HO HO HO (though I'm sure they're all really nice girls deep down, most likely just corrupted by our modern, materialistic society and its inherent lack of morality)

The gingerbread and sugar cookies are decorated and waiting for Santa. The presents are wrapped and tucked away under the tree. Snow lies deep on the ground, blanketing the world in a comforting and quiet white blanket.

Someone's uncle sits, getting quietly stewed and increasingly disgruntled in the corner chair. The Charlie Brown Christmas Special plays on the television, reminding everyone of the true non-commercial spirit of the holiday, while ironically being sponsored by Hallmark.

Somewhere in western New York, Gifter of Bikes sits watching his children play near the tree. Pride and love swell his heart conflicting with his hipster derision and too cool for school nonchalant attitude.

Down in Connecticut, Esa sits in his sweatpants, sweatshirt, sweatsocks and one very sweaty Santa hat pleasuring himself to pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt while his mother prepares a meatloaf upstairs.

Meanwhile in La Casa De Las Bulldogs, Bonk and Slappy sit around growing increasingly stupid, reclaiming their long misplaced youthful ignorance, reveling in fart jokes and thoughts of boobs. A nice, mild buzz in their bloodstream helping to put them in the full on Big Slappy Mindset.

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, some other holiday I've never heard of or none at all, we here at the Big Slappy Hour wish you a happy and healthy holiday season. We wish you a nice relaxing time with your family (if such a thing is possible, a little alcohol usually helps) and may all your Christmas dreams come true.

Now turn out the lamps and settle down by the lights of the tree and the fire with a nice mug of spiked hot chocolate, a little Vince Guaraldi or maybe the Tijuana Brass down low on the stereo, the smell of roasted beast and pumpkin pie in the air and enjoy a little over an hour of the finest entertainment known to particularly unimaginative people anywhere.

The Big Slappy Hour #57! 2nd Annual Christmas Extravaganza

https://soundcloud.com/mesbonk/the-big-slappy-hour-57

Thanks to c, Gcool, Gifter, Esa and Zach for questions and comments.

<a href='index.php?showuser=1546' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>Slappydoodle</a>, I'm kind of jealous I won't get to hear you sing with Pops. You've got a pretty solid singing voice.

Roddy Piper's biggest title in the WWF was the Intercontinental Championship, so he's the best heel to never win the WWF Championship in my opinion. DiBiase's a close second, though, probably closer than a lot of people give him credit for.

And yes, "It's a Wonderful Life" is the best Christmas movie.

