As a current poll currently states, I am in the lead to retain my captaincy with this great organization for yet another season. I’d like to take this moment to thank you all for the votes, they mean a lot for me, and whoever sent me a fruit basket, that was awesome. There were no blueberries, which I found to be very disappointing, but otherwise it was lovely. Seriously though, Blueberries are said to be very good for your health, and the exclusion of said super fruits make me think you don’t care about my health.

Anyway, enough about blueberries, I wanted to announce some changes for the upcoming season.

1.) We are no longer wearing shirts in the locker room. This change is being made because of the success the Irish had in the IIHF tournament. They were shirtless the entire time, and it worked for them. I refuse to believe that team was successful based on talent. It had to be the nips.
2.) We are no longer allowing any music other than dubstep. But the beat can never drop. This change is because frankly, beat drops are overrated, and I am sick of seeing you all dance around in the locker room. Where do you think you are?
3.) Lastly, we are going back to pancake Thursdays. I know a lot of you wanted Fridays, but the GM’s told me very exclusively that they have to bribe the refs on Fridays, and they already have a full plate of eating grapes and watching HGTV. They requested this change, so I have no choice but to comply. We will however still can have hot chili Tuesdays, as that is a huge success. Let me remind all of you that attendance cannot legally be made mandatory. However, I will fill your life with jalapenos’ if you do not attend. Everything you own will be Capsicum annuum. You can take that to the bank.

Alright, with these ground rules in place, I hope you all have a good season. As you are aware, I do not currently play for this team, but I will need 2 new sets of eyes to ensure my will is being followed. If it isn’t….



It is pepper city to you and your loved ones.

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