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*Ferda* · 11-13-2019, 09:05 PM

(3.3k Words - 2x First Media -- Yes, I have been saving it this long)

Hello everyone, Ferda here from the Bois News Network (BNN).

Today we are once again reporting on the Anchorage Armada’s star defenceman, Augustus Wang. The 6th overall draft pick of the Buffalo Stampede in the S50 SHL Draft had a stellar sophomore season in the SMJHL for the Armada as he posted 40 points in 50 games which was good for second in points for a defenceman. Not only that, but Wang also led the league in powerplay points with 19 coming from the man advantage. The Anchorage Armada ultimately finished second in the regular season with 29 wins, good for second place in the league and only 1 point behind the first place Colorado Raptors. You simply can’t deny that Wang has cemented himself as one of the top defencemen in the SMJHL after such an amazing season. However, contrary to the success Wang has had, he has actually faced an overwhelming amount of hardship which began very early in his SMJHL career and only extends Wang’s achievements as he battled hard both on, and off, the ice.

Before we begin, us at the Bois News Network (BNN) would like to emphasize the importance of regulating one’s mental health and that we recommend everyone to reach out for help if you, or anyone you know, are struggling.

Disclaimer
If you feel uncomfortable reading about another person’s struggles with mental health, then please do not read on because Augustus will be touching on some potentially unsettling topics.

Welcome Augustus, I was surprised to hear that you reached out to us to schedule a special interview for today.

Yes, I’m happy to be here today to talk about not only this season, but everything that went on last season. More specifically, my mental struggles that have burdened me ever since I was drafted by the Anchorage Armada all the way back in S49 already. Man, it’s kind of crazy to think about how it’s already been 2 years and how much things have changed.

It has definitely been a hot minute Augustus. How about we try and start from the beginning, when did you start to notice that there was something wrong with your mental health?

That’s a really difficult question for me to answer, Ferda. Honestly, I believe that it all kind of began back when I was first drafted by the Anchorage at the S49 Entry Draft. As you and many others may know, I went on quite the bender right before the draft and wasn’t healthy enough to able to be in attendance to be on stage when my pick was announced. My GM Maxxy @Acsolap hit me with a phone call right before and after my pick wondering where my ass was, but he ended up talking to one of the receptionists at the hospital that I was staying at. That was definitely an awkward conversation to have as one of the first conversations with management and obviously left a bad first impression as a new member of the team. Thankfully, he was very understanding after he found out what had happened to me which I was surprised by because I expected to get chewed out in front of everyone for how irresponsible I was. Anyways, I really regretted not being able to show up on draft day because after meeting all of the other Armada draftees, I really wish that I was able to be there to share that special moment with all of them. As you already know, Budgie, Danny and Sammy are some of my best friends on the team now and it is really sad for me think about how we didn’t get to know each other sooner. I also felt like I disappointed my family by not being present for the draft because they were in attendance too and were really looking forward to being part of what has blossomed into an amazing opportunity in Anchorage. I really believe that I let a lot of people down because I felt like I had worked so hard for the Armada management to have enough faith in me to pick me at 14th overall. The weeks until training camp where I met all of the guys were very dark and I did not feel like myself because it was like I threw away such an amazing opportunity over my off-ice antics.

You touched on how things got better as you got closer to training camp. What exactly changed the emotions you were feeling prior to camp?

