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Troy_McClure03 · 12-03-2023, 12:59 AM

This is my 5rd weekly random ramblings around the Jr league. Please feel free to PM me if you have anything to contribute or add.

Starting off with anything replied from 3 days ago last Time. Feel free to catch up right about....here

Old Story Follow Ups:

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Litigation has struck us here at the random ramblings group. According to reports, served to us by a person pretending to be delivering cookies, we have been sued for libel by none other than Betzee Nickelback someone else. According to the legal documentation, we are being demanded to withdraw the story about Betzee not liking to wiggle, and furthermore are to issue an apology to make this all go away. We are talking to our lawyers to see what actions will be taken next. We will not be silenced, however. And next time, at least send the real damn cookies, I mean who pretends to deliver cookies? I get it, you gotta get us to agree to take the papers. But put some real cookies on the top, and then the papers under. In plastic so we don't get crumbs on them. Duh. Really mad about that still.

We also asked Mary of the Regina Elk about the popcorn machine that we assume was sold in Philadelphia. When we told to speak to Mary's attorney. When we called the number, the person who answered said "We don't sell popcorn, just drugs now" and hung up on us. We will update if anything else arises.

New Story:

-- THE SHL CASINO IS LIVE! However, should you gamble your hard earned money? According to one person, the answer is no. We will have a statement from the former player next week.

--According to the broadcast network, Palm-cast Sports Net, they will no longer be showing the SHL games for the rest of the season. According to reports, the Head director or programing, Balls Willaker, went on to say " We don't think anyone was watching anyway, we only had one camera in each arena, and it was on the roof. They players look like ants. Instead we are just going to show the box scores and then spent the rest of the time broadcasting marble races or something? You ever watch those, they are amazing. You see the marbles in the corral, and think, 'oh the green one is in front, it'll win' but guess what? It doesn't always win! It is insane that the marbles in the back catch up and sometimes pass. It is better than watching NASCAR because the marble races are free and don't waste gas! I'm telling you, that is the next big thing. Marble races. Mhm." From our understandings, playoffs will still be broadcasted, but we are awaiting clarification on that.

Teams across the league are outraged at this announcement. one GM, who wished to remain nameless, SpartanGibbles, stated that sponsorships have dropped 40% since the announcement. they stated "No one goes to our home games, all the seats are too damn warm. It was that damn Pelt agreement we made, all the seats are made of bear fur. It is just too warm!! Now our advertisements are only being shown to the players! This is an outrage!!"

-- The Pre-season is on for the SMJHL, and 3 teams are off to a rocky start. Regina, Yukon and Maine are all currently sitting at - wins after 2 games. Yukon and Regina are tied with a -8 goal differential. Yukon and Maine are tied with only 3 goals total after 2 games, and Regina has allowed the most goals against, with 12 so far. On the other side of the league, St Louis, Newfoundland and Anchorage have yet to lose, winning all 2 games this preseason. St. Louis leads the league with a +8 differential. 2 games is a small sample size, but we will see how things shake out before the season starts.

--The league is looking into reports that teams are using Robots, like Ben Jamin, to field the 4th line. Currently 2 players, named NBBOT2 and STLBOT3, are leading the league in the preseason with 100% accuracy. No one was able to comment at the time of this posting, we look forward to the robot overtaking to the response.

--Locals in Regina are outraged, as they have spent the past week and half collecting and bottling the Elk Urine to give the Regina Elk's home ice its distinguished and pissy; piss ice color. "YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO CATCH ELK PIDDLE" Said 85 year old Tym Olde Tyme. "I've been collecting Elk Piddle for 60 years now, and let me tell you the best trick; Warm hands. They gonna get that piddle on them, so you better keep em warm."

Transfers have opened for the IIHF this week. If anyone is interested in finding a team, please feel free to reach out for any information! PMs, DMs and CMs are acceptable! Czechia

That's all for the updates for now! Feel free to PM on any Rambles. If you want to be anonymous, please say so in the title! Also feel free to send me any rambles!! Until next time, Good day, good news, good luck!

(900ish words, no letters that the devil would want me to use, 55 of the words would get me over 40 points in scrabble)