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5ympathies · 08-03-2019, 10:06 PM

I did it before, I'm doing it again. Cashing in on the 2x media so this time it's for the rookies, maybe I'll even do it for the SMJHL rookies too. For those of you waiting for the article on vaginal depth, keep waiting.

Taking the intro from my last article:

The average male erection is not 5.5 inches like most believe, it is actually 5.1 inches. The average height for males 69.7 inches. While height doesn't correlate directly to penis length, some dude used it as an acceptable measure in his reddit post and so I will too.

Code:
Table 1: Predetermined/Assumed Variables (Erections)

Variable    Measurement (in)

Avg Height Man    69.7

Aroused Male    5.1

Code:
Table 2: Erection Percentages

Human                 Male %

Erection Percentage  7.32 %

If you're confused, all that this means is 5.1 is 7.32% of 69.7. Going forward, taking 7.32% of height will determine penis length for a player. Now this is one way for length to be measured, but it only takes height into account. Shouldn't weight factor into the calculations at all? Slowpoke decided that 0.1% of a player's weight would be added to their total erect length in order to add greater amounts of variations in the final lengths.

Also, I'm sorry ladies. I haven't yet filtered out players by gender yet, so in these calculations everybody has a penis.

All of the following lengths are in inches and pounds.

Code:
Anaheim Outlaws Height  Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

Leonid Kofix    75    205    5.49    5.5105

Daniel Gonzalez    66    135    4.8312    4.8447

Karl Motley    74    215    5.4168    5.4383

Jukka Jokinen    75    210    5.49    5.511

Gritty Saosin    72    232    5.2704    5.2936

Alexander Mann    71    185    5.1972    5.2157

Anthony Archer    74    182    5.4168    5.435

Anaheim Average: 5.32

Code:
Anchorage Armada Height Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

Fredrik Jensen    71    183    5.1972    5.2155

Jake Primeau    71    178    5.1972    5.215

Elijah Jones    72    190    5.2704    5.2894

Anchorage Average: 5.24

Code:
Colorado Raptors Height Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

Denver Wolfe    77    232    5.6364    5.6596

Heat Siecker    73    210    5.3436    5.3646

Cupa Kaako    74    190    5.4168    5.4358

Derek Bohne Jr.    76    225    5.5632    5.5857

Knox Booth    77    215    5.6364    5.6579

Bo Kane            69    170    5.0508    5.0678

Jean-Francois Mayer 69    180    5.0508    5.0688

Colorado Average: 5.41

Code:
Detroit Falcons Height  Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

Zach Magoon    72    200    5.2704    5.2904

Khabib Nurmagomedov 74    210    5.4168    5.4378

Jagger Fourquette 66    150    4.8312    4.8462

Skao Anazibf    71    170    5.1972    5.2142

Noah Andros    70    180    5.124    5.142

Henrik Sapotchik 76    220    5.5632    5.5852

Jeffery Thompson 72    200    5.2704    5.2904

Detroit Average: 5.26

Code:
Halifax Raiders Height  Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

FR Finn-Rhys    74    217    5.4168    5.4385

Wyatt Ruschkoff    72    240    5.2704    5.2944

Jon Snow    74    220    5.4168    5.4388

Elijah Richardson 70    180    5.124    5.142

Jimmy Van Johns    75    225    5.49    5.5125

Ricky Spanish    76    230    5.5632    5.5862

Cody            73    220    5.3436    5.3656

Conor Tanner    79    270    5.7828    5.8098

Halifax Average: 5.49

Code:
Kelowna Knights Height  Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

Malcolm Weekes    74    200    5.4168    5.4368

Raquel C Gutierrez67    130    4.9044    4.9174

Nicklaus Engel    70    183    5.124    5.1423

Sterling Slaughter V 71    185    5.1972    5.2157

Prince Devitt    71    190    5.1972    5.2162

Martin Kakko    74    180    5.4168    5.4348

Kelowna Average: 5.23

Code:
Lethbridge Lions Height Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

Cal Clucker    73    200    5.3436    5.3636

Delver Fudgeson    75    200    5.49    5.51

Nolan McMahon    76    210    5.5632    5.5842

Arthur Dayne    73    195    5.3436    5.3631

Lethbridge Average: 5.46

Code:
Montreal Militia Height Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

Gavin Hughes    70    190    5.124    5.143

Hugh Jazz    99    355    7.2468    7.2823

Gotta Love Honors Bio74    150    5.4168    5.4318

Montreal Average: 5.95

Code:
St. Louis Scarecrows    Height  Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

Marques Brownlee    75    160    5.49    5.506

Jakub Bruchevski    74    215    5.4168    5.4383

Brennan Griggs            72    200    5.2704    5.2904

Noah Brusky            73    192    5.3436    5.3628

Theodore Sober            74    210    5.4168    5.4378

St. Louis Average: 5.41

Code:
Vancouver Whalers       Height  Weight  Erect   Weight Adjusted

Jean-Paul Boivin    75    200    5.49    5.51

Jastik Janorksson    75    200    5.49    5.51

Mikas Bieksa            73    205    5.3436    5.3641

Artem Mozgov            78    222    5.7096    5.7318

Mike Richard            73    185    5.3436    5.3621

Jared Lammi            71    157    5.1972    5.2129

Jan Zacha            75    215    5.49    5.5115

Vancouver Average: 5.46

The top 3 SMJHL teams with the biggest average erect dicks are Montreal at 5.95, Halifax at 5.49, and lastly Lethbridge and Vancouver tied at 5.46. The 3 smallest average teams are Kelowna at 5.23, Anchorage at 5.24, and Detroit at 5.26.

Since I know people loved my pie charts last time, I'm back with some more.

[Image: U7U4JgU.png]

The graph shows that over 91% of the league has a weight adjusted erect penis length that is above the average male size. As per my previous post, the SHL as a whole is at 92%, so the numbers are very in line.

[Image: wcb0bpM.png]

Here's a histogram that google made for me that is actually readable and isn't a meme graph. It shows the average distribution of lengths amongst the rookies.

The smallest out of all the rookies is Daniel Gonzalez at 4.8447 with a height of 66 inches and a weight of 135 pounds. On the other end of the spectrum, and it is quite a big divide, we have Hugh Jazz from Montreal weighing in at 355 pounds, standing 99 inches tall, with a length of 7.2823.

I've almost hit 1100 words so I just want to finish by saying Cameron Carter II was snubbed by the awards committee.

Code:
WC: 1123 + research (debatable), 2x media

Thanks to JSS for the signature

FinnRhys · 08-04-2019, 07:20 AM

As my wife would say, "It's not the size but what you do with it that counts"

FINN RHYS

[Image: hockey__27674.1518661372.1000.1200.jpg?c=2]

Whikadoodle · 08-04-2019, 08:36 AM

Now this is premium content!

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