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Mack · 12-24-2018, 03:41 PM

Who Are They Banging?
2X MEDIA PAYOUT
Well the big draft day in the SMJHL has come and gone. All the young men are getting adjusted to their new teams and making new friends. There has been a lot of excitement around this draft and here in Montreal the city is buzzing. The Montreal Militia had the first overall pick this year and they selected star Russian defenseman Nikolai Evans. This pick was met with tons of fan support and the guys on the team can't wait to get on the ice with this studly offensive defenseman.

There has been many articles written about all the players selected and their talents on the ice but what about their talent off the ice? What kind of chicks are these guys banging? Well rumors are already flying around in Montreal as some of these dudes have been seen in the city on dates with some top talent. Let's break down what we have heard about these guys so far!

Number 1 Overall:

@ztevans
Nikolai Evans - Russia
Size: 6'2, 210 Pounds
Underwear: Extra Large

The big Russian has been hounded by media but hounded even more so by the local ladies. Evans has been a big name in Russia for a couple years already and as soon as he moved to Montreal he was seen with Russian tennis star Maria Sharapova by his side. Sharapova being 31 years old shows that Evans is not looking for a young woman in his life and is a fan of the older chicks. These two beauties have amazing genes and their kids would be as gifted athletically as it gets. Nikolai hopes Sharapova will attend some games this season and the two couldn't be more in love.

[Image: dsdf-613x411.jpg]

Number 11 Overall:

@iOBESE
Hanz Zucker - Belgium
Size: 6'3, 215 Pounds
Underwear: Extra Large

Zucker looks to be a nightmare for defenders on the ice but a dream come true for ladies off the ice. He has a reputation for eating. He eats and eats and eats. He eats everything. He has been spotted out dining at some fancy restaurants lately with Australian actress/bombshell Jessica Green. These two beautiful people must go all night long, I don't think they are every truly full. Green is currently filming a movie in Montreal and the 25 year old has stated she loves banging athletes. We don't see a long term future for these two but they are just young and having fun so who cares.

[Image: 1080full-jessica-green.jpg]

Number 12 Overall:

@Wally
Aleksi O'Koivu-Volkova - Russia
Size: 6'4, 225 Pounds
Underwear: XX Large

Here we have the second Russian on the list for Montreal and it's a huge young man named Aleski O'Koivu-Volkova. He is a huge dude and still growing, or at least that's why he tells the ladies. He has made it known that he wants to sample the local talent and has had a few dates with some beautiful young Canadian women already. When we asked O'Koivu-Volkova who his dream Canadian to bang would be he said "Pamela Anderson. I know she isn't what she used to be...but yes please". Apparently he has a thing for older ladies and used to jerk it to Pam when he was a lad. As of now he isn't seeing anyone seriously but he has asked us to put the word out to Pam. O'Koivu-Volkova is a master of the 5 hole and you're missing out if you don't give him a chance.

[Image: pamela-.jpeg]

Number 25 Overall:

@gillon
Kristoffer Svensson - Sweden
Size: 6'2, 195 Pounds
Underwear: None

Here we have our first Swede on the list and this guy is a beauty with a flow as silky as his mitts. He has been a great add to the locker room already and his teammates love him. But as good as he is with his stick he might be even better with his dick. This guy has a reputation already for making the ladies weak in the knees, for a few days afterwords. He doesn't have a girlfriend because he is playing the field but last night he was out at a club enjoying his small Christmas break. There were reports of him getting hot and heavy in a booth with local instagram model Elisabeth Rioux. This guy has a bright future and hopefully will be a star for years to come.

[Image: d0l62KZ.png]

Number 42 Overall:

@Sour_Chin_Music
Olin O'Dowd - Ireland
Size: 5'11, 196 Pounds
Underwear: Large

Ireland is full of hockey talent but this guy takes it to the next level. Montreal was really happy he fell to 42 overall and we see him having a very big future on our team. As soon as he joined the locker room he was full of energy and made it clear he is here to make an impact. O'Dowd isn't the tallest guy out on the ice but what he lacks in length he makes up for in girth. He is a rock solid man and he actually prefers to date taller women. He likes it when a woman is taller than him in heels and usually dates models. He has been spotted driving around town with Victoria Secret model Kendall Jenner. From all accounts the two are actually in love and O'Dowd wants to lock her down long term. We will see where it heads in the future but good luck to these love birds!

