressing that somehow landed on his chin. Disgusting.

“So just looking to improve overall, right. Well… do you believe you’ll be playing a more important role next season? The Kraken definitely needs someone to step up, do you think you can fill those shoes and become the piece that the Kraken needs to perform at a playoff level?”

Jack crossed his arms, not particularly happy with Jasons implication. Was he trying to tick him off? Did he really think that was a good idea considering their history? “If you look at the overall standings, we were a lot better than some teams that did make the playoffs, we were just in an incredibly tough division, and we’re only getting stronger as a team. I’m not going to pretend we were going to win the cup last season, but I mean, look at how well Betzee Nickleback and Rence Sykut played, those are two of the best players in the league in my opinion. Cob O’Corn was an absolute beast as well.
I think people are going to be surprised at just how far the Kraken goes this season. I’m going to step up my game for sure, I’ve got a much better feel for the game in North America, and that’ll make a difference, but the idea that we’re not a playoff team is just dumb. There’s no magical piece missing. The Kraken are a bloody good team. You’d know that if you’d done your homework.”

Jason also looked pretty annoyed by the response. The tension was honestly rather palpable in the air, but Jason decided it was best, both for the interview and for his career, not to escalate the situation further, and tried to reel it back with his next question.

“Carolina and Calgary fans are definitely going to be happy to hear that you believe in your team and that you aim to step it up to a much higher degree to hopefully lead them into the playoffs. Speaking of leading teams towards playoffs contention, it’s no surprise that Calgary has been slowly rebuilding their roster. They seem to be on the upswing now with some of their rookies finally making the roster, how do you feel about being on the tailend of that rebuild, potentially being the one or two missing pieces that Calgary needs to become a strong team in the future?”

Jack gritted his teeth “As per my last email mate, the Kraken are already a very strong team. The rebuild is over, and we’re going to show the world that we have what it takes to compete. My lineys Melon, Bjorn and I are gonna have a 50 point season, just you go and bloody watch”

Jason coughed, “I… believe you misunderstood me. I mentioned being part of the tailend of the Dragon’s rebuild, not Carolina.”

“Oh right, sorry. Uuuh, yeah, so I’ve talked to the coaches and they’ve been pretty clear in what kind of role they want me to play.” Said Jack, his face turning as red as his hair. It was a pretty embarrassing to get caught on live television. “I know I can do that for them, so I think I can really help out in that regard. I’m just very excited to be on the same team as some really talented hockey players. The two Solberg twins were Calgary’s first round picks last season with Frøya at 1st overall and Sonja at 12th and I’m not going to lie, I’m really looking forward to getting to play with them both. Maybe we’ll play on the same line, I think I would be particularly helpful there, tucking in some juicy rebounds you know?”

“Well, great to hear that you’re excited to play with some of your future teammates! I’m sure they’d be glad to hear that excitement from you. We don’t have too much time left so I suppose I’ll leave you off with the general few questions. Why should Calgary fans be excited for you?”

Jack finally gave a real smile “I think because I’m loyal. Calgary has faith in me and I’m not going to let them be disappointed. That’s a big responsibility that I take very seriously. Calgary might become my third home now, and I’m going to look after my home.”

Jason… actually smiled back after seeing the genuine smile and earnest response from Jack. Maybe there was some chance of salvaging the interview after all.

“Loyalty is a virtue that’s quite important to a lot of SHL teams. I’m glad to hear that you wish to keep your faith in Calgary as they put their faith in you. So the final question of the night. What are some of your hobbies? The fans probably want to get to know you. What do you wanna tell them about you or what message do you have for all of the viewers over in Calgary right now?”

Jack scratched his chin, “Ummmm, I'm learning to play the flute. I like Magic the Gathering… I used to play basketball so I like that too… oh yeah, Hockey. I love hockey. Oh but that’s not a hobby for me anymore! That’s my job” the large Australian redhead laughed, “I guess my message to Calgary is ‘lookout calgary! I’m coming!’ Oh and does anyone want to play Magic with me!” he finished with a sheepish grin.

“Well, hopefully someone will. Thanks again for your time Jack, I’m sure you’ve got a lot of people to talk to tonight ” Jason said with a cheesy smile directly into the camera.

Jack slapped Jason on the shoulder as he rose from his chair, “For sure! Thanks for doing this interview with me man, I appreciate it. Is it okay if I leave you my card? It’d be really cool to do an interview with your brother too. Cheers mate”

The smile on Jason’s face immediately ceased as soon as Jeremy was mentioned. It was rather obvious by the way his demeanour changed that this was a big trigger for Jason, something that deeply affected him. A moment that would later be replayed in many meme compilation videos. Nonetheless, trying to be professional, he answered.

