After fairy dust and glitter was plopped on to the ice one last time it was time to adress the disappearances of Mr.Wert , Mitchell dambach, Robb Wind,

We now take you to West Kendall where Mr. Wert magically floated from montreal after bear macing the crowd.


Mr. Wert goes and does 28 back flips while floating on oxygen. He rips the mic out of the reporters hand. And says....

I am ready scream out answers. Ask questions.


Recap your season.

I took the back pack along with robb wind and damby. We carried our team up a mointainous region known as the super major hooker league. We scored goals got points and ended up in first place. We were at fist place for the longest time. Eventually we traded our defense core for no reason. Ended up getting shrekt and detroit snorted magical fairy dust and passed us. I ended up with 54 points to end the season. We were faced up against a weak opponent the montreal impact. Atleast we tho7ght they were weak because we beat them everytime in the regular season. But hey regular season does not count much during the playoffs. So basically the regular season is a big fat con into thinking your team is good when it is apparently the worst in the league. Havjng this big ego ended up killing us in the long run. We were somehow swept which hinestky is so messed up. Especially that last game. Where I came to the realization that all the SMJHL really is, is a day care center full of kids doing macaroni art and glitter projects to get free brownie points until you hit the big leagues. I am now leaving that behind. Starting a new journey with hopefully less glitter projects and magical fairy dust that screws over logic completly. Next question!



Goals for next season?

My goal for next season is help my team the West Kendall Platoon make the playoffs. Simple as that. I want to contribute as much as I can. So that my team makes thenplayoffs because they have missed it the past 2 season which is unfortunate. So being huge depth on the third line will help us win games in the long run. I wantnto be able to score that big goal. Make that big play that heps us win games. Even make the small plays which seem to make a difference no matter what. Even if you are about to die I need to give it my all to contribute to such a wonderful organization. Next question!


Things to improve on

Not hitting the post? Haha just kidding. I will be mainly focus on what my team needs. If it is offense I will put more into scoring. If they need more defensive forwards I will put stats into defense. I wam going to build and improve myself to what my team needs. I am a team player like that. For example the crows needed a goal scorer. I scored 28 goals that season. So what ever my team needs you can count on me improving that aspect of my game. Next question please!


were the crows updated tho?

Honestly I think so or atleast I hope so. Yea I am sure they were but sometimes mistakes are made and autism intensifies but other than that things seem to be going wellmwith the updaters this season. Unlike last season where a 70 tpe difference that everyone makes fun of for some reason goes missed and possibly costed us a birth to the finals. Anyways that seems to be fixed now good luck you day care teacher. Do not forget to stock up on glitter and magical fairy dust. Next question please :!

Why is wert a bust?

Here are 3 main reasons that I am a bust!

#1 He is mr steal yo girl!
you know that chick you were dating and she magically so called moved? She did not move very far just into my apartment so we could have unlimited amount of smexy sex I know you feel uncomfortable talking about this but yea. They move away...to my bedroom

#2 He forgot that he "broke" his pass buton.
you know when you drafted him you asked why he never passes? Well I will tell you why. He broke his pass button on purpose so he did not have to pass when with the puck. He gcould just shootm1000 times and no reprucussions will happend because his pass button is legitmatly broken. Somnext time you are on a 2 on 0 just remember it will be a rebound or a goal. Win win situation? You decide!

#3 He steals jobs
not only does he take up a roster spot! He takes your job away as well right from under your nose! Younwere GM a minute ago until Mr Wert comes in and jacks in fpright from you and trades you away so you have nothing! You have lost all you have worked for! Absoultly amazing work by the best GM of the year Mr RIP Bojo Wert.

Next qustion please!

Plans for WKP future?
That is simple. I have one job. I get paid 4 million dollars a year to take up a roster spot and literally piss off bojo as much as I can. I will do this by putting everything intompenalty shot and fighting. Also into checking so I murder kids and make them cry on the ice. But mostly so I beat his penalty minutes record and make it so he loses games. For example we are up 9 to nothing. I take 27 game misconducts for whiping out my ding a ling and urinatingnof the ref. Sfterwards I pinch him out take his whistle chuck it into the crowd and knock a 4 year oldmout woth the metal whistle. I then proceed to take the opposong goaltenders mask smash it on the ice. We then are down for 27 games a man down due to my amazing actions. See bojo? Do not liss me off I will run this team into the ground in a instant! Lol jk <3 you bojo Next question please!


