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damienj10 · 07-15-2015, 04:15 PM

The St.Louis Scarecrows finished the season 31-18-3 and 65 points. Being held one point behind the detroit falcons. The crows were oh so close to winning the presidents trophy and earning that round one bye. In the first round in the playoffs once again we are facing off against the Montreal Impact. Last season we saw the crows take the first round in 7 games. Evidently last years crows was very different from this years crows. From being dead last in the league last season to second place this season. There is a huge possibilty of the crows to go all the way to the finals. Let us look at the pieces that can take them all the way this season! There is only one thing standing in the way! The falcons last season they elimanted the crows in 6 games. Let us look at all lf the angry mob member of the crows ready to seek revenge and win the four star cup!

Let us take a look some key pieces for the crows! AKA angry mob members

Mr.Snipe Celly Wert

After having a average rookie season ending off with 24 points and only 8 goals he has improved tremendously! Scoring 28 goals and adding 26 helpers for 54 points this season. If he carries his regular season success into the playoffs there should be no problem in smashing the montreal impact into 420 pieces of walrus flubber. This should be a player you keep your eye on during the playoffs as he is the Snipe and celly of the crows. Now let us take a look at our next skillful swagster Mitchell Dambach

Mitchell Dambach

This power forward improved this season by adding 11 goals and 25 assists. The bruiser also had 145 hits making him a player to be afraod of when he is heading straight for you looking like a pissed off elephant. Mitchell dambach adds grit and size to this team. He protects the all stars while also putting in some rebounds and a few beauties now and again. He is one of the few players whp will drop the gloves and make kids look like silly nannies all the while breaking the sim and actually injuring someone for being like mike tyson and biting off someones ear and then sending it to them in the mail just for the extra haha. Dambach is a veteran who is surely a entertaining guy on the ice! Look out for him when he faces off against the montreal impact. He os going to be the guy starting the line brawl! How epic is that going to be? All of the Impact are going to yell at the refs to eject our first lime from the game becaise they enjoy crying. Now let us look at our allstar rookie mcdavid himself! Robb wind

Robb Wind

Robb Wind came off an amazing rookie season putting up 45 points. 17 goals and 28 assists. He is quote a player with the speed of a SHLER and the hand of an SHLER he is sure to go number one or 2 overall. A big debate seeing asmjesster and wind are head to head as the SHLs mcdavid and eichel ice dance! Robb wind is another peice to the crows that makes this team so dominant. His speed makes him look like a lambo on the ice. It almost should be illegal seeing how fast he is it literally impossibke to keep him on focus during games when the cameras are trying to follow him with the puck. You blink and he is already at the other end of the ice deking around everyone making them look like statues. Robb wind is another very exciting player you should pay attention to on the ice! Now to look at some of our amazing defense! Winston windsor!

Winston Windsor

This young lad from the UK has shown impressive defensive skills while also putting up great numbers. He ended up putting 7 goals in the backmof the net whike adding 31 assists. Somehow he ended up with a -19 which does not make much sense as the crows were dominant throughout the whole season! Winston windsor will always make the smart east and safe play whenever it is needed. He is so good he has time to make tea and drink it while on the penalty kill. If thatnis not impressive I do not know what is. He has shown some of his wrestling moves on unsuspecting victims ending their career in a instant. You better not clown around Winston Windsor or he will give a RKO m8. If yiu want to see some blood on the ice just look up a highlight video of Winston Windsor it is almost like a horror film! So if you are watching the playoffs make sure you watch this guy as he will literally keep you entertained every time he steps on the ice. Another piece to a puzzle Winston Windsor is a violent british man on a rampage. Now let us take a look at A viking by the name of Pal Vikingstod!

Pal Vikingstod

Pal VikingStod another defensemen who is ready to steal your girl. He ended up with great numbers this season. He slapped 10 goals into the back of the net one of which ripped the mesh netting delaying the game as they fixed the broken net. He also added 27 helpers for a total of 37 points. His diet consists of pure meat and bones. If that is not scary enough his hockey stick is used for hacking peoples legs until they bleed. He is also very sneaky about it and barely gets called for it at all. People would be scared to score while he was on the ice because they would be beaten up after the game if they did anything to VikingStods +/- which is mainly why he had a plus 5 rating on the ice. Is he freakishly big? Yes and honestly he needs to maybe eat a salad one day. That statement is probably going to be the death of me... I AM SORRY MR VIKINSTOD DO NOT MURDER ME! Any ways let us take a look at another piece. Mr goaltender swag sergei kozar!

