Mike: Hello again and welcome to the Mike Blueberg Show. I’m here with my cohost Matthew Leclair. Our topic today is the SHL.

Matthew: What is that?

Mike: SHL stands for the Simulation Hockey League… apparently Sanchez Agency Incorporated found another high quality prospect to represent in yet another league.

Matthew: Did you just say that out loud? Our fine fans and listeners are supposed to operate under the assumption that we are unbiased reporters of sports news and facts. We can’t have them knowing that we are basically the publicity firm for Sanchez Agency Inc.

Mike: What are you talking about Matthew?

Matthew: Our special guest today as we endeavor to talk about the Simulation Hockey League is Defensemen Jasper Wahls. Thank you for being willing to join us today.

Jasper: You’re welcome, thank you for having me.

Mike: No, thank you. Obviously you had several other talk show’s begging for your time, and we had a multitude of other guests we could have interviewed.

Matthew: Seriously Mike? We already talked to Jehu King, Kurtis McKenzie, Reginald Arceneaux, Nile Rivers, and Maverick Arceneaux III this week. Our next segment will feature Ontario Leblanc Jr… Honestly Jasper, we’ve exhausted our lineup of guests until next week, so you were all we had left.

Jasper; It’s a pleasure. Anytime y’all decide to get around to interviewing, I’ll be happy to answer your questions.

Matthew: Spunky. I like it.

Mike: Do you ever get the feeling that someone is putting words in all of our mouths?

Matthew:…? I have no idea what you are talking about.

Mike: Anyway… So Jasper, tell us about yourself.

Jasper: Well Mike, Matthew, radio audience… now seems like as good a time as any to invent my backstory. Like most of your previous guests. I was born in the great state of Texas. Like most Texans - Hockey wasn’t really on my radar. I played a little football in high school, was the starting point guard for the basketball team, and graduated at the top of my senior class. I was the typical somewhat athletic nerd. Occasionally I would play chess and solve sudoku puzzles in my free time.

Mike: What caused you to become interested in Ice Hockey? Coming from Texas, when did you even learn how to skate?

Jasper: Funny story: I don’t know how to skate.

Mike: B.. But, but… you are about to hit the waiver wire for one of the worlds most prestigious junior hockey leagues. In less than a year, you’ll be in position to be drafted to play in THE Simulation Hockey League. And. And you don’t know how to ice skate?

Matthew: At least tell us you are an expert on roller blades? Maybe you played hockey on roller skates?

Jasper: No. Actually I’ve never skated at all.

Mike: Ok. I’m missing something here. Maybe I’d best shut up and let you finish your story.

Matthew: You’d probably better.

Mike: Shut up, Matthew: You couldn’t even make it in the PBE.

Jasper: Are you all going to be quiet so I can be interviewed?

Matthew: Probably not, but go ahead.

Jasper: As I was saying… I was the typical nerdy kid with a little athletic talent. I went through college, got good grades, graduated Summa Cum Laude.

Matthew: Did you play sports in college?

Jasper: Graduated Summa Cum Laude with a degree in Marketing. I needed to find a good job, so I started looking on line.

Matthew: Indeed you did.

Jasper: I don’t think I can get the eye roll out effectively via radio, anyway…

Mike: Jasper: Hold that thought, it’s time for a quick commercial break, then we will be back with special guest Jasper Wahls.

Announcer: Don’t go anywhere! The Mike Blueberg Show will be back, after this.
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Mike: And we are back with the SHL prospect Jasper Wahls. Jasper has admitted that he doesn’t know how to skate. Jasper, continue telling us your story.

Jasper: Thanks Mike. So yeah, I found a marketing job opportunity with Sanchez Agency Inc. I sent in my resume and filled out the application. I was excited when I got the call. The first question I heard was, “is your name really Jasper Wahls? Names don’t get any more marketable than that one!” So they hired me right off. They sent me to do the typical drug test, but i was a little confused when they started doing physical fitness tests.

Mike: Oh?

Jasper: Finally, the boss came up to me. He said, “Jasper Wahls, you have an excellent pun name, and a bit of athleticism. Congratulations, your next assignment is to become a star in the SHL! I asked him what the SHL was. When he told me it was a hockey league, I asked why it had to be hockey. I was informed that our agency didn’t have any openings in leagues for any other sports. It would have to be hockey.

Mike: This story… seems far fetched?

Jasper: Okay… but I heard, in an interview you did with Jehu King, that one of his teammates is an MRI Machine. Honestly, being forced into pro sports as a work assignment seems mild in comparison.