How are you going to feel about pandar mocking you in our locker room from now on?

Well if he says anything. Things will start to disappear. For example that car he is going to buy. That will simply be gone. Oh yea that smoking hot babe he wants to date? Gone so fast in a blink of an eye. That mansion he isngoing to buy down in Maimi? Smashed down to the ground. Into a pile of sand and dog fecies. He better smarten upmor else other things will go missing. Such as his jockstrap every game and every practice. He had a dream of having children when he was smart and did not mock me. Bit then his jock strap was gone forever. So was his left testicle. You fight the bull you get the horn lf a rhino in your butt. You better watch out you scrub Pandar I am coming for you if you mention one more thing about the glitch on the STHS! Next question please!

How much will you suck in the SHL?

I will suck greatly. I believe I will have the rookies curse of doing absolutly shit every rookie season. You can count on me to blow ass every season actually. The only reason I will suck is becaise bojo is going to yell in my ear like he usually does. WHY HAVE YOU NOT HIT 900 TPE YET? and such yelling and yodeling matches we have are on the context of things that are really not important. Next question please!

what is platoon?

The definition of platoon is in canadian terms: In the Canadian Army, the infantry Platoon Commander is a Lieutenant or Second Lieutenant, assisted by a Platoon Warrant (who may hold the rank of Warrant Officer, but is often a Sergeant). It is usually divided into three eight man sections and a heavy weapons detachment which will deploy a GPMG, and a Carl Gustav, depending on mission requirements. Sections are commanded by a Sergeant or Master Corporal with a Master-Corporal or Corporal in the second in command, or 2IC, position; six of the eight soldiers in a section will carry C7 or C8 assault rifles fitted with either optics or a grenade launcher and two members will carry C9 LMG's. A section is broken into two assault groups of four men, with one LMG and three assault rifles, similar to the British and Australian organization.

Three to five infantry platoons will make up a typical infantry company, sometimes with a heavy weapons or support platoon in addition. Specialist platoons, like reconnaissance, or "recce", platoons, that may be attached to a battalion may be led by a Captain and assisted by a Warrant Officer. Some very large specialist platoons will actually have a Lieutenant as the second-in-command. In many corps, platoon-sized units are called troops instead.

Prior to 1940, a platoon might be commanded by either a warrant officer WO III or a lieutenant. An officer was referred to as "platoon commander", while a WO III in the same position was called a "Platoon Sergeant Major" or PSM. YOU SATISFIED PUNK? It is a war term which means we kick more ass then the rest of the teams. next question please!


You ever figure out what under the arch meant?

Yes I did it was a tourist attraction that signified that playoff run that was the st louis crow. You see the arxh is the team in a sense. In the regilar season we go up up up up. Then in the playoffs we arch down and plummet into the ground completing the arch of shittieness. It takes a special someone to lose a 5 goal lead. Honstly in the third period too. So dumb! Next question please!

whatnare you most looking forward to next season.

Yelling at you everytime you make a mistake! It will be revenge for cheating your way into the thing calledmthe playoffs the previous season. Even though you came last place. Just kidding. I am looking forward to playing with new teammates and dealing with the shenannigans of bojo and schmidt and ohtaay. I hopefully csn bring this team into a position where we are winning and we make thenplayoffs unlike the last two seasons. Excitingly enough I think we can do it. I see the pieces being out together and theynare literally almost perfect! It makes me excited for next season for sure. Maybe I willmget 5 goals this season. Or am I looking to far ahaead of my self! Only the future can tell. Please do not be rude to me new locker room buddies

That is all the time we have! Thank you for joining us in this exclusive interview with the new guy who floated to the SHL in a instant good job! And see you next time on let us interview pissed off people 9 o clock wednesdays!


About 2k words (2000 words)

HOW MUCH DICK DO THE ST LOUIS SCARECROWS SUCK?