A lot of it was definitely a change in lifestyle compared to the months leading up to camp. Before thing started to get better, I was isolating myself a lot more from the people around me because I couldn’t get through the day without being down on myself. I didn’t know how to express how I felt to even the people close to me because I felt like I let them down and felt judged whenever it would be brought up in conversation. That’s why I tended to avoid telling anyone about my true feelings as it felt like they were one of the main reasons why I became really depressed. The people around me, who were there to support me, became the source of my negative thoughts. Looking back on it now, it was definitely a big mistake to isolate myself as much as I did, but I couldn’t help myself and it sucked to wake up and feel like there was nothing that I could do to make it better. During that time, I coped with myself by drinking and smoking way too much on a daily basis and really let my overall health go because I didn’t care about myself anymore. I lost a ton of weight in that time and I definitely lost a step in my game. When preseason games started, we made a trip down to Vancouver and on the way there we stopped at a local marijuana dispensary, now known as SHLKush.com. Remember to use promo code WANG20 to save 20% on your first purchase at SHLKush.com for not just the finest cannabis related goods, but we are also expanding to have drone delivery in the near future. Be on the lookout for instances when the site comes back online because it is literally crashed all the time because of how much traffic they get. Regardless, I began smoking an ungodly amount of marijuana to cope with my depression after that trip because I felt like I had hit the lowest of lows. During that time, I had not fully, and likely never will, overcome the negative thoughts during the time between the draft and training camp because I had tried to commit suicide because I had no will to live. I took my imported 1998 Toyota Supra, with a modified 2JZ engine that is capable of over 1000 horsepower, out and drove it as fast as I could on the empty side streets of Anchorage with the intention of killing myself. I don’t remember what I was thinking about or how I snapped myself out of it, but I knew that that was not the way I wanted to go out and that I would be doing more harm than good by committing suicide. If anything, the repercussions of trying to kill myself pushed me even farther off the deep end and I resorted to even more intoxication. I do not condone smoking, nor do I do that much anymore, but my life was consumed by being high (and drunk) all the time which limited my ability on the ice and my ability to properly cope with my depression. I tried to go see Dr. Hotdog @hotdog to see if he could help but turns as it out, he isn’t an actual doctor. Nowadays I’m relatively in control of my substance use, but I would not suggest anyone to try and cope by being intoxicated all the time. If anything, being high and/or drunk all the time made things worse and led to me putting ignoring my goals and responsibilities as a hockey player and as a person. All of that changed at camp because I was taken away by how welcoming everyone was and how positive the vibes were when everyone on the team started getting to know each other. I’m lucky to have found the support system that I have in place now and am glad that I am in a better place mentally as a result of it. I honestly have no idea where I would be without the assistance of my friends and family. It was definitely a vibe check of sorts, which I failed at first, and really changed my perspective of myself and how to improve my life. I got really close with the boys because they stepped in and picked me up at my lowest and I’m really lucky to have had them around. Meeting and eventually living with Budgie, Danny and Sammy drastically evolved my perspective on life and reignited my passion to become the best player in the SHL. Sammy @golden_apricot became my regular gym partner and helped prep the team meals that we would have at home. The guy is an absolute gym rat and he would wake us up at like 6 AM on a Sunday morning after a long night of partying. I absolutely hated him for waking me up that early, but I am so, so grateful for it because it gave me structure and stability when I didn’t know what to do with myself. Up next is Danny @dylanjj37, who really kept a light-hearted mood around the house and would always try to bring us all back up when the mood was down. A lot of the reason why we bounced back as a team during that losing streak in my rookie season was because he got our minds off of the losses and reset us for the next game. Lastly, Budgie @toirekari was there to always keep myself and the others accountable for everything we did. Whether that was always going to the optional morning skates or being on time for team meetings, Budgie was always the one to make sure we were always doing what was best for us and the team. Apologies for the long-winded rant Ferda, but I had a lot on my mind and it’s better that I got it all in one go rather than wait for you to ask.

That’s okay Augustus, it’s good that you’re opening up about your struggles and I’m proud of you for being comfortable enough to speak about such a sensitive topic to the media. Did things get better or worse as the season progressed?

