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*Eggcracker* · 11-25-2024, 04:21 PM

WE ARE BACK BABY (BABIES?)! After a long hiatus since S73, there is life in the Blizzard locker room!

Welcome to the new and improved Season 79 edition of the Blizzard Awards. This season has truly been one for the ages, with ups and downs, milestones, record attempts, and departures. With another season at the bottom of the standings (but this time felt different), there’s definitely something on the horizon and we are very proud of each and every player for all their contributions, big or small. The locker room is abuzz and the pipeline is full, a category 5 blizzard is incoming.

If everyone can get to their seats, the awards ceremony will start shortly. Refreshments and washrooms will be closed for the duration of the show. Cell phones and recording devices will be confiscated at the doors. And all ticket holders must subject to DNA registry as well as a thorough body cavity search before entry.

*HFFO sings the national anthem and the Edmonton Blizzard Awards theme song*

TONY PEPPERONI AWARD

Team MVP

We always start the awards off with the most prestigious honour before devolving into chaos, as we know most of you can’t be bothered reading past the first few paragraphs of my degeneracy (looking at you @Frenchie).

The Tony Pepperoni, whom this award and our arena is named after, celebrates the player that embodies what it is to be a Blizzard. Excellence, perseverance, and leadership on and off the ice. The award is given to the team MVP as voted on by their fellow teammates. There was no vote this season, because lazy. But also, since this is the last time HFFO and Egg will be hosting the awards, they thought they would flex the ultimate power trip one last time before getting fired into the Sun.

The Season 79 Tony Pepperoni Award winner is *drum roll*…………………………

Alexa Johansen! (@cake307)

66GP – 45 G, 44 A, 89 Pts, 107 Hits, 288 SoG, 80 OGR

Alexa is truly deserving of the Tony Pepperoni. She has become a true leader on the team and in the locker room. Leading the team in points all season long

Making a positive impact in the war room and around the league, we are proud to have her on the team. Congrats!

TEDDY CUDDLES AWARD

Most Physical

The award goes to....

Alexa Johansen! (@cake307)

66GP – 45 G, 44 A, 89 Pts, 107 Hits, 30 PIM, 28 TA

Tony Pepperoni Award – Check

Leading Team and Rookies in scoring – Check

Leading Team in hits – Check

The Teddy Cuddles award is given to the player that embodies the toughness and grit it takes to be a Blizzard. Alexa Johansen is known for throwing pucks into the net and then throwing the bodies of our enemies into piles in the corner. A textbook power forward, hurting the opponent on and off the scoresheet. Congratulations @cake307, it looks like you’ll need to make some room for all the awards in your future.

TOR TUCK AWARD

Best Defensive Player

The Tor Tuck is awarded to the player who best demonstrates defensive excellence in their play. Laying their body down for the team and sacrificing themselves (and points) night in and night out to prevent a little black vulcanized rubber disc from entering their net.

Congratulations to....

Dash Jackson (@Dash)

66 GP, 55 Hits, 65 TA, 187 SB

With a shaky duo in net and an even shakier defensive partner, Dash Jackson was the anchor on the backend and led the team in blocked shots with 187 (could you imagine how many more goals there would have been), with the team dead last in goals against with 361. Dash did amazing with the hand that he was dealt, and hopefully with team chemistry building, the core developing further, Dash will be able to flourish into a bonafide shut down defender in seasons to come.

UNSUNG HERO AWARD

The Unsung Hero Award is presented to the player that contributes to the team on and off the ice, though it may go under the radar, the player is integral to the teams (future) success. They may not have the most points, or the highest TPE, but they are just as important for their efforts and contributions.

Congratulations to….

Matviy Cajabi (@bobdigi9) Heart

DRAGON SLAYER AWARD

Into Dragon Dom Roleplay

This ain’t How to Train your Dragon, Dragon Slayers are feared by a certain population in Southern Alberta, as they are known for their prowess of dispatching dragons with ruthless efficiency. The Dragon Slayer Award is given to the player who racks up the most points against our provincial rival.

Congratulations to….

Benjamin Sukhi-Ze’ev (@HoltzFan10)

6 GP – 5 G, 7 A, 12 Pts

SETH PLAUT AWARD

Absolute GOON

I don’t know what the new hip gen Z definition of GOON means (nor do I want to), but this isn’t that. The Seth Plaut award is given to the player that was the most violent, aggressive individual throughout the season. Racking up PIMS, smoking cigarettes, and getting into fights (on the ice).