(this question is completely out of anger)

Why do you think the Impact were able to dominate the series despite being the heavy underdogs and winning just two games against you all regular season?

What do you think you should have or could have done better in the series?

How many Impact fans did you bear mace?

Did any of them die?

Was this your final SMJHL game of your career? Are you leaving on a bitter note?

Where do you think the Scarecrows went wrong in this series?

Poopity Scoop
The Greatest Name of All

Ah yes, the veteran meme player. A surefire bet for maybe 400 TPE

Scoop AINEC

^^^^^ Thank you JSSSSS

^^^^Credits to Snussu^^^^

You guys did well against the Impact in the regular season, what happened out there in the playoffs?

LW - Rainbow Dash - Updates
[img=0x0]https://i.imgur.com/eM6YKiW.gif[/img]
Rainbow Dash Fan S24-Present
SHL Commissioner S34-S52
New England Wolfpack GM S30-S40
Montreal Milita Co-GM S26-S29

- Recap your season.
- Goals for next season?
- Things to improve on?

Stavros Kondos || F || Seattle Argonauts



Theo Kondos || F || S77 HoF - Jesster & Darr - CC x2 || 
-- CAREER STATS --
-- SHL Regular Season --
S58 - GP:66 | G:17 | A:36 | P:53 |  SOG: 130 |  HITS:35  |  TOI: 17:32
S59 - GP:66 | G:14 | A:36 | P:50 |  SOG: 181 |  HITS:41  |  TOI: 18:15
S60 - GP:66 | G:19 | A:37 | P:56 |  SOG: 184 |  HITS:44  |  TOI: 18:34
S61 - GP:66 | G:32 | A:26 | P:58 |  SOG: 188 |  HITS:48  |  TOI: 19:50
S62 - GP:66 | G:21 | A:32 | P:53 |  SOG: 207 |  HITS:57  |  TOI: 20:36
S63 - GP:66 | G:23 | A:40 | P:63 |  SOG: 297 |  HITS:90  |  TOI: 22:00
S64 - GP:66 | G:27 | A:59 | P:86 |  SOG: 237 |  HITS:110 |  TOI: 21:30
S65 - GP:66 | G:39 | A:46 | P:85 |  SOG: 240 |  HITS:161 |  TOI: 21:59
S66 - GP:66 | G:39 | A:65 | P:104| SOG: 230 |  HITS:134 |  TOI: 22:08
S67 - GP:66 | G:27 | A:38 | P:65 |  SOG: 177 |  HITS:164 |  TOI: 21:40
S68 - GP:66 | G:19| A:41 | P:60  |  SOG: 177 |  HITS:159 |  TOI: 19:51
S69 - GP:66 | G:16| A:41 | P:57  |  SOG: 143 |  HITS:110 |  TOI: 19:21
S70 - GP:66 | G:11| A:37 | P:48  |  SOG: 120 |  HITS:123 |  TOI: 18:40
S71 - GP:66 | G:30| A:36 | P:66  |  SOG: 199 |  HITS:126 |  TOI: 20:46
-- SHL Playoffs --
S58 - GP:12 |  G:2 |  A:7   |  P:9   | SOG: 16  | HITS:6  | TOI: 17:35
S59 - GP:16 |  G:6 |  A:10 |  P:16  | SOG: 33  | HITS:4  | TOI: 19:39
S60 - GP:9  |  G:0 |  A:5   |  P:5   | SOG: 23  | HITS:11 | TOI: 18:55
S61 - GP:19 |  G:6 |  A:12 |  P:18  | SOG: 47  | HITS:18 | TOI: 19:21
S62 - GP:24 |  G:9 |  A:11 |  P:20  | SOG: 75  | HITS:34 | TOI: 20:55
S63 - GP:9  |  G:0 |  A:3   |  P:3   | SOG: 37  | HITS:20 | TOI: 22:21
S64 - GP:13 |  G:3 |  A:10 |  P:13 |  SOG: 58 | HITS:31 | TOI: 22:55
S65 - GP:17 |  G:3 |  A:7 |  P:10  |  SOG: 46 | HITS:46 | TOI: 22:21
S66 - GP:14|  G:8|  A:12 |  P:20  |  SOG: 56 | HITS:22 | TOI: 21:59
S67 - GP:7 |  G:0 |  A:4  |  P:4  |  SOG: 18  | HITS:9 | TOI: 22:01
S68 - GP:15|  G:5 |  A:12 |  P:17 |  SOG: 56 | HITS:27 | TOI: 21:45
S69 - GP:7|   G:1 |  A:6 |  P:7 |  SOG: 14 | HITS:19 | TOI: 19:59
-- SMJHL --
S54 - GP:50, G:7, A:7, P:14, SOG: 47, HITS:31, TOI: 11:22
S55 - GP:50, G:13, A:16, P:29, SOG: 98, HITS:35, TOI: 18:09
S56 - GP:50, G:18, A:26, P:44, SOG: 128, HITS:35, TOI: 16:53
S57 - GP:66, G:26, A:26, P:52, SOG: 220, HITS:48, TOI: 19:05
-- AWARDS --
S54: Drafted 6th Overall - Anchorage Armada[SMJHL]
S55: Drafted 5th Overall - Texas Renegades [SHL]
S57: Four Star Cup Champions - Anchorage Armada [SMJHL]
S57: DeMaricus Smyth Award for Top Forward - Dach [WJC]
S57: Brady McIntyre Award for WJC MVP - Dach [WJC]
S58: Ryan Jesster Award - Best SHL Rookie [SHL]
S58: All Rookie Team [SHL]
S59: CHALLENGE CUP WINNERS [SHL]
S62: CHALLENGE CUP WINNERS [SHL]
S64: West All Star [SHL]
S64: 2nd Team All Star [SHL]
S65: West All Star [SHL]
S65: 3rd Team All Star [SHL]
S65: Darr Nominee [SHL]
S66: West All Star [SHL]
S66: Darr Winner [SHL]
S66: 1st Team All Star [SHL]
S68: Bronze Medal - Austria  [IIHF]
S71: West All Star [SHL]


