Before you read, I did not do everyone, this one took way longer than I thought it would and I was feeling a little burnt out.

Hello everyone, this is MrRuihu, coming at you live from my computer to give you my second edition of my analysis of the teams in the WJC, in case you missed the first edition, we took a look at team British Isles! In these rankings, we are totally not just making things up about the players and going off 100% real hard hitting evidence or anecdotes about the players, trying to get as many as possible, although if you've been skipped, that's your own fault! (Totally kidding) You will receive a totally official grade, or number, which will be put into a very sophisticated number algorithm and will determine your chances of winning the WJC tournament within 0% accuracy.

If you've been missed, or skipped, whichever sounds less harsh, please feel free to get out your CAPS LOCK KEYS and let me know how stupid I am for missing an obvious joke, I'll be sure to include you at a later date if applicable.

In case you're not aware what the WJC tournament is about, the WJC tournament is upcoming within the next week, taking place between 8 teams from the world stage to see which nation or nations are the greatest players from that particular amount of time (Typically 6 weeks between tournaments) and as I'm sure we're all excited to experience the sights and sounds from the tournament in the coming week, we must first wait patiently, and make some sweet sweet cash money.

To start my second edition of this series I'm calling the WJC Team Analysis (Very original and fresh, no one take this, thanks) We will be looking at another team, this will be my second analysis in under 24 hours so it may be a little sloppy. 

Without further dudes, let's take a look at the second team up for my scrutiny, which is 100% fair and not in any way fabricated.

TEAM USA, come on down, you've been chosen as the next contestant's on the price is wrong!! Going off the listed order from the team roster pages, we will start and end with these players in this order, now let's get into it.



Lord Raiden (@Jumbobone19)

Starting off with the forwards, we have Lord Raiden, Or Jumbobone19 if you're into that sort of thing. We obviously know lord raiden can shoot lightning from his hands, his eyes are lightning, he's basically lightning. Does he die at some point in the series? I think so, like gandalf or something and he comes back stronger. Or that could be totally wrong. I definitely know Lord Raiden has a Jumbo Bone (Ladies ) and he definitely knows how to work that stick on the ice. Just don't make him too angry, like I said before, Lightning.


Number Ranking: 8


Luffy Richard (@Moreorless89)

The second forward we will be look at is Luffy Richard, Also going by Moreorless89. I'd wager his name is based off the guy from one piece, Something Something Luffy, He wants to be pirate king or something. All I know is if you're a fan of this show I probably just offended you if I butchered that, and I'm more or less sorry about it. This guy will plunder yer booty and look great doing it, with a straw hat, or I think there's a dude with long arms or something. All I know is I could spend a whole day watching that show and probably be done 0.10% of it at the end.


Number Ranking: 7


Ryan Rieley (@Brandon)

This is just a straight up great hockey name, Ryan Rieley will surely make a good splash in this tournament and probably loves his mom more than his wife. As I'm nearly 100% unsure of, he's quoted as saying he loves jesus, hoops, hockey and mai tais on his lakehouse dock. All around standup guy, and we're excited to see how he does in the tournament, have a great time!


Number Ranking: 7


Hubert Andrews (@hughesab)

Hubert Andrews, this name makes me think of that movie Adam Sandler just made, Hubie Halloween. Did anyone really watch that? I watched like ten minutes of it and I had to turn it off, it was just terrible, but that blonde chick from Modern Family was on there, and she's pretty hot so I was kinda into it not gonna lie. Oh, right, Hubert Andrews, he's a great guy, and you should not be turned off from him after ten minutes, he's one to keep a close eye on for this tournament, and I definitely look forward to his performance!


Number Ranking: 11 Minutes.


Sammy Blaze (@hockeyfan)

Woooo boy, Sammy Blaze, this is my favourite for MVP on team USA, this is THE guy to hang with after games, after workouts, after everything really, 'cause he lets you get super baked, cookies if that's your thing, or weed if not. he's fast on the ice and sloooowwww when he chills, and that's a good thing. spark it up and pass to the left when you hang with this guy or you'll be fast out of his close circle.


Number Ranking: 420


Young Logo (@Loganjj21)

This kids fresh, Young logo, or Young pogo if you're fly like he is. This kids got all the filling of a hotdog plus the extra flavour of a corn dog, and he's worth every moment of ice time he gets. Just when you think you're just eating a regular corn dog? Boom, he's a foot-long corn dog. On top of that he has a foot-long corndog, which he uses on the ice during warmups and practice to make his regular stick feel super light during games, making him fast and full of flavour. Definitely another player I'm excited to see and can't wait. good luck in the WJC tournament!


Number Ranking: on a stick.