And the award goes to….

Matviy Cajabi (@bobdigi9)

38 PIMS, 1 Fight, 1 Fight WIN

TOTAL WHITEOUT AWARD

Most Improved

With the HUGE turnover of the roster from bottom dwelling rebuild to bottom dwelling rookie development, there was only 1 active player that was on the roster last season AND this season for the “Most Improved” category to count.

Congratulations to our resident old man and record chaser….

Steve Harrington (@Lime)

S78 -> S79 Improvement (LOL, I’m so sorry):

66 GP: -6 G, +3 A, -3 Pts, +18 PIM, -1 Hits, -11 GA, -5 TA, +5 SoG

(H)omey (F)riends (F)ound (O)nline AWARD

Positive Presence in LR

This player is always here for a good time, through thick and thin. Supporting the team and their teammates when in need or just hanging out in the locker room. Side effects may include but are not limited to sudden onset of baldness, urge to tamper, inability to consume beans.

The HFFO Award goes to....

Gwendolyn Telenn (@Revontulete)

EYE OF THE STORM AWARD

Loudest Voice in LR

The Eye of the Storm is unironically named for the player who is the least quiet and calm.

This player can always be found in multiple channels single handedly keeping the locker room afloat, and leveling up their pokemon at an ungodly pace. Cocaine is a hell of a drug and we love them for it. This award was never in doubt since this player has joined our team.

As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the morning worm or something.

Congratulations to the new GM daddy!

@Gyro_Hero

GET CRACKING AWARD

Most Whipped

This award is given to the player who needed the most gentle and loving motivation to do their PTs and tasks. They try to blame it on timezones or work or something, but they secretly just love being whipped.

Get your stuff done….smh

Gwendolyn Telenn (@Revontulete)

EGGCRACKER TAMPERING MEMORIAL AWARD

Most Beloved Non-Teammate

THIS IS NOT A TAMPER, JUST LET ME HAVE THIS, IT’S MY LAST AWARDS AS CO-GM. PUNISH HFFO, NOT ME.

@RAmenAmen congratulations on your 2 cup wins, but I bet they pale in comparison to winning this one.

Blizzard

And that's it folks! Thank you for sticking around for the entire thing. It has been my pleasure to be a Blizzard co-gm and to serve all the Blizzards that have come and gone. Thank you to @HabsFanFromOntario on taking a chance on a newgen barely 1 season old, it has been an honour to be your first mate, your second in command, your sidekick. Not your right hand though, i've seen the things you do with it. I'm glad we at least won a cup for our efforts.

The team is in good hands with @Gyro_Hero, I know you will make us all proud and bring the cup home to Edmonton. I will be a Blizzard for life (unless you trade me of course), all the friendships and internet strangers I've met has made my time here as co-gm truly special.

HabsFanFromOntario · 11-25-2024, 04:28 PM

Egg my beloved <3 amazingly written with horrible puns and wit as is your standard. I love you and you were the best Co-GM anybody could ask for

spidey · 11-25-2024, 04:30 PM

May be the greatest accompaniment statement to go with an award EVER!

Side effects may include but are not limited to sudden onset of baldness, urge to tamper, inability to consume beans.

Gyro_Hero · 11-25-2024, 04:44 PM

Egg you beautiful, ventricular bean - I promise that you’ll be a blizzard for your whole life long, until we do as we all must, and take out our back behind the shed - but be happy, those days are still a long ways away ♥️

Thank you for the lovely words and the amazing kindness for your fellow teammates c: we’re all gonna go far together!

HoltzFan10 · 11-25-2024, 04:59 PM

Love u eggy <3

cake307 · 11-25-2024, 09:26 PM

Egg you beautiful Egg. Pepperoni is my favorite kind of pizza

Dash · 11-25-2024, 11:13 PM

Woop Woop. congrats team on a great season!

RAmenAmen · 11-25-2024, 11:58 PM

Winning the Seany award may be my greatest lifetime achievement. I'm honored!

***Frenchie*** · 11-26-2024, 08:19 AM

11-25-2024, 04:21 PMEggcracker Wrote:
We always start the awards off with the most prestigious honour before devolving into chaos, as we know most of you can’t be bothered reading past the first few paragraphs of my degeneracy (looking at you @Frenchie).

why tf am I being called out, i didn't do anything. That's gonna cost you a couple spanks docked from your weekly spank allocation smh

***Seany148*** · 11-26-2024, 08:41 AM

I love you Egg pls come whip more

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