Ostap Maksimov || D || Retired || Challenge Cup x3 ||
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Statistics:
600 GP - 325 P - 3 Cups
--------------



Ales Smirnov RW/D || Retired || Ron Mexico MVP: S35 ||
-- CAREER STATS --
REGULAR SEASON GP: 857 G:210 A:389 P:599
-- AWARDS --
S21: SMJHL Presidents Trophy & Four Star Cup | Kelowna Knights
S21:Elias Armia Trophy (Award in Excellence Given By The League Commissioner.)
S22: Four Star Cup Champs | Kelowna Knights
S22: Ted Lindsay Award (SMJHL MVP)
S22: Brodie Witzel Trophy (Playoffs MVP)
S23: SHL All Rookie Team
S26: IIHF Gold (Russia)
S28: IIHF Silver (Russia)
S32: IIHF Bronze (Russia)
S35: Ron Mexico (SHL MVP)
S38: IIHF Gold (Russia)

We're the Crows updated tho?

Ask more I am going on a typing rampage

Bump

why is wert a bust? what kind of gm would... pick... him.... oh....

plans for WKP future?

how are you going to feel about pandar mocking your in our LR from now on?

salty

Originally posted by LatvianBastard@Jul 19 2015, 05:08 PM
We're the Crows updated tho?

)

Player Page - Update Thread
[S70] - Alekss Ivanova - [NBB|MIN] - 499 TPE

Name: Alekss "Nova" Ivanova
Birthplace: Ventspils, Latvia
Height: 6' 1"
Weight: 205
Number: 28
------------------------------------------------------------
[S69] Claimed off waivers by GFG
[S69] Traded to NBB
[S70] Drafted 31st Overall by MIN
------------------------------------------------------------
Career Accomplishments:
------------------------------------------------------------
Career Statistics:
SMJHL Regular Season:
[S69] GP:66|G:17|A:23|P:40|+/-:-16|PIM:12|FO:49.9%
------------------------------------------------------------

You must have rubbed off on me Gorlab xD

how much will you suck in the shl


goals next season?

who and what line you on

what is a platoon


you ever figure out what #underthearch meant get

What are you most looking forward to next season?