Sergei Kozar

Sergei kozar stopped pucks like a mad man this season! Recieving 19 wins 6 losses and 2 ot losses. He even played 6 games in the big leagues! After being called up and recieving that experience he is sure to kick ass in the playoffs against the montreal impact! Ifntere was a puck eating competition kpzar would be able to win no problem. Although let me tell you his technique. Little did yiu know kozar is also a sumo wrestler hence thenfact you cannot score. He fills the whole net and it is literally impossible for anyone to squeak one past him. They have to knock him out with a slapshot and then stuff the puck past the line. Half the time it does not work. We are telling him tominvest into a metal helmet so that BS doe not happend and he gets multiple shut outs leading him to the four star cup! The best in the league for GAA 2.89 and a phenominal sv % 0.884 he is the goaltender we are going with to head into the playoffs against the Montreal Impact! Let us now take a look at Derek don't know if active underscore!

Derek Underscore
Derek underscore was our leading defensmen in scoring. Ending this season with an outstanding 14 goals in the back of the net. Followed by 28 helpers. Ending off with 42 points. A phenominal peformance by this amazing defensemen. With the passing skill he has Derek will be someone who you have to look for during these instense playoffs. If you are not paying attention he can just pass the puck right by you setting up a break away goal. Anything is possibke with the tremendous amount of skill and sakting ability he has. Onenof ournpest PK members for sure. Unfortunatly I am unsure if they are active anymore. Have not seen them post in the locker room since last season. Either this person is a very quiet person or they have dissapeared into the abyss of inactive people. I wish for the best and that they are active to see us crush the montreal impact and make them look like theynsre lost puppymdogs and should be playing in peewee. In conckusion phenominal peformance by Derek Underscore. Now let us take a look at another kick ass player Anton Federov!

Anton Federov

Anither kne of the people who were a underdog coming into the season. He ended up with 40 points. 20 goals and 20 assists. He score as much as he can pass making him the complete package. He knows when to take the shot and when to pass. Making him a deadly force in the SMJHL. All russians are very skilled as you can see everyone wants to be russian. Hence everyone changing their names and nationality to russian. Anoton federeov is going to kill it in the playoffs this season. I mean literally hemis apart of the russian mafia and will kill it and or any players in his way. So my suggestion to the Momtreal Impact do not mess with federov or you lose fingers. Russian mafia all star hockey player king pin Anton Federov will be a Miley Cyrus wrecking ball in the playoffs watch out scrubs. Now let us take a look at our next player! Nick Leier!

Nick Leier

What a weird last name. Leier that is what we call weird. But it did not stop him he decided to troll the goaltender. He sean averyed his way to the net and scored 13 goals like a boss. He also ended up getting 21 assists for 34 points. Most of the assists were from him wacing his stick in front of the goaltender and before you ask yes that counts as an assist in the SMJHL. They have some wack rules. For example allowing bjorn knutsen the 70 year old retired guy to play. No one hits him because he is too old. But not Nick Leier he knocked the 70 year old on his ass and now his career is ended after this season. He trolled detroit because after this season the scrub falcons will ne down to nothing. No more retired players allowed to player because Nick Leier punched knutsen in the nose. He will be forever a legend on our team. The guy to punch a kid in the nose because they are 70 and should not be in the league anymore trophy holder. Now to move on to our next player! The Carl Mountain!