Zach Evans || Forward || Winnipeg Jets
Name: Zach Evans
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 195 lbs
Number: 18
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Career Statistics:
S32 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 9, A: 5, P: 14, +/-: -1, PIMS: 12, H: 59
S33 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 8, A: 15, P: 23, +/-: 3, PIMS: 49, H: 106
S34 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 14, A: 14, P: 28, +/-: 7, PIMS: 46, H: 96
S35 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 22, A: 26, P: 48, +/-: -4, PIMS: 23, H: 113
S36 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 28, A: 30, P: 58, +/-: 23, PIMS: 51, H: 140
S37 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 24, A: 27, P: 51, +/-: 2, PIMS: 36, H: 220
S38 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 27. A: 38, P: 65, +/-: 12, PIMS: 45, H: 158
S39 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 15, A: 32, P: 47, +/-: 11, PIMS: 43, H: 85
S40 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 22, A: 31, P: 53, +/-: 11, PIMS: 15, H: 49
S41 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 27, A: 35, P: 62, +/-: 26, PIMS: 34, H: 82
S42 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 16, A: 29, P: 45, +/-: -3, PIMS: 15, H: 6
S43 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 16, A: 29, P: 45, +/-: 11, PIMS: 27, H: 15
S44 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 14, A: 31, P: 45, +/-: 3, PIMS: 17, H: 17
S45 (WPG): GP: 50, G: 15, A: 34, P: 49, +/-: 4, PIMS: 2, H: 27
CAREER: GP: 700, G: 257, A: 376, P: 633, +/-: 105, PIMS: 415, H: 1,173
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Statistics:
S34 (WPG): GP: 5, G: 2, A: 1, P: 3, +/-: 0, PIMS: 4, H: 7
S36 (WPG): GP: 6, G: 0, A: 3, P: 3, +/-: -1, PIMS: 0, H: 16
S37 (WPG): GP: 18, G: 11, A: 14, P: 25, +/-: 19, PIMS: 12, H: 81
S38 (WPG): GP: 13, G: 6, A: 9, P: 15, +/-: 5, PIMS: 4, H: 32
S39 (WPG): GP: 13, G: 5, A: 6, P: 11, +/-: -2, PIMS: 6, H: 31
S40 (WPG): GP: 14, G: 5, A: 4, P: 9, +/-: 1, PIMS: 13, H: 7
S41 (WPG): GP: 13, G: 8, A: 6, P: 14, +/-: 3, PIMS: 9, H: 26
S43 (WPG): GP: 17, G: 4, A: 9, P: 13, +/-: 11, PIMS: 2, H: 4
S44 (WPG): GP: 18, G: 4, A: 15, P: 19, +/-: 7, PIMS: 0, H: 3
S45 (WPG): GP: 4, G: 1, A: 2, P: 3, +/-: -1, PIMS: 0, H: 2
CAREER: GP: 121, G: 46, A: 69, P: 115, +/-: 41, PIMS: 50, H: 209
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SMJHL Career Statistics:
S30 (DET): GP: 50, G: 16, A: 12, P: 28, +/-: 8, PIMS: 10, H: 44
S31 (DET): GP: 50, G: 15, A: 23, P: 38, +/-: -2, PIMS: 35, H: 84
CAREER: GP: 100, G: 31, A: 35, P: 66, +/-: 6, PIMS: 45, H: 128
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Statistics:
S30 (DET): GP: 5, G: 0, A: 1, P: 1, +/-: -1, PIMS: 2, H: 0
S31 (DET): GP: 13, G: 5, A: 7, P: 12, +/-: 3, PIMS: 0, H: 9
CAREER: GP: 18, G: 5, A: 8, P: 13, +/-: 2, PIMS: 2, H: 9
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IIHF Statistics (Russia):
S30: GP: 11, G: 1, A: 0, P: 1, +/-: -1, PIMS: 0, H: 7
S32: GP: 13, G: 1, A: 1, P: 2, +/-: -4, PIMS: 4, H: 17
S33: GP: 11, G: 3, A: 6, P: 9, +/-: 5, PIMS: 4, H: 12
S34: GP: 11, G: 6, A: 2, P: 8, +/-: 2, PIMS: 2, H: 10
S35: GP: 13, G: 5, A: 4, P: 9, +/-: 4, PIMS: 18, H: 22
S36: GP: 11, G: 4, A: 3, P: 7, +/-: -3, PIMS: 2, H: 5
S37: GP: 10, G: 1, A: 1, P: 2, +/-: 0, PIMS: 0, H: 8
S38: GP: 13, G: 3, A: 10, P: 13, +/-: 8, PIMS: 4, H: 5
S39: GP: 10, G: 6, A: 6, P: 12, +/-: 1, PIMS: 2, H: 11
S40: GP: 10, G: 1, A: 2, P: 3, +/-: -6, PIMS: 2, H: 8
S41: GP: 11, G: 4, A: 5, P: 9, +/-: 0, PIMS: 2, H: 7
S42: GP: 10, G: 5, A: 9, P: 14, +/-: 5, PIMS: 0, H: 1
S43: GP: 13, G: 4, A: 7, P: 11, +/-: 6, PIMS: 0, H: 0
S44: GP: 10, G: 4, A: 8, P: 12, +/-: 1, PIMS: 0, H: 0
S45: GP: 10, G: 6, A: 1, P: 7, +/-: -13, PIMS: 0, H: 2
CAREER: GP: 167 G: 54, A: 65, P: 119, +/-: 5, PIMS: 40, H: 105
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Transactions and Awards:
Drafted 25th overall by Detroit, S30 SMJHL Entry Draft
S30 Vyacheslav Onoprienko Trophy Winner
Drafted 5th overall by Winnipeg, S31 SHL Entry Draft
S32 Oriens Trophy Winner (Co-GM, Detroit)
S32 IIHF Bronze Medalist
S36 SHL Second-Team All-Star
S37 Challenge Cup Champion
S38 Sergei Karpotsov Trophy Winner
S38 SHL First-Team All-Star
S38 Sarmad Khan Trophy Winner
S38 Jeff Dar Trophy Winner
S38 Damian Littleton Trophy Winner
S38 IIHF Gold Medalist
S43 IIHF Silver Medalist
S44 Challenge Cup Champion
Inducted into SHL Hall of Fame, S47
------------------------------------------------------------
Two things are infinite.