[Image: 2016-11%202086.jpg]

Number 55 Overall:

@Tipple
Hank O'Callahan - USA
Size: 6'2, 220 Pounds
Underwear: Small

This draft pick doesn't look like it's working out well. O'Callahan hasn't been seen since he reported that the Montreal Militia locker room apparently smells like ass here: http://simulationhockey.com/showthread.p...pid2539162

Yes fine it does sometimes smell like ass in there but we are a busy bunch and there's lots of ass in there.

Number 65 Overall:

@yzer_daddy
Steve Yzerman Jr - Canada
Size: 5'11, 180 Pounds
Underwear: Extra Small

Here we have another player who hasn't yet reported to camp. But lucky for you readers we do know a bit about his personal life from social media. It appears this waste of a draft pick/King multi is a fan of older women! He is currently in a relationship with 50 year old Lucy Lawless who could easily be his mother. The old star of Xena: Warrior Princess is keeping him too busy to play hockey.

[Image: Lucy-Lawless.jpg]

Number 75 Overall:

@DylanFrank28
Dylan Frank - USA
Size: 6'3, 230 Pounds
Underwear: Extra Large

American born pass first defenseman who is just a huge man at such a young age. If this guy keeps filling out he will be one of the largest players one day in the SHL. He has not been around the team too much so we don't have that much information on him. He has a cannon of a shot and no social media for us to spy on his love life. We did speak to his parents who mentioned that his last relationship ended earlier this year when the girl he was seeing died in a tragic hedge clipping accident. Best of luck to him and her family in their recovery.

[Image: 284203-tdy-120723-casket-rentals.fit-760w.jpg]

[Image: 284203-tdy-120723-casket-rentals.fit-760w.jpg]

Number 85 Overall:

@James Truong
James Truong - Canada
Size: 5'9, 200 Pounds
Underwear: Large

This late round pick looks to be one of the best picks of the draft! Truong has been a welcomed add to the locker room and is full of energy. Montreal is very lucky to get a dude this great with this much play-making ability so late. His smile brightens up the room and best of all he is always working really hard to be better each day. Off the ice he is a fan of asian chicks mostly and has a thing for K-Pop stars. Lately he has a beauty named Lee Hyori on his arm at all times and she is always smiling. Great work Truong!

[Image: korea-lee-hyori-047-cosmo.jpg]

Number 95 Overall:

@LarksTongue
Commander Shepard - Canada
Size: 5'7, 180 Pounds
Underwear: Large

Unbelievable that management was able to snag Shepard at 95 overall. This guy is a genius at saucing the puck and makes any goal scorer around him very happy to play on his line. But we aren't here to talk about their game on the ice. Off the ice this guy has incredible game and his chiseled jawline and toned body have the ladies from miles around moist from the thought of him. He doesn't like to be tied down in a relationship and is on a mission to hook up with as many 10's as he can while in Montreal. He sticks to sliding into Instagram DM's of all the top talent Montreal has to offer. Last night he was out drinking with Anika Clarke and a couple of her friends. They all looked to be very happy.

[Image: ly57pjl.png]

Montreal management was not done after the draft. They were happy with all this young talent but they really wanted to make a trade splash and go out and get a stud to really push for the Four Star Cup this year. Detroit was shopping their top D-man Chuck Crutchfield and the Miltia went after him aggressively. In the end Montreal traded away two 2nd round picks and a 4th to bring in Crutch and they are hoping they have him for 2 full seasons.

@ligma
Chuck Crutchfield - USA
Size: 6'3, 209 Pounds
Underwear: Thong

This dude can't go anywhere without being noticed and hounded for autographs. His personal life has been in the news a lot lately though as when the star moved from Detroit he was seen landing in Montreal with adult actress Riley Reid by his side. Crutchfield addressed the media letting everyone know he and Riley Reid are in love and he wants nothing more than to impregnate her as soon as possible. He is very understanding of her career and knows it's not the right time for her to take time off. He is excited to make the SHL as soon as possible to start cashing those big checks and then he plans on supporting her fully and allowing her to retire from her hard long hours.

[Image: d32c2cf047a37d099badd5cc59f6b610.jpg]

[Image: d32c2cf047a37d099badd5cc59f6b610.jpg]

So that about wraps it up for this years look inside the Miltia Locker room. Hopefully everyone feels like they know our players a bit better now and can relate to them better. This close and personal look into their life's is only possible thanks to all the great guys in there who were happy to share. Also shout out to all the lovely ladies that are the real reason these guys get out of bed each day. So thank you to Montreal and good luck this season!

Double pay for rookie media week.