Mike: This is true.

Matthew: Jasper, now were going to switch gears. We’ve talked about how you’ve got to this point. Now, I’d like to hear about your goals now that you are here.

Jasper: Honestly, I don’t know the first thing about hockey. Being only 165 lbs, my first goal is to not die. Also, I’d prefer to keep all my teeth. Secondly, I want to be good. I do not know if it’s possible for me to be a “star player,” but I don’t wanna go down in history as bad at hockey (even if I do have valid excuses.) Thirdly, if there is a such thing as assists, I want to gather as many of those as possible. I enjoy making others around me better.

Mike: Hold on a second. I have another quick question. Have you “practiced “ at all since you were assigned the task of becoming an SHL player?

Jasper: No, I need a hood SMJHL GM to show me how to play.

Matthew: SMJHL stands for?

Jasper: Simulation Major Junior Hockey League… apparently. No it doesn’t make sense to me either.

Matthew: Thank you. Where are you in the process of finding or getting assigned, drafted, claimed, etc to a team?

Jasper: I believe I’m waiting for the waivers process to go through. A few SMJHL managers have spoken with me via text. I hope to know where I’ll be playing later today.

Matthew: Since this is a lengthy segment, let’s talk about your thoughts on the league branding.

Jasper: Seriously? This is like the classic method to waste words isn’t it.. I hope I’m getting paid by the hour. I don’t have a ton to say. Citadelles is a really odd team name… why is it spelled with two “L’s.” I don’t think that’s how that word should be spelled. The Berserkers is an intimidating name. What is a Battleborn and why is it in Nevada? Why is Maine the Timber? The Maine chopped down trees for the win!

Matthew: Maybe this was a bad idea. We’re going to offend the fan bases of these teams I’ve never heard of in the league I just now learned exists.

Mike: Maybe we’d better go to another commercial break!

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Mike: We’re back with Jasper Wahls. So Jasper, do you think you’ll be able to overcome Sanchez Agency Incorporated’s lackluster history with the SHL?

Jasper: Moments ago, you acted like you knew nothing of the SHL, now, you’re asking me about history? I don’t know about the Agency or it’s history. Besides, I feel like my lack of hockey skill and experience is enough to try and overcome. Once I prove myself, the agency and its history won’t matter much at all.

Mike: You make a good point.

Jasper: Being in marketing, I’ve noticed those represented by Sanchez Agency Inc tend to get a bit aggressive during interviews. They are sarcastic and tend to be very confident in their abilities… I may be a bit sarcastic and that excessive self confidence just surfaced… it seems like I may be qualified to be a Sanchez Agency star after all.

Mike: Well Jasper, thank you for joining us today. It’s been an interesting and informative chat. As I usually say at the end of each interview, we will have to do this again soon.

Jasper: Thank you for having me.

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Mike: We’re back once again on the Mike Blueberg show. We’ve just finished our discussion with SHL prospect Jasper Wahls. If you missed that, you can find it on our podcast at MikeBluebergShow.com. Matthew, what did you think of the kid?

Matt: He seemed to have the drive he will need to succeed. His story was a little wacky, but we’ve seen weirder origin stories end in success.

Mike: I think you’re right. But… the question is… will the managers in this league be willing to take the risk?

Matthew: I hate to mention this again. And I know this isn’t the SHL, but in the SBDL Draft, an MRI machine was drafted 1OA. These GMs seem willing to think outside the box. I would be surprised if Jasper wasn’t at least given a chance to show what he could do.

Mike: I agree. I think he will get a chance, and will succeed. Sanchez Agency Inc has somewhat of a checkered past, but they tend to represent solid players. That alone makes me want to believe in Jasper Wahls.

Matthew: With a name that good, he practically has to succeed? It’s clever, it’s not innuendo, it doesn’t hurt engagement.

Mike: This conversation has taken a bit of a turn, but I agree. Some players names are blatantly dirty. I don’t know why they continue to occur.

Matthew: I won’t name any names, because I don’t want the FCC to take us off the air.

Mike: Wise decision: either way, I think that about wraps up the time we have. We will continue to follow the career of Jasper Wahls, and I’m sure we will have him on the show again soon. Thank you for listening and I hope you continue to have a wonderful day.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to, The Mike Blueberg Show. Tune in next week at the same time for more clever sports talk and interviews with all your favorite players.

I am not a first gen - but this is my first media on the site if that warrants a bonus.