“Y-Yeah sure, I’ll give it to him when I see him. Either way, that was all from us here at CTV news from Calgary. We’ll be right back after a commercial with 17th overall pick Fredrik Gronlund! Thank you Jack. Calgary will see you on the ice.”

“Perfect! Nice cut, good interview,” The producer said before making his way to Jack. “And thank you for taking the time to do this interview Jack. I know these last few days have been extremely busy for you. Congratulations on 16th overall. You’re gonna make it big in the SHL buddy.”

Jack shook hands with the producer, walking out with them and chatting about something out of earshot. As soon as the tall Australian left the room, Jason scowled, crumpling up Jack's card in his fist and throwing it just next to the wastepaper basket in the corner of the room.
“Can you believe the nerve of that guy?” Jason hissed at his producer as soon as he walked back in, “Give my card to Jeremy. Yeah right. Screw off buddy”

The producer shrugged, “I dunno Jay, he probably doesn’t know about your whole ‘inferiority complex towards your brother’ thing.”

Jason glared, “I don’t have an inferiority complex about my brother!”

The producer just shrugged again, not willing to play this game for the 100th time, “Okay, suit yourself bud.”

“Hey guys!” The cameraman called over, staring intently at something on his phone screen, his lips curled into a tight frown “go on youtube right now. Search for ‘asshole gets decked at Wendys’, it’s the fourth one from the top”

Jason's face went white as a sheet. He didn’t need to see that video. He knew exactly what happened in it, and not because the title had left little to the imagination. He knew because he was the asshole who got decked at Wendy's. The fourth one at least.

The producer held his phone up close, in a hope that maybe the cheap security cam footage wasn’t clear enough to distinguish anyones faces, alas, there it was, clear as day, Jason Landon, drunk as a skunk, getting out of his car and waving his fist angrily at a tall red haired man in a cheap rented Subaru.

“Oh god Jason, you didn’t tell us you were this drunk. You should not have been driving!” Said the producer angrily.

Jason's head was firmly in his hands “How drunk do I look on camera?” maybe some of the younger audiences might not realise.

The Producer just shook his head, “Well, you’re only wearing one shoe for starters… hang on, what’s Jack saying?”

The video had bad, scratchy audio, but Jason remembered the entire scenario quite clearly, “he was apologising…”

“What?”

“He was apologising for cutting me off!” Jason barked, anger being a much easier emotion to cope with than embarrassment.

The producer could barely stand to watch the rest of the video, even if the cameraman was loving it, stifling little giggles under his breath. Jason had just started poking Jack in the shoulder, having to reach up considerably to do so. Jack responded with an unmistakable warning. You don’t always need audio to figure out when someone is saying “do that again and you'll regret it”
But do that again Jason did, and ended up getting a solid shove from Jack, landing hard on his bottom. It was designed to hurt pride more than anything and it could have been much worse. If Jason wasn’t drunk that is. A drunk man's pride is even more important than his own safety, and he stumbled back on his feet, throwing a wild punch at the back of Jack's head, who had already started walking towards the Wendys, no doubt set on acquiring a Baconator.

The producer covered his mouth with his hands “Jesus Christ Jason!” shocked at what happened next.

It took less than two seconds. After the glancing blow to his head, Jack spun around and grabbed Jason by the collar. BAM
BAM
BAM
Jack punched him three times in rapid succession, almost like a blur. Immediately Jason was put to sleep, the only thing keeping him up was Jack's grip on his collar. Jason dropped like a sack of potatoes on the floor as soon as Jack let go, ragdolling helplessly. It was quick, it was messy, it was viral.

“Oh god no” Jason whimpered at the view count.

3 million and counting.

*NaomiMannequeen* · 01-24-2024, 03:55 AM

Not everyone can be as cool as your brother Jeremy, Jason. Still got a couple issues you need to figure out buddy!

Fantastic read Sprite! Happy to work with ya on it.

Btw I will say this in case graders aren't sure, no split pay! Give it all to Spritestuff!

*Pyro182* · 01-24-2024, 08:21 AM

As one of Jack's teammates I think it was very unprofessional of Mr.Jason Landon to egg Jack on during the interview.

TheOPSquid · 01-25-2024, 10:32 AM

01-24-2024, 03:49 AMSpritestuff Wrote: He knew because he was the asshole who got decked at Wendy's. The fourth one at least.

Great article! This line killed me, can't wait to hear more about the Aussie's future endeavours!

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