The story of Osbert Whacker is a strange and unusual one that recently took yet another weird turn.  Some may know Osbert Whacker as he is now, a member of the Anaheim Outlaws in the SHL.  That is only a small sliver of the man that is Osbert Whacker and many don't know the story of him before the draft.  It recently came out that Whacker wasn't even all that interested in joining the SHL and was kind of making a joke and memeing himself due some recent events in his life.  This was such an interesting piece of news we thought we should get to the bottom of all this from the man himself so we booked a flight to Riga, Latvia.

After we got off the plane in Latvia and got to our hotel, we devised a game plan as to how to actually find Whacker.  You see Whacker doesn't like to make himself seen and we were recently told he kind of looks like a bum.  Only speaking English we just printed off a bunch of random pictures of homeless black men and started going about town asking if anyone had seem him.  We weren't too optimistic, but in fact it didn't take long.  It appears that Whacker has actually mad a reputation of being a wandering drunk man and most knew where to find him.  Before long we found Osbert and he agreed to talk with us.

Whacker: "You got that juice?"

"That what?"

Whacker: "That juice man, that good good."

"Oh, yeah we brought you a gift.  Kyle, give him the whiskey"

We figured Whacker would want something to drink, luckily we were able to grab a local bottle.

"So what are you doing in Riga?"

Whacker: "My cousin, Kyson Blake, was recently drafted by the Riga Reign in the VHL.  I came with him to hang out so he had someone here he knew.  He went back to Canada after he was done making an appearance and I figured I'd stay.  I'd never really been around hockey that much and thought it was interesting."

Whacker takes a good swig from the bottle

"Why is that?  Were you guys not that close?"

Whacker: "Wasn't that, just I was always doing my own thing, usually wrapped up in some kind of basketball thing so I was always busy."

"So why did you not play basketball anywhere?"

Whacker: "I tried, I really did.  I reached out to a bunch of colleges and none of them were really interested.  i sent out tapes and made phone calls.  At the end of the day I either got a rejection or no response at all.  I went down to the YMCA and was dunking on fools and posting up on them all day, but there was only so much of that I could do.  That was the other reason I came over here, to try and join a league.  No one would touch me, so I kind of turned to the bottle."

"So how did you transition from that to being drafted in the SHL?"

Whacker: "I don't know honestly.  Like I'm over here one night just drinking away and I stumbled into a rink and looking at all these small European players and couldn't stop but thinking I'd body them fools.  Now don't get me wrong I don't know a lick about hockey, but if you put me out there I can knock people around like nothing.  So that's kind of where it all started.  I created a twitter and started posting on there."

"What did you post?"

Whacker: "I was posting all kinds of crazy stuff to be honest.  Posted that I was just sitting around with my gear waiting to get out on the ice and how I was watching the SHL playoffs and how exciting that was.  Then out of nowhere I started getting a bunch of phone calls from SMJHL General Managers and coaches.  I honestly had no idea that this would become a thing."

"Was it your intention to become a professional hockey player?"

Whacker: "Shit no, I was drunk and just having a bit of fun.  Let me tell you, when you have no skills aside from playing basketball and almost no money, drinking was about the only fun I was having.  I was just having some fun and somehow people were taking it seriously.  Next thing I know I was drafted into the SMJHL and officially a member of the Anaheim Outlaws."

"So when did it turn from just a joke to something you're now going to take seriously?"

Whacker: "Shit, the minute they shoved a three million dollar contract in my face.  You see all them zeroes when you're broke as fuck and you're ready to do just about anything to earn that dough.  I went back to the rink I stumbled into when I was drunk and found a pair of skates that fit me and just got out on the ice.  Pretty sure I fell more times than actual distance traveled.  I then found someone willing to work with me and since then I've just been learning how to move in terms of playing hockey.  I can actually skate somewhat decently, but now it's working on hockey skills."

"Well that sounds pretty fortunate."

Whacker: "Haha you're telling me.  I don't know what would have happened had I showed up to Anaheim and have no ability to skate.  Talk about embarrassing.  For now I'm going to finish off this bottle and enjoy some women during this Christmas holiday, but after that, I'll actually head out to Anaheim and see this thing make the full circle from joke to reality."

"Do you know what position you'll be playing?"

Whacker: "I put down that I was a defensive player, I figured that would be the position where I'd most be able to just knock people out and not be noticed as much for sucking at doing other things. "

"Well it sounds like you've definitely put some thought into this, good luck trying to convince professionals that you belong!"

Osbert Whacker is quite the interesting person and was a lot of fun to sit down and talk with.  The story of a man on the brink of basketball stardom to local YMCA legend to now SMJHL draft pick is a story that I'm not sure a lot of people could say they thought they'd see in the SHL, but here we are with such a man.  It'll be interesting to see if Whacker will be able to make the full transition into a hockey player or if he'll flame out and fail miserably.  Either way we'll be here for the journey

Fuckin christ this is the guy I'm on a team with jkjk I fuckin love this our team is basically heavy hitters and heavy pratys

heavy pratys

yessir, may your cup always be in your hand and always full....we be pratying all day here!

heavy pratys

yessir, may your cup always be in your hand and always full....we be pratying all day here!

On this team we all want to win the cup just so we can drink from it