you are allowed to roast me and make as many Juan Tymer puns as you want

I like my coffee like i like my men. Roasted.

I want in!

Yukon Malamutes Hall of Fame

 

Trading Cards - Trade me your Granny Panpans!

Granny Panpan Count: 258

applied

 
Steve Harrington | LW | Edmonton Blizzard
// EDMONTON BLIZZARD //
S79 Total Whiteout (Most Improved)
S78 Signed with EDM in Free Agency
===================================
// CHICAGO SYNDICATE //
S75 SHL75: #45 Steve Harrington
S75 Traded to CHI
===================================
// TAMPA BAY BARRACUDA //
S74 Traded to TBB
===================================
// TORONTO NORTH STARS //
S73 Signed with TOR in Free Agency
===================================
// BUFFALO STAMPEDE //
S71 Challenge Cup
S71-S72 Alternate Captain
S65 All-Star
S64 All-SHL 3rd Team
S64 All-Star
S62 All-SHL 1st Team
S62 All-Star
S62 Ron Mexico Nominee
S61 All-Star
S61 All-SHL 2nd Team
S60 Challenge Cup
S60 Helping Hand - The Maples
S56 All-Rookie Team S56 Ryan Jesster Nominee
S53 SHL Draft 3rd Overall
===================================
// NEWFOUNDLAND BERSERKERS //
S55 Brodie Witzel Nominee
S55 Four Star Cup
S55 Co-Captain
S52-S54 Alternate Captain
S52 SMJHL Draft 4th Overall
===================================
// DEUTSCHLAND //
S74 Gold Medal
S72 Gold Medal
S70 Gold Medal
S58 Bronze Medal
S57 Bronze Medal

===================================
// SHL //
S68 Joe McKeil
S64 Damian Littleton (Trading Cards Team)

You can roast my underperformance in the previous playoffs final if you want haha!

  
Anthony Dionne || G || Texas Renegades || Peak TPE : 2055
Name: Anthony Dionne
Catch: Right
Height: 6'4''
Weight: 225 lbs
Number: 39
SMJHL Draft: 36e by St Louis Scarecrows
SHL Draft: 12e by Texas Renegades
------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL Regular Season:
S65 to S68 | STL | GP : 175 (89-67-14) | 3.21 GAA | 0.885 SV% | SO : 7
SMJHL Playoffs:
S65 to S68 | STL | GP : 56 (32-20-4) | 2.99 GAA | 0.895 SV% | SO : 5

SHL Regular Season:
S66 to S78 | TEX | GP : 534 (285-194-38) | 3.44 GAA | 0.898 SV% | SO : 28 
SHL Playoffs:
S66 to S78 | TEX | GP : 102 (50-41-10) | 3.82 GAA | 0.890 SV% | SO : 5
World Junior Championship Round Robin:
S64 to S68 | TBI-TNA-CAN | GP : 34 (13-17-3) | 3.56 GAA | 0.904 SV% | SO : 0
World Junior Championship Medals Round:
S66 to S68 | CAN | GP : 9 (6-2-1) | 2.27 GAA | 0.923 SV% | SO : 0 

IIHF Round Robin:

S67 to S78 | CAN | GP : 100 (62-31-5) | 2.51 GAA | 0.915 SV% | SO : 8
IIHF Medals Round:
S67 to S78 | CAN | GP : 19 (12-5-2) | 3.18 GAA | 0.891 SV% | SO : 0

Awards:

S66 IIHF | CAN | Silver Medal
S66-67-68 WJC | CAN | Bronze Medal

S69 IIHF | CAN | Top Goalie of the tournament 

S69 IIHF | CAN | Gold Medal (+ record for most goalie wins in the round robin (11))
S75 IIHF | CAN | Silver Medal 
S75 SHL | TEX | Mike Honcho Award 

S76 IIHF | CAN | Gold Medal

S78 SHL | TEX | Mike Honcho Award 

S78 IIHF | CAN | Gold Medal

  

Roast me toasty, dark humor welcomed.

I'll hop on the roast bandwagon. Why not.

I love a good roast! Count me in!