Nikolai Evans || Defenseman || HAM/TBB/TEX
Name: Nikolai Evans
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 210 lbs
Number: 19
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Career Statistics:
S47 (HAM): GP: 50, G: 1, A: 10, P: 11, +/-: -4, SB: 39, H: 32
S48 (HAM): GP: 50, G: 5, A: 9, P: 14, +/1: 6, SB: 57, H: 37
S49 (TBB): GP: 50, G: 9, A: 14, P: 23, +/-: -22, SB: 78, H: 51
S50 (TBB): GP: 50, G: 7, A: 20, P: 27, +/-: 4, SB: 64, H: 39
CAREER: GP: 200, G: 22, A: 53, P: 75, +/-: -16, SB: 238, H: 159
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Statistics:
S48 (HAM): GP: 5, G: 1, A: 0, P: 1, +/-: -1, SB: 6, H: 3
S49 (TBB): GP: 12, G: 0, A: 5, P: 5, +/-: 0, SB: 20, H: 8
S50 (TBB): GP: 19, G: 5, A: 7, P: 12, +/-: 1, SB: 29, H: 6
CAREER: GP: 36, G: 6, A: 12, P: 18, +/-: 0, SB: 55, H: 17
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Statistics:
S45 (MTL): GP: 50, G: 7, A: 13, P: 20, +/-: -1, SB: 60, H: 25
S46 (MTL/HFX): GP: 50, G: 7, A: 20, P: 27, +/-: -1, SB: 47, H: 68
CAREER: GP: 100, G: 14, A: 33, P: 47, +/-: -2, SB: 107, H: 93
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Statistics:
S45 (MTL): GP: 6, G: 2, A: 3, P: 5, +/-: -1, SB: 7, H: 4
S46 (HFX): GP: 13, G: 3, A: 2, P: 5, +/-: -4, SB: 18, H: 14
CAREER: GP: 19, G: 5, A: 5, P: 10, +/-: -5, SB: 25, H: 18
------------------------------------------------------------
IIHF Statistics (Russia):
S45: GP: 10, G: 0, A: 1, P: 1, +/-: -5, SB: 12, H: 2
S46: GP: 12, G: 0, A: 1, P: 1, +/-: -2, SB: 11, H: 2
S47: GP: 12, G: 2, A: 7, P: 9, +/-: 2, SB: 17, H: 12
S48: GP: 12, G: 2, A: 4, P: 6, +/-: -6, SB: 22, H: 0
S49: GP: 15, G: 6, A: 6, P: 12, +/-: -6, SB: 25, H: 7
CAREER: GP: 61, G: 10, A: 19, P: 29, +/-: -17, SB: 87, H: 23
------------------------------------------------------------
WJC Statistics:
S44 (World): GP: 15, G: 6, A: 7, P: 13, +/-: 8, SB: 18, H: 13
S45 (Russia): GP: 22, G: 2, A: 10, P: 12, +/-: -13, SB: 33, H: 14
S46 (Russia): GP: 28, G: 9, A: 15, P: 23, +/-: 0, SB: 26, H: 14
CAREER: GP: 55, G: 17, A: 32, P: 48, +/-: -5, SB: 77, H: 41
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions and Awards:
Drafted 1st overall by Montreal, S45 SMJHL Entry Draft
Drafted 1st overall by Hamilton, S46 SHL Entry Draft
Traded to Halifax Raiders during S46 SMJHL season
Traded to Tampa Bay Barracuda prior to S49 SHL season
S48 Fantasy Global Champion
S50 Mathias Chouinard Trophy Winner
I'll finish updating this at some point
------------------------------------------------------------
The Russian Prince

Zdenko Beranek || Winger || Quebec City Citadelles
Name: Zdenko Beranek
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 175 lbs
Number: 27
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Statistics:
S55 (QCC): GP: 50, G: 6, A: 15, P: 21, +/-: -22, PIMS: 6
S56 (QCC): GP: 50, G: 10, A: 27, P: 37, +/-: 9, PIMS: 20
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions and Awards:
Drafted 1st overall by Quebec City, S55 SMJHL Entry Draft
Drafted 18th overall by Seattle, S56 SHL Entry Draft
------------------------------------------------------------
Le Petite Chèvre

Originally posted by ztevans@Dec 24 2016, 09:28 PM
<a href='index.php?showuser=1546' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>Slappydoodle</a>, I'm kind of jealous I won't get to hear you sing with Pops. You've got a pretty solid singing voice.

Roddy Piper's biggest title in the WWF was the Intercontinental Championship, so he's the best heel to never win the WWF Championship in my opinion. DiBiase's a close second, though, probably closer than a lot of people give him credit for.

And yes, "It's a Wonderful Life" is the best Christmas movie.&nbsp;

Watching it right now. That Uncle Billy is such a moron. I always want to strangle him every time I see it.

Thanks for the compliment on the singing. I'm a pretty big ham, doesn't take much to get me crooning.