The Carl Mountain

This guy is a mystery. He comes from a mountain and laces up skates for the first time in he still manges to put up points? How is this even possible he has never even seen a oce rink until he gotmlost from his mountainous region of north borea. He never held a hockey stick ever! Still got 3 goals and 8 assists. It is questionable but hey he cintributed atleast a little bit so I cannot say too much terrible things about him. From what he told me he is cousins with some sparks guy. Yea cousins with a alien! Atleast our team will not be murdered because we have Carl Mountain to stop aliens invading our locker room and blasting us with green sticky goo. Hopefully The Carl Mountain can convince sparks to kill all of the impact so they forfeit the first round of the playoffs. I mean they are from montreal what are they going to do about it? Throw a long piece of bread at us? Anyways The Carl Mountain is one kick ass alien relative. Maybe he will return to his home planet soon in the mountainous regions of north borea where theymeat grass and watch soup get old and moldy. Now time to look at some ugly guy named cuffy. Our gm who put this team together. Oh wait no he did not! JP did all the work cuffy just took all of the credit what a scrub eh? I mean you could have gave JP atleast some of the credit!

Scrub GM Cuffy

Cuffy the scrubbiest scrub ofnall the scrubs. He is the TV show scrubs. He scrubs the toilets he scrubs the locker room official scrub of the scrubHL. He got 0 points this season like what is that? Are you even trying? Do you think this would go unnotoced on such a prestige organization? Well yiu were wrong because it is noticed!!!!!! I am just kidding he is the GM of course he would have 0 points. Justnlike any other scrub with 0 points he makes up for it by barely being there. For example he will talk to js about how bad we suck and then magcially vanish when we are winning then we lose a game and he goes off snd says we are scrubs. So you know this is my chance to say how scrubby this scrubster his. He comes and steals JPs hype train and sahs it is his hype train now. This was confusing because JP drsfted two legendaries hall of fame players that kick ultimate ass hole. How confusing it is to have this ine of a kind scrub on our team. He is a nice guy only when he is drunk asf but still he is our gm and can stop paying us at any moment so I am just going to run away and hide before he sees this amd gets so pissed off he breaks into my bank and steals all my cash from my bank account. He then would preceed to be a basketball eating walrus and recieve insta beer belly pregnancy looking stomach. He would call that an achievement because he has not had success on his team the renegades. Loves you cuffy do not hurt me! Now time to talk about one of our rookies! John Matthews!

John Matthews

John matthews one skilled quiet guy who put up 5 goals and 28 points in his first season in the SMJHL. He has a generic name inky meaning he is from the United sStates or Canada. This defensemen is not really a guy to throw around big hits he makes smart plays and safe plays. He will rarely make a big hit seeing in his stats, he has taken more hits then he has given. With only 15 hits throughout the whole season he is obviousky mkre of a puck carrying defensemen than a smack your face in the ground defensemen. This guy is going to have a great future ahead of him. I can see him being drafted in th later rounds of the SHL draft. Look out for him during thenplay off series against the Montreal Impact. The irony isnthat John Matthews is goingnto make the Montreal Impact have no Impact what so ever. You see what I did there? Yea you did! Now let us take a look at another rookie Mclaren Nasher!

Mclaren Nasher

Another rookie who has done better than me in his first year. Scoring 9 goals and doubking that in assists with 18. Totaling 27 points. Oustand peformance by most of our rookies. I did worse my first season than most of our rookies which is why I say all of our rookies are very unique! They have contributed greatly to this team! Excitingly enough I love his name! Mclaren Nasher what a sexy name. It is absolutly incredible how amazing that name is! He is probably getting the chicks and bringing in all the cash flow. He will contribute to the crows during their playoff run! I can see mclaren nasher being drafted in the later rounds to a great team and contributing greatly. Especially with such a smexy name. I am going to name my car Mclaren Nasher or maybe just nasher! Best of luck to your player in the playoffs teammate! Hopefully you can score 30 goals and bring our team to the 4 star cup! Now letnus take a look at another one of out rookies! John Wick!