Credit: xjoverax

i have literally no soul or emotions, so try your best to break me harder than my dad did when he left k bye

 

@jason kranz sig elite / @sulovilen elite sig

Captain || Derek Martin || Los Angeles Panthers || C || S68 || 2024 pTPE || 1775 cTPE

Height: 5'11'' || Weight: 192 lbs || #26

-------------------------Career Highlights-------------------------

S67 - SMJHL - Drafted 4th OA by the Carolina Kraken

S67 - BI - WJC Silver Medal

S67 - CAR -  Elias Armia Award (Commissioner's Award of Excellence)

S67 - CAR - Slothface Leadership Award

S67 - CAR - Jordan Nugent Hall Award (Most Dedicated Player)

S67 - CAR - Alonzo Garbonzo Award (Top Rookie)

S67 - CAR - Michael Fitted Award for the player who best demonstrates what it means to be a Kraken

S68 - SHL - Drafted 3rd OA by the Los Angeles Panthers 

S70 - SMJHL - Zac Miller Award (Most Dedicated User)

S70 - CAR - Slothface Leadership Award

S70 - CAR - Cristoph Klose Award - Top Forward

S70 - CAR - Jordan Nugent Hall Award

S70 - CAR - Kurtis Hunter Award - Team's Choice MVP

S70 - CAR - Michael Fitted Award

S70 - BI - WJC Gold Medal

S71 - IRE - IIHF Gold Medal

S72 - LAP - Named Captain of the Los Angeles Panthers

S74 - SHL - Damien Littleton Award
S75 - LAP - Challenge Cup Champion

S75 - LAP - Named to the third all-star team

S76 - LAP - Nominated for the Ron Mexico Award

S76 - LAP - Named to the first all-star team

S77 - IRE - IIHF Gold Medal

S78 - LAP - Challenge Cup Champion

S78 - LAP - Nominated for the Anton Razov Award

----------------SMJHL Career Statistics - Regular Season----------------

S67 - CAR | 66 GP | 12 G | 11 A | 23 PTS | -15 | 17:07 TOI

S68 - CAR (A) | 66 GP | 22 G | 26 A | 48 PTS | +5 | 17:45 TOI

S69 - CAR (A) | 66 GP | 26 G | 26 A | 52 PTS | +15 | 19:03 TOI

S70 - CAR © | 66GP | 43 G | 39 A | 82 PTS | + 15 | 21:52 TOI
---------------------SMJHL Career Statistics - Playoffs---------------------