Heading into the regular season, I was very optimistic, and it seemed like I was on the right track to being in control of my mental health. However, the start of the season was not what I expected as we lost a bunch of games in the beginning. I don’t even remember what exactly happened, but we had such good vibes for the first couple of games. The atmosphere of the team got worse and we got increasingly restless as a group because it felt like all of the work we were putting in was not working at all. I felt like I was pushing myself more and more to the brink of overworking myself and it drove me back into a deep depression. Gabriel Johnson @Gwdjohnson, my defensive partner for most of the season, showed me that the hard work was useless because management believed that we would be an effective pairing. In fact, it was the complete opposite. While Gabe Johnson was excelling offensively and receiving all the credit, my defensive prowess and offensive ability were seemingly ignored by everyone. The losing was compounded with the coach’s insistence of keeping us together on the top defensive pairing only made things worse. Gabe refused to pass me the puck and would always carry the puck out on the breakout and when we were in the offensive zone. Worst of all, he would chirp me all the time about how many more points he had when it was obvious that he was the problem. I brought this up with many of the other teammates and we came to the conclusion that we were all suffering from a new form of mental illness called “Gabe Johnson Syndrome”. If you look it up in the dictionary, you’ll find nothing because it is so new and specific to members and alumni of the Anchorage Armada. At first, Gabe will give you unattainable dreams to follow, which in our case was the Four Star Cup, and then he’ll try his best to prevent you from reaching that goal. The only way we were able to find any success was when we forced Gabe and Darnell back together like a divorced couple and even then, it seemed like we weren’t doing as well as we should have. Gabe would continue to boast about his success when everyone else was struggling and it put a damper on the team. He came off like he was the second coming of Cameron Carter II, the undisputed GREATEST PLAYER OF ALL TIME, when in reality he was closer to being the biggest plug on the team. That’s why everyone on the team breathed a sigh of relief when he announced his departure from the Armada for the Hamilton Steelhawks of the SHL. It felt like the monkey was finally off our backs because he undoubtedly brought the team down and led us into a quick departure from the S49 SMJHL playoffs. You could tell from my stat line in the playoffs that I was not the same player because I had to fight through all of the dirty work that Gabe refused to ever do. To be honest, it feels like Gabe’s departure from the team even left a curse on all of us because everyone believed that having him off the team was going to bring us to heights that Anchorage had never seen before. What actually happened was that everyone from that S49 team acquired the strongest PTSD that our team doctors and psychiatrists had ever seen. This bled into the S50 training camp and into this past season where we started off hot, but once we went on a losing streak all of the PTSD of having Gabe on the team came back. Thankfully, all of us on the team were able to bounce back and make a good push to reach 2nd in the league and were able to ass blast the Vancouver Whalers out of the playoffs in convincing fashion. Shout out to JP Ballman, Ballsack, Boyman, BoyNextDoor @Nokazoa or whatever the fuck he’s called for willingly taking it in the ass for us. Anyways, after we lost in 7 games to the Carolina Kraken, the team realized that it wasn’t Gabe Johnson Syndrome wasn’t just a syndrome but had become a curse that we have no idea how to lift. I pray for the future of our team and for the future boats that will be coming in because it seems like Gabe has forever plagued the future of our organization. A lot of this self-realization has led to the improvement of my mental health because I realized that the Plague of Gabe Johnson is not something that I can control, just like many of the other things that spun me into a deep depression. However, a lot of that has been in conjunction with the fact that Sammy announced during the playoffs that he was getting the call up to the Steelhawks and would be leaving us for the S51 season. It felt like he stabbed me, and the rest of the team, in the back because we would always talk about how excited we were to eventually take the reigns from the highly touted “Baby Oil” line of Darnell and Gabe. I’m still trying my best to process it all and even though I hate him for leaving, I can only be supportive of him because at the end of the day hockey is just a game and he is still one of my best friends. It’ll be rough when my time ends on the Armada and I have to say goodbye to all of the amazing people that I’ve met in the SMJHL, but I’m looking forward to taking the next step in the near future. I had a talk with Cameron Carter II, the GOAT, the other day and he gave me his blessing along with a lot of advice on how to work harder and how to follow in his footsteps on the road to becoming the Baby GOAT #10x10. The guys in Buffalo too have been really helpful at reaching out and trying to keep up with me over this time and I am super thankful for everyone there. I am really excited to potentially have the chance at making a difference in the SHL and hopefully the Plague of Gabe Johnson does not follow me when I move on to the Stampede. I think that’s about all I have to say about my own personal experiences the past couple of seasons and I am really looking forward to putting in 110% towards the upcoming season and to really make everyone proud.

You have been very brave and courageous, Augustus. Do you have any advice to leave for all of our readers out there?

Honestly, the biggest thing for me was reaching out to all of my teammates because when I first walked into the Anchorage locker room, I felt intimidated by everyone because it seemed like they all had very strong personalities. But after I opened up on my mental struggles to all of them, we have grown as a team and I feel like I have a second family here on the Armada. That’s why I can’t say enough about encouraging people who are going through struggles with their mental health to not be afraid to find people you are comfortable talking to and to open up about your problems. Chances are that the people you open up to have experienced very similar problems in your life and even if they haven’t, they will more than likely try their best to help you through the tough times that you may be having. I have found that in people that I have talked to around the SMJHL and the SHL and I hope that you, the readers back at home, can find that too.

Thank you for your time Augustus, I wish you all the best in the future.

This has been another deep dive into the mind of Big Wanger, brought to you by Ferda from the Bois News Network (BNN).

I may not know most of you on the site, but I am very thankful to be part of such a great community here and you have all been part of the reason why I am still here today. I tried my best to throw in as much SHL humor as I could through the eyes of Augustus, but the issues that the Wang are facing are very reflective of my life and luckily, I have been able to work through a lot of the problems that I have described. Whether or not you took the time to read all of this or not, I want to express my gratitude to you all and look forward to sharing many more moments, good or bad, with you in the future. <3 ?

@Tomen @Jepox @DaftRaincloud @ml002 @WannabeFinn @Sleepy @boucherfan12 and sorry anyone else that I missed, but you have all been instrumental in making me feel at home as a member of the SHL.

Thank you for all your love and support.

- Ferda