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Mediocre_Fred · 03-14-2020, 11:25 PM

[1,000 words, ready for grading. Draft Media Bonus]

Another Exclusive Interview with Frederick Wanesly

Ace Dickenson, Executive Senior Junior Intern, The Bradford Tribune, March 13th, 2020

That’s right! Your favorite British reporter has once again crossed the pond to get an exclusive interview with Hometown Hero Fred Wanesly. This time, I’ve hired a team of seedy individuals to break into Wanesly’s apartment and bring him to an abandoned warehouse near the edge of Detroit. They informed me that aside from a few kicks and punches, Wanesly didn’t resist too much.

After Fred finally came to and I explained why he was tied to a chair, I was able to ask him some important questions.

“Are you aware that the SHL draft is this coming Sunday?” I asked.

“What? Where am I? Who are you? Why did you bring me here?” is all Fred Wanesly had to say about that.

I offered him some tea to help him calm down, but he didn’t take any. Was it because he was tied to a chair? Maybe, but he wouldn’t say for sure. I had to assume he probably knew that the draft was coming up. He is draft eligible and is currently playing in the SMJHL, so I imagine he is up to date with the on-goings of the SHL. I was just about to ask him another question when he interrupted me with this:

“Hey wait a minute! Are you that loon of a journalist whose dad owns the paper? Why the bloody hell did you kidnap me?”

My reply was simple. “For an exclusive interview, of course!” I said with a chuckle. He has no idea how hard it is to be a journalist.

After a few more minutes of Wanesly’s futile attempts to escape, he finally admitted defeat and agreed to finish the interview. Now that we were back on track, I wanted to get into the good stuff.

I asked “So, have you been talking to any SHL teams about the draft?” I was eager to hear this because we don’t get much news about the SHL over in England, where the number of fans is very small.

“Um… A couple, yeah” replied Wansely. This information wasn’t enough for me, so I pressed on.

“Oh, really? Which teams have you been talking to?”

“Well let’s see… I got this pamphlet in the mail from the San Francisco Pride, I got a survey from Texas, and I got a … Wait a minute! Is this really an interview or are you just trying to spy for one of the SHL teams! Let me out of here, you maniac!”

At this point in the interview I had to try and calm Wanesly down once again. I guess the stress of getting drafted soon is really getting to him. He seems highly irrational for someone being interviewed in a pretty standard way. Tied to a chair in an abandoned warehouse, just like I used to watch my father do when he game people interviews for his Italian friends. I reassured him over and over again that this was just an interview and he could go back to his apartment after I got the answers I was looking for.

“Fine!” Wansely started. “I have heard from a couple of teams. So far, it’s been San Francisco, Texas, uh, The Jets up in Winnipeg, The Calgary Flame-Breathers or whatever they are called, umm, let’s see… Toronto, New England, Manhattan, and Buffalo. I think that’s it. Are you happy? Can I go home yet?”

I was pleased that he had started cooperating. These details are just what I was looking for in a story. So now we know who has contacted Fred Wanesly. Based on this list, it seems like he is pretty popular with the different SHL teams. Still, only eight of the sixteen teams have contacted him. Could this be some nefarious plot against a British-born hockey player? Perhaps the teams are worried that they may be cursed by ancient and powerful curses if they speak to a British ginger like Wanesly. I have a felling that the superstitious GMs of the SHL are purposely avoiding Fred Wanesly because of the powerful magic aura that surrounds him. Maybe I’ll start interviewing some of the GMs in the same way I am interviewing Wanesly right now to get some answers out of them…

Anyway, back to the main story. I had dozens of things I still wanted to ask him, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to ask them all, so I stated with this:

“How about your teammates, do you have any ideas how they are feeling about the upcoming draft?”

“Well, I know we have a very strong group of guys in Detroit. I know some of them think that we might all be taken before the third round even starts. I think that would be amazing. I believe every single one of the rookies on the team have great potential in the SHL and any team that looks them over doesn’t know what they are missing out on. It’ll be tough knowing that a lot of us will be ending up on different teams because we’ve built such a tight bond over the last season. But we will still have a few more years together here in Detroit before we get called up to our future teams.”

Wow. That was surprisingly heartfelt for a man tied to a chair in a dark room being forced to answer questions. Well, I was satisfied with the answers Wansley had given me, so I cut him loose and let him free. I’ll probably need to catch the next flight back to the UK before word gets out that I got such an exclusive interview. I look forward to learning where our beloved Fred Wanesly ends up after the draft, which will be this coming Sunday. I hear police sirens coming towards me now, so also look forward to seeing if I make the news in Detroit.

Ace Dickenson, Signing Off.

***Aephino*** · 03-14-2020, 11:38 PM

falcons for life SKREEEEEEE

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