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Loco · 07-31-2017, 01:25 AM

[note: i forgot how heavy this song gets, it was a lot more difficult to do without sounding heavy instead of as a joke. it worked for like the first two verses but after that... yeesh. i dunno. it's funny cuz i'm stanning. please laugh. and also pay me.]

[to the beat of stan by eminem]

[Hook: Sleepy]
My stock's gone cold
I'm wondering why I got in the draft at all
The morning rain clouds up my mock draft
And I can't guess at all
And even if I could it'd all be wrong
But Nour's picture on my wall
He reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

[Verse 1: Loco (as an unknown Stan GM)]
Dear Nour, I wrote you, but you still ain't pm'd me
I left my 'cord, my pm and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two pms back in autumn, you must not've got 'em
There probably was a problem with the jcink or somethin'
Sometimes I type your name too wrong when I jot 'em
But anyways, fuck it, what's been up, man? How's your girlfriend?
My team's real bad too, I'm 'bout to be a fired
If I have a good team, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name it Nightmare
I read about your Kebab Line too, I'm sorry
I had a friend retire himself over some bitch who didn't draft him
I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Mammoth
I got a room full of your jerseys and your sigs, man
I like the shit you did with Sleepy too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is <redacted>

[Hook: Sleepy]
My stock's gone cold
I'm wondering why I'm in the draft at all
The morning rain clouds up my mock draft
And I can't guess at all
And even if I could it'd all be wrong
But Nour's picture on my wall
He reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

[Verse 2: Loco (as an unknown Stan GM)]
Dear Nour, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't want to talk to me in the game thread
You didn't have to
But you coulda signed an autograph for Clint
That's my little brother, man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blisterin' cold
For you, for fourty hours, and you just said no
That's pretty shitty, man, you're like his fuckin' idol
He wants to be just like you, man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met on Discord?
You said if I'd write you, you would write back
See, I'm just like you in a way: I never liked my jersey neither
It used to be bright green on my team and we got laughed at
I can relate to what you're sayin' in your posts
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and read 'em all
â€˜Cause I don't really got shit else
So that shit helps when my team lost
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even send trade offers of myself just to draft you
It's like adrenaline, the thought is such a sudden rush for me
See, everything you say is real, and I respect you â€˜cause you tell it
My mother's jealous â€˜cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you, Nour, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us grindin' up
You gotta call me, man
I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose, sincerely yours, <redacted>
P.S. We should be together too

[Hook: Sleepy]
My stock's gone cold
I'm wondering why I got in the draft at all
The morning rain clouds up my mock draft
And I can't guess at all
And even if I could it'd all be wrong
But Nour's picture on my wall
He reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

[Verse 3: Loco (as an unknown Stan GM)]
Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Call-or-Write-To-GMs
This'll be the last pm I ever send your ass
It's been six hours, and still no word â€” I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two pms
I wrote the Harrak on 'em with no c
So this is my pm I'm sendin' you, I hope you hear it
I'm on my comp right now, I'm watchin' on the forums
Hey, Nour, I drank a four loko, you dare me to post?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drownin'
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is: you coulda rescued me from drownin'
Nour it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I took all of your sigs off the prof'
I loved you, Nour, we coulda played together â€” think about it!
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep
And you scream about it; I hope your conscience eats at you
And you can't breathe without me
See, Nour â€” shut up, mom! I'm def' not crying
Hey, Nour, that's my Mom screamin' loud at me
But I didn't do her wrong, I just cried for you, see, I ain't like you
â€˜Cause if she keeps yelling I'll suffer more, and then my hopes die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at my bed time now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I said I wouldn't send this shit out?!

[Hook: Dido]
My stock's gone cold
I'm wondering why I got in the draft at all
The morning rain clouds up my mock draft
And I can't guess at all
And even if I could it'd all be wrong
But Nour's picture on my wall
He reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

[Verse 4: Nour]
Dear <redacted>, I meant to write you sooner, but I just been busy
You said your mother's yellin' now, she's just really proud of you?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your new team that
And here's an autograph
For your Clint; I wrote it on a Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at on thread, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cry at your computer too?
I say that shit just clownin', dawg, come on, how fucked up is you?
You got some issues, GM, I think you need some counselin'
To help your ass from bouncin'
Off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want you to draft me now
I really think you and your team need each other now
Or maybe you just need to treat them better
I hope you get to read this pm
I just hope it reaches you in time
Before you trade yourself, I think that you'll be doin' just fine
If you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you, but GM
Why are you so mad? Try to understand
That I do want you as a fan
I'ma cut off here cuz the rest of the song is heavy but you do you

[1345 words]