S68 - CAR (A) | 12 GP | 1 G | 6 A | 7 PTS | +1 | 17:07 TOI

S69 - CAR (A) | 12 GP | 5 G | 17 A | 22 PTS | +6 | 20:50 TOI

S70 - CAR © | 11 GP | 11 G | 11 A | 22 PTS | +2 | 21:16 TOI

-----------------SHL Career Statistics - Regular Season-----------------

S71 - LAP | 66 GP | 24 G | 26 A | 50 PTS | -4 | 21:36 TOI

S72 - LAP © | 66 GP | 33 G | 33 A | 66 PTS | -4 | 22:06 TOI

S73 - LAP © | 66 GP | 51 G | 41 A | 92 PTS | +11 | 21:15 TOI

S74 - LAP © | 66 GP | 47 G | 48 A | 95 PTS | -5 | 20:42 TOI

S75 - LAP © | 66 GP | 47 G | 56 A | 103 PTS | +30 | 22:04 TOI

S76 - LAP © | 66 GP | 53 G | 60 A | 113 PTS | +47 | 22:34 TOI

S77 - LAP © | 66 GP | 36 G | 44 A | 80 PTS | +11 | 22:03 TOI

S78 - LAP © | 66 GP | 47 G | 61 A | 108 PTS | +35 | 23:10 TOI

--------------------SHL Career Statistics - Playoffs--------------------

S71 - LAP | 12 GP | 3 G | 4 A | 7 PTS | -1 | 20:55 TOI

S72 - LAP | 11 GP | 10 G | 3 A | 13 PTS | -7 | 21:36 TOI

S73 - LAP | 8 GP | 4 G | 6 A | 10 PTS | +2 | 23:15 TOI

S74 - LAP | 6 GP | 4 G | 2 A | 6 PTS | -7 | 20:31 TOI

S75 - LAP | 18 GP| 9 G | 13 A | 22 PTS | +6 | 23:21 TOI

S76 - LAP | 12 GP | 10 G | 5 A | 15 PTS | +1 | 23:23 TOI

S77 - LAP | 13 GP | 9 G | 9 A | 18 PTS | +0 | 22:47 TOI

S78 - LAP | 24GP | 21 G | 14 A | 35 PTS | +17 | 22:35 TOI

GM || Maurice O'Bready || Ottawa Highlanders || Team Ireland

-------------------------Career Highlights-------------------------

S67 - Named Irish Federation Head
S68 - Hired as Carolina Kraken co-GM

S68 - CAR - Nominated for the Nour Harrak Award

S71 - IIHF Gold Medal

S74 - Retired from international management

S75 - CAR - Nominated for the Nour Harrak Award

S75 - Hired as the expansion GM for the Ottawa Highlanders

S77 - OTT - Won the Nour Harrak Award

---------Ottawa Highlanders Season Statistics---------

S76 - 24 W | 28 L | 4 OTL - 14th place

S77 - 38 W | 23 L | 5 OTL - 5th place

S78 - 30 W | 32 L | 4 OTL - 11th place

-------Ottawa Highlanders Playoff Record-------

S76 - Lost 2-4 to the Carolina Kraken in the round of 16

S77 - Lost 2-4 to the Vancouver Whalers in the 4 Star Cup Final

S78 - Lost 1-4 to the Maine Timber in the quarter-finals

---------------------IIHF Career Statistics---------------------

S67 - IRE - 3 W | 1 OTW | 8 L - Group Stage

S68 - IRE - 3 W | 1 OTW | 8 L - Group Stage

S69 - IRE - 4 W | 0 OTW | 8 L - Group Stage

S70 - IRE - 2 W | 1 OTW | 9 L - Group Stage

S71 - IRE - 8 W | 1 OTW | 3 L - GOLD MEDAL

S72 - IRE - 7 W | 1 OTW | 4 L - Lost in Round 1

[pbl[S73 - IRE - 8 W | 0 OTW | 4 L - Lost in Round 1[/pbl]

S74 - IRE - 4 W | 0 OTW | 8 L - Group Stage

--------------Carolina Kraken Season Statistics--------------

S68 - 43 W | 22 L | 1 OTL - 2nd place

S69 - 37 W | 26 L | 3 OTL - 7th place

S70 - 30 W | 31 L | 5 OTL - 10th place

S71 - 34 W | 28 L | 4 OTL - 6th place

S72 - 36 W | 24 L | 6 OTL - 5th place

S73 - 29 W | 34 L | 3 OTL - 11th place

S74 - 31 W | 28 L | 7 OTL - 10th place

S75 - 29 W | 31 L | 6 OTL - 10th place

------------Carolina Kraken Playoff Record------------

S68 - Lost 3-4 to the Detroit Falcons in the semi-finals

S69 - Lost 3-4 to the Maine Timber in the quarter-finals

S70 - Lost 2-4 to the Maine Timber in the quarter-finals

S71 - Lost 1-4 to the Newfoundland Berserkers in the quarter-finals

S72 - Lost 3-4 to the Nevada Battleborn in the quarter-finals

S73 - Lost 3-4 to the Nevada Battleborn in the round of 16

S74 - Did not Qualify

S75 - Lost 2-4 to the Colorado Raptors in the quarter-finals

Did I miss it?

fuck it we ball

Céleste Desjardins || LW || Quebec City Citadelles || Manhattan Rage
Name: Céleste Desjardins
Birthplace: Lewiston, ME
Height: 5'8"
Weight:173 lbs
Number: 13
S73 SMJHL Draft: 4th Round, 47th OA - Quebec City Citadelles
S74 SHL Draft: 1st Round, 2nd OA - Manhattan Rage
------------------------------------------------------------
Citadelles Alt. Capt S73-S76
S73: Esa Anrikkanen, Rookie All-Star Team

S75: WJC Bronze Medal

S76: Four Star Cup, Ronan O'Keefe Trophy, WJC Bronze Medal

-----------------

SMJHL Regular Season Stats:

264 GP | 140 G | 187 A | 327 P | +128 | 956 S | 132 PIM | 573 H | 19 GWG

SMJHL Postseason Stats:

46 GP | 28 G | 29 A | 57 P | +29 | 172 S | 20 PIM | 114 H | 3 GWG

Int'l Stats: Round Robin

WJC: 48 GP | 26 G | 23 A | 49 P | +6 | 165 S | 20 PIM | 96 H | 3 GWG

Int'l Stats: Bracket

WJC: 8 GP | 5 G | 1 A | 6 P | -4 | 30 S | 0 PIM | 17 H | 0 GWG