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***boom*** · 04-15-2023, 10:36 PM

[1237 words, ready for grading]

idk if I've talked about this much outside of LRs but this was a bit I wanted to write for a while so here goes

When I first joined the league in 2020 (one whole pandemic ago, wow), it was nothing more than a fun game to create a player, totally disconnected from reality. It's been over three years now and I'm amazed how much that that statement is no longer the case. With the changes that I've had in my life throughout that time, this league and sim sports in general has introduced me to an incredible community of people online that I've gotten to call my friends. I'm still searching for that elusive first Cup win, a player and a half later, but with everything that's gone down in the real hockey world since I joined the site the SHL can be an escape from those issues and give us all a glimpse of what hockey and its community should be like both for players and for fans.

I've been on a journey with my current player since the beginning of 2022, and it's had some incredible ups and downs. The story that I've had the opportunity to write with this character has been so much fun for myself as well as sharing it with others. I grew up in a relatively conservative city in the 2010s, and though I never played ice hockey I did still see the good and the bad of that environment. Though I was long departed from hockey when I began my journey of discovery of my queerness, I never would have been able to come out in that environment. What I like so much about writing this media is that it allows me to not just create that environment in fiction where a queer character can exist and be accepted in the sport I grew up with, but I can also live the hockey/sporting experience that I wish I could have had and share it with a community of hockey fans, some of whom feel the same way. Time travel might not be possible, but marginalized people deserve to enjoy sports if they wish without the culture of the game rejecting them, and by writing and interacting with people we can help create a space online where they're accepted. I've been lucky enough to help create an LR-like environment of fellow queer SHLers that I've had the pleasure of meeting throughout my time on the site, and it's enjoyable to not have to filter ideas through certain norms. Y'all know who you are, huge props to all of you.

However, this journey hasn't been without obstacles. On almost every chapter of this series that has followed the evolution of Sophie's relationship with her wife Jamie, I have second-guessed myself on how much detail I should go into when writing it, taking into account that the majority of people who will be on the site are straight men - in particular, several instances of even the smallest gestures of intimacy have either been reduced to being simply implied or cut entirely. I wasn't dropped into the Internet yesterday, and I know how WLW relationships can be seen by straight people. Thus, the narrative that I would have written has been somewhat sanitized from what I would have ideally liked it to be - even though the material has always and will continue to be totally SFW, I have seen objectification happen too many times not to fear it happening to my own player. This was part of why the wedding chapter was so far overdue - while IRL mental health issues played somewhat of a part, I was also agonizing over every word to ensure it wouldn't be taken weirdly by anyone, and the chapter ended up being more superficial than I had hoped it would be. While it's a pivotal piece in the story, I'll admit it wasn't my favourite chapter to write because of how much scrutiny had to go into it.

While nobody is explicitly making me hold back, it still hurts to see sexually charged heterosexual content get posted in, say, PTs and just be "locker room culture" (I'll just throw a link to this mPT to how bad it can get, or when a user wrote the pornographic word "milf" like 30 times in a media piece, or seeing a render used in a sig in a sexual context). While I wish that I could just pretend that having my sexuality/gender denigrated in front of the entire site didn't have any effect, and thankfully that user is gone, they were still around and enabled for longer than necessary. I've danced around writing an explicitly trans main character on a few occasions, and the door is still open, but that has the potential for a can of worms I'm not sure if I want to open. I do want to see a place where relationships between people of any gender can just be written about without having to worry about being judged or taken in the wrong way, and I hope that by writing media and continuing at it that this will become more normalized. With a character that's somewhat of a self-insert it can definitely be tricky to navigate this, but by getting to know more people on the site and becoming familiar with everyone's different experiences I think it's definitely helped a good bit.

Outside of media, a big issue that I've come across sometimes is just the assumption of being male - this isn't exclusive to the SHL, and is just an occupational hazard of being a woman on the Internet, but it shouldn't be discounted. This is closer to the front of my mind here when it comes to the ISFL, where I just had a male character get drafted (and am not as well-known there as here), but it's happened in the SHL too, and when I was earlier in my transition (around 2021ish) it was the safer choice to just not respond and have to put myself out there. This is why I would encourage everyone on the site to put their pronouns on their profile (go to "edit profile" in the dropdown, takes like 2 seconds) if they feel comfortable. By doing this and challenging gender assumptions, instances of users being misgendered and not feeling comfortable to speak up should hopefully be reduced. I've had to be loud to get where I am and I hope that others won't have to. I would be curious to see any data (if it's available") on the percentage of active users that have used this feature in the ~20 months it's been available, but I've been generally pleased with the uptake so far.

While these are two issues I've most notably experienced here, I've overall had a really good experience with being able to be out in the SHL and I'm proud of the work HO and others have done and continue to do to make a welcoming space for all. Jess did a good piece which is 100x better than this ramble and I highly recommend reading it, but I just wanted to echo some things that I've either had happen directly to me or seen patterns of on the site. I'm proud of what we have here regardless, and I'm looking forward to seeing how we can improve going forward.

***BadWolf*** · 04-15-2023, 10:46 PM

Love you boom

***boom*** · 04-15-2023, 10:55 PM

04-15-2023, 10:46 PMBadWolf Wrote: Love you boom

:3 thanks for being a friend

ValorX77 · 04-15-2023, 11:28 PM

Thanks for being a friend @boom

***lore*** · 04-16-2023, 12:19 AM

Great media from a wonderful human. (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

***boom*** · 04-16-2023, 10:47 AM

04-15-2023, 11:28 PMValorX77 Wrote: Thanks for being a friend @boom

keep living your best life!

Quote:Great media from a wonderful human. (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

back at you!

spidey · 04-16-2023, 11:49 AM

Hi Boom, I have not had the chance to get to know you yet. I am really looking forward to the chance as I grow in the SHL world. I am an older (40s) straight male (we do exist from time to time, lol). Intimacy should never be hidden love is love and it is beautiful.

Please do not play it safe here, as this is a safe space or atleast it should be. I appreciate your bravery and strength in writing this. Please do not hesitate in being yourself, ever, as I really enjoy the person that wrote this article.

I can't wait to read your next article. <3

***boom*** · 04-16-2023, 08:43 PM

04-16-2023, 11:49 AMspidey Wrote: Hi Boom, I have not had the chance to get to know you yet. I am really looking forward to the chance as I grow in the SHL world. I am an older (40s) straight male (we do exist from time to time, lol). Intimacy should never be hidden love is love and it is beautiful.

Please do not play it safe here, as this is a safe space or atleast it should be. I appreciate your bravery and strength in writing this. Please do not hesitate in being yourself, ever, as I really enjoy the person that wrote this article.

I can't wait to read your next article. <3

thanks for reading it! comfort definitely comes with time

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