John Wick

John Wick Mr active steal of the draft Wick has been super active and has put up some points this season! 9 goals 7 assists for 16 points. I can see him improving ince he is updated because he has been one of the most active people in our locker room. And when you are active you get things accomplished such as updating your guy to the best he can be! I think he will do great in the playoffs! Thisndepth forward will go all the way to the top if he can stay active and keep updating his player. He will be a wrecking ball for the crows next season season for sure. Honestly iI can see him going in the second or third round due to him being super active and killing it. Best of luck to you John Wick hekp me snd the crows to bring home the cup to Stl.Louis! Now to look at another scrub gm BBP

BBP

Why you have to be mad bro? That is all I have to say about BBP he is the Co- Scrub. He is like I am going to keep you down here until you retire and I am all like nope kid you got it all wrong I am leaving next season. I will not stoop down to bjorn knutsens level it is to low! I am very excited for the off season when I hold the four star cup though. I know yiunare going to be pissed off when I flip you off and leave and say hello to the West Kendall Platoon hype train. Oh yea and another thing I am keeping the four star cup when we win it. None of you will see any more of this four star cup. It will be my cup to keep forever you scrubs. My souvenir is this cup we are going to win because hinestly the montreal Impact have no chance against the best of the west the crows! The falcons cheated and held the puck too much our last game against them and brought it to OT those cheating bastards them cheating sloots eh? Oh sorry I was just quoting how pissed off you were BBP haha anyways you are great keep on doing what you are doing. Which is nothing lmfao. Now let us take a look at our legend recreate goaltender who lost 50 percent of our game for us Nikita Nevzerov!

Nikita Nevzerov
This guy is such a troll! He abandons us and then makes a recreate and we draft him! But wait it gets better ! He is the sole reason we did not win the president trophy! He got literally 8 losses out of the 18!. Like what were you thinking? I will tell you JP you were like spread my legs a little to the left and oh it is in my bad guys! All because you want us to lose due to the fsct we did not win the cup for you in the playoffs when you were the GM of the crows you scrub nugget! You did get us 9 wins but still one less loss and we were golden! I hope you think about your actions when you are warming the bench. Even if you cry! You are staying on the bench forever! I will make sure Cuffy only plays you every 9 games and you will never see the SHL because all you are glued to the crows bench! This is your punishment for trolling us so hard JP russian goaltender! Just kidding you were the best GM atleast you did not abuse me like Cuffy Undecided

hope you get the expansuon GM job and such. Overall this guy made us lose the presidents trophy. Throw eggs at him when you see him in pubkic ok thanks very much appreciated! Now let us look at another rookie who is super active but did not get many points. Naeem Chamas!

Naeem Chamas
Draft buddy!!!! He has been playing a smaller role on the crows for example 4th and 3rd line mins. But that has not stopped anyone from recgonzing the skills he has! He got 5 goals and 4 assists asmone of our top 4th liners. He is not the type of guy to talk very much but when he does he is worth listening to. Keep it up and hopefully yme and you will be on the west kendall platoon next season! Also score some goals in the playoffs for me! We then will be four star cup champs! Time to look at a suprisingly super active rookie and our last guy I am talking about! Ryan King!

Ryan King

Super active player who was unable to put up a superb amount of points. Mainly because he was playing fourth line minutes. He got 1 goal and 5 assists for 6 points. Once he is updated into the playoffs he will dominate the opponent. I know this because he is very enthusiastic about getting his player to kick ass. Which is very exciting because once you are motivated nothing can stop you! Hoepfully he can produce points in the playoffs and make the montreal impact look loke a tipped cow. A fish out of water. A crawler on call of duty. Ryan King is a former NHLer so he has the skill to be in this super league the SHL. He should be drafted secind or third round! Depending on where he is ranked maybe first roind who knows? Anything can happend from the playoffs into the off season and then the draft itself. Overall Ryan King is going to do grreat for the crows next season for sure. I hope you do well in the playoffs and hekp us get to the four star cup. Maybe me and you will raise it together. Best of luck to you in the draft as well!

In conclusion to my team overview of the crows they win against the impact in 5 or 6 games. We also raise the four star cup after we report the falcons for steroid usage. Also another thing! JP was the reason we did not get the presidents trophy! Bug him about that! Good luck to all the scrubs in my team and I hope you do great and help us win some games I am a little tired of carrying the team you know! Haha just kidding but seriously Nikita Zevzerov you be the death of me!

Goaltenders-3/5

3 stars because of kozar being a boss!

-2 star for Nikita Zevzerov being a troll and losing us the presidents cup!

Offense-5/5
Outstanding offense and great lines.
great drafting from the GMs as well as line making skills!

Defense-4/5

Great group of defensemen some all stars some young ones still developing!

Give me the money - 4000 words