DRAFTEE RANKINGS:

A/N: TBH these are done. I'm too lazy to finish them before the draft since activity is picking up.

I’m posting this in batches -- I’ll bump when more is added.

As of writing this, the following players have not had their builds approved and are therefore not draft eligible -- Logan Tesfaye (2WF), Maxwell Andrews (SNI), Indesvara Magar (OD), Jack Dore (SNI), Bojo Storm (DD), Shawn Morton (OFW), Henning Danielsson (OD). Therefore, these fine dudes and dudettes aren’t going into these rankings despite whatever efforts they might’ve taken to raise their draft stocks (looking at you Magar, sorry buddy). I’ll update this if they’re approved in the next day or so.

I figured I’d do one more media piece before that sweet sweet bonus went the way of the dinosaurs after the Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction event. And why not a ranking, right? Right. There’s some math shit I did to get everyone’s score, but I’m not going to repost people’s builds since that’s been done a few times already by people who have more authority on whether or not people’s builds actually look decent or not. After the score, I’ll link people’s player pages (you’re welcome) and then write a sentence or two of slanderous lies on why you should draft these suckers to your teams. This whole class is a beauty though (except for Aleks, fuck that guy), so IDK man those juniors GMs have some tough decisions ahead. I expect this to be as important to them in their scouting as a used napkin with mustard stains on it -- gross, but useful in a pinch.

Anyway it’s time to grab your dicks, because this is:

<div align="center">TOOTHLESS TOOTHSOME TOM’S
TOTALLY TUBULAR (DRAFT) TRACKER
</div>



#29 -- Sean MCNAMARA (Defense/DD) - <a href='index.php?showuser=2574' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>Xperr7</a>
SCORE: -8.7
http://theshl.b1.jcink.com/index.php?showtopic=77055

I don’t know man, some defensemen are damaged goods right from the get-go, and although McNamara comes from Barrie, ON (not to be confused with Barrie, ON) land of juniors hockey legends, just look at the poor sap. He has the glazed stare of someone who’s seen too much Category (Other) porn and hasn’t had the stomach or mental fortitude to withstand its horrors.


#28 (26)-- Kevin ST. LAUREN (Defense/DD) - <a href='index.php?showuser=2581' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>Canucksfan18</a>
SCORE: -6
http://theshl.b1.jcink.com/index.php?showtopic=77164

A Russian with a French last name, alright alright alright. You know what’s not alright though? Letting your dog get pregnant, and then instead of finding people to take in the puppies, you just stuff em into boxes and leave them on the street next to dumpsters. That’s some fucked-up shit. I’m not saying Kevin seems like the kind of dude to do that, he actually seems like a pretty nice guy, but it’s still a problem and I felt like talking about it. Anyway, Kevin might pan out -- he patiently fixed a silly mistake on his build; problem is he isn’t around much anywhere and has done even less in the meantime (kind of like my dad after my mom shacked up with the milkman). Work needed on this guy for sure.


#27 (25)-- Daedric HEIKENNIN (Forward/PLY) - <a href='index.php?showuser=2570' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>Rannev</a>
SCORE: -1.9

Pretty decent hockey player fucks off back to Finland to design cabinets and explore breakthroughs in sustainable lobster farming. I mean, could you get the guy interested enough in hockey to get his shit in gear for the draft? Will the Senators keep the Wild Card spot long enough to make the play-offs? Both questions have similar answers.



#26 (28)-- Dylan PEAT (Center/OF) - <a href='index.php?showuser=2579' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>dylster</a>
SCORE: -8
http://theshl.b1.jcink.com/index.php?showtopic=77094

Did you know that peat is basically some soggy-ass compost that burns real good? Some crazy Scottish fuckers also use it in the production of whisky, and some people even reportedly drink that shit. Fucking nuts, I tell ya. Crazier than a team would have to be to pick-up Peat if they’re looking for an active center at the moment. Maybe Dylan just spent the last week coming down from a shit trip trying to get high on Benadryl. That only ever seems like a good idea once, when you’re really fucking young and dumb. If he’s gotten that completely out of his system, who knows -- he could be a sleeper forward prospect.


#25 (27)-- Ziv ALEKZANDROV (Center/PLY) - <a href='index.php?showuser=2566' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>nayr9991</a>
SCORE:-7.2
http://theshl.b1.jcink.com/index.php?showtopic=77021

Ziv’s this crazy good U16 roller hockey center, plays out in Humboldt. He’s a bad motherfucker, that much is true. Slashes more than anybody I’ve ever seen on the face-off dot, except for maybe that Crosby fellow. I have no fucking clue who put him on this scouting list, but shoot -- maybe he can skate and nobody knows it? Can you draft 15-year-olds?


#24 -- Caleb HARDING (Defense/2WD) - <a href='index.php?showuser=2569' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>Nucksruleall</a>
SCORE: 0
http://theshl.b1.jcink.com/index.php?showtopic=77040

I heard this kid got tied up after applying to McGill. Can play hockey OK, played Junior A just outside of Vancouver, but got lured over to the land of gravy and pancakes because French-Canadian chicks are kind of hella hot. They have a college program though, so maybe this isn’t the last we’ve heard of him.


#23 -- Adrian DECKAR (Defense/DD) - <a href='index.php?showuser=2591' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>BOFish</a>
SCORE: 0.8

The man, the mystery, the slippery fish Adrian Deckar -- defensive prospect hailing out of Vancouver where he spends more time stealing car parts and charming your sister by making bongs out of sustainable materials than he does practicing his hockey. Still, not totally dead in the water -- I heard some guy saw him practicing at the Trout Lake Rink and he reportedly had a slap shot so hard it knocked the shirt off a mom picking up her kid from peewee. That guy was Esteban Khadri -- ice-resurfacing-machine operator and part-time janitor. He’s a completely reliable source of information.