Now when I was having a little break looking through roster I noticed something quite alarming about the Vancouver Whalers and that is the very large number of non human players on there team. Now I found this very puzzling, how can this be allowed. Well after a flick through the SHL rule book I didn’t see any law against it so I thought a deep dive would be a good way to investigate this phenomenon.

[S55] Center - Wile Coyote
What better place to start than here with Wile Coyote. Now the information here is a little confusing, firstly this is a cartoon coyote, at first I thought that coyote’s were a create that lived in a warm climate due to the fact he chases a road runner, but they are native all through Canada. With this in mind a hockey playing Coyote is a little more possible, ad when you add in the anthropomorphised nature of Wile Coyote it goes from being possible to making sense. The fierceness of a member of the canine family on skates, we need to watch out.

[S58] Right Defense - Narboza Manyhands
Now if you thought a cartoon coyote was odd this is a whole other level. What we have here is a gosh darn actual alien. Now while this is bizarre I for one think this could be a huge plus as a hockey player. An alien is not bond by human limits and therefore could be stronger, smarter, faster than everyone else on the ice. With a name like manyhands I would guess he has many hands, and so additional hand will certainly help his stick skills, while I am sure he is not allowed multiple sticks the many hands must make his hits formidable, so all in all I am very much for extra terrestrial players in the SHL.

[S59] Right Wing - Strawberry Sailfish
After being all in on alien hockey players fish hockey players I am very much less sure about. Now lets look at the problems, firstly hands, a fish doesn’t have any how does he grip the stick. Next legs he doesn’t have any, where does he strap his skates to. Lastly breathing, how the hell does he breath out of water, he is a sail fish even if he is a beautiful strawberry colour. I mean in theory sailfish are one of the fastest animals in the ocean and are a good size but how does that help you play hockey? I can only imagine that Narboza Manyhands has lent Strawberry Sailfish some kind of special reverse scuba suit with working arm and leg attachments, but who knows?

[S59] Right Wing - Robot Sunfish
Now you may at first glance think we have the same issues as Straberry Sailfish, no arms, no legs, body design for ocean living, but Robot Sunfish does have something going for it, the fact that it is a robot. Because of its robotic nature you must imagine that firstly it does not need to breathe and secondly it is much easier for it to adapt itself to life on the ice. In my mind it looks like something out of battlebots zooming round the ice causing all sorts of problems for opposite teams, and this can only be a good thing.


WC 552

Approved +5 TPE @Mooty99