And then there were two. Nevada Battleborn and the Kelowna Knights. We have tested logos/Jerseys, the factual history of these teams, and which animals would win in a knockout bracket style tournament to decide where I would end up playing…if it were my choice. But how did each team get here?

Nevada Battleborn was lucky with a first round bye. Being a newer team, they had won a championship and we established they had obvious satanic symbolism in their logo as they are from Sin City, beating out the Newfoundland Berserkers. Proving the Satanic link to be true the Ram won the battle against the Elk, calling upon its inner demon at the last moment to sway the battle for a win.

Kelowna beat out the Timber as a classic jersey and logo that has stood the test of time in the SMJHL, something only one other team can claim. In the second round the Knights history and success destroy the stained memory of Grogu Mandosson with the Grizzlies to move them forward. The third round was a repeat of my Season 4 junior championship, once again Kelowna beat out my old team (then the Blazers) Carolina Kraken as a group of 6 Knights managed to best the mythological beast.

Which brings us full steam to the finals! Now what the hell am I to do to decide where to play? Actual city…nah, most championships won…nah. I know I will leave it to chance! GMs PICK, ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!

The look of panic has hit Artermis, as she can’t believe it will come down to this. Skoldpaddor laughs petting his big horn sheep. The two of them lock eyes searching for the slightest hint of what the other is thinking. A trickle of sweat trails down Artermis brow as you can practically see the equations and probabilities dancing through their head. Skoldpaddor removes his gaze and looks down to his pet. Whispers something into the sheep’s ear, and it bleats back in excitement.

The two GMs stand up and walk to a table in the middle of the room, they both sit on chairs on either side of the table. The lights around the table dim, 8 spotlights shoot out beams of light around the room from above, the beams spiral around the room closing in on the table. The crowd in the room shouts:
“ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT!”

Both GMs throw out scissors. An offensive attack by both GMs but ultimately it ends up as a tie. Just then an ear-piercing bleat is heard in the background, a dark laughter is heard, and a low scratchy voice says “accepted”.

The lights try to find what happened, all that can be seen from the direction of the bleat and voice is a charred spot that is smoking where the sheep once stood. Skoldpaddor smiles and his eyes look to glow red in the darkness.

The lights once again swirl and close in on the table. The crowd shouts:

“ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT!”

The dark voice quietly says… “oopsie…my bad.”

Skoldpaddor throws out scissors, Artermis has countered with a rock!

The crowd erupts with cheers of “KNIGHT, KNIGHTS, KNIGHTS, KNIGHTS!” They battle a Kraken, have an amazing history, and one of the best logos and they have won the epic ROCK PAPER SCISSORS battle against the Devil!

The big horn sheep walks up to its master no worse for wear and Skoldpaddor walks off into the darkness.

Logan Webb takes a knee and is Knighted by this new lord Artermis! Webb is Kelowna bound welcome to the Knighthood!

…

For anyone that is still reading at this point and gone through the entire tournament thank you it was a real pleasure writing all of this. I hope you enjoyed. To the SMJHL GMs good luck in the draft I am excited to see how it all plays out! To players old and new I am excited to play alongside you all or against you guys. HERE’S TO AN AMAZING SEASON!