Xavier Doom (@JKortesi81)

I don't have much to say about this player, Except this is the only thing I thought of when I saw the name Xavier Doom, Maybe just the doom part, and I'm sorry for that.
hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up spork* my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!!
lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!)
i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!!
shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!

DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again ^_^ hehe…toodles!!!!!

love and waffles,
t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m


Number Ranking: d00m


Zdenko Beranek (@ztevans)

Zdenko Beranek, this sounds like an american born of russian ancestry, Definitely someone to be scared of on the ice and off, he sounds like a mean mother russia, possibly even a sleeper agent. Eight, Six, Seven, Five, Three, Zero, Nine. Did that awaken anything in you? let's hope it didn't, if it did, your target is [Name Redacted] And no not the player, this is supposed to be like, only you could see it when you read it. good luck in your mission, for mother russia comrade!


Number Ranking: Vodka


Grape Fruit (@canes2112)

Delicious, Grape Fruit, yum yum. I haven't had it much, But I've had blood oranges, and I've heard they're similar so this name makes me happy. Freshly squeezed fruit juice is absolutely delicious and worth the effort to make, hell even grow it yourself if you have the land and time! obviously that isn't for us apartment dwelling folk, but I've heard rumours that canes2112 can do just that, he's rich like a Grape Fruit, just make sure you don't have any of this guy when you take your medications, he can cause an overdose or underdose. YIKES. Best of luck in the tournament!


Number Rating: Fresh Squeezed Grape Fruit Juice. (Hold the meds)


James Hagan (@CampinKiller)

A former teammate of mine, Campinkiller is like rambo, except not like him in the sense that he just hides in a corner and waits for someone to show up, like his name suggests. James Hagan is much like him in that regard, as he likes to pick a spot on the ice and wait for his chance to strike, fast and swift before he hits twine and cellys like no one else, he's dangerous all over the ice and is expected to make a good showing during the tournament, best of luck buddy!


Number Rating: 8


Chad Danger (@Arayvenn)

Chad "Dad Dick" Danger, this is the guy that goes skydiving without a parachute and hopes his teammates catch him. This is the guy you want to be around always, but also never. He does insane stunts on a daily basis and has no regard for his own safety. Rumour has it he didn't even wear a helmet until a few seasons ago. He's gone ski'ing without any poles down a double black diamond (Not the cheese black diamond) and he's done bear wrestling 'cause he can, they usually tap out pretty fast since Chad "Dad Dick" danger doesn't play unless he knows he's going to win. We can only hope to be as cool as he is someday, but it's pretty unlikely.
I'd wish you good luck but you don't need that, you just need your dad dick, a stick, the rink and a puck. godspeed you magnificent bastard.


Number Ranking: 9"


Dwayne Gretzky (@3lewsers)

Dwayne Gretzky, the second best Gretzky to bless the hockey world, after Layne Gretzky, and before his brother, Heath Gretzky. Although his name is pronounced "DuuWayne" Gretzky, it's just spelled Dwayne to give it some character. Think of a southern boy trying to call out to his pigs or cows or something, you know that
"Soooooeeeyy" sound? yeah, think of them having that accent. I think it's pretty cool, imagine this guy being a pig farmer, or just a farmer in general, those farm boys really know how to play hockey, they're just built different, stronger and tougher than most other hockey boys. Point being, this guy will do some great things during this tournament, bar none, bar down.


Number Ranking: Sooooeeeyy




On Defense.




Pojo Biscuit (@.bojo)

Let's rebrand for a minute, 'cause I have no idea what a Pojo Biscuit is, lets make you something fresh, exciting, something the kids will love. Pogo Biscuit. Yes, a biscuit shaped like a pogo stick, all the kids are riding them these days, they go down to their skate parks and upload on the youtubes all about pogos, hell even system of a down did a song about pogo sticks, although I think that was about his .. member. Even still, the kids love it. Pogo sticks, not his member. Anyways with this rebranding I believe Pogo Biscuit will be using his pogostick to get around the ice, rather than use skates. this will allow him to make great plays since he can now jump over anyone on the ice, imagine going bardown on the goalie while you're bar up? nutty, this guys gonna make things happen and change the way the game is played, good luck Pogo Biscuit.


Number Ranking: Boing



Colin Lambert (@rum_ham)

A current, and former teammate, Rum_Ham is fluent in .. you guessed it, Bird law. He's on the record as saying "I am untethered and my rage knows no bounds" he could not be reached for clarification as to what this could possibly mean, but it seems pretty obvious, you dumb bitch. He is a golden god, and no, this is not a starter vehicle, this vehicle is a finisher. Other than every other Always Sunny reference I could throw in here, The nightman has cometh to take over.

Dayman (ah-ah-ah)
Fighter of the Nightman (ah-ah-ah)
Champion of the Sun (ah-ah-ah)
You're a Master of Karate
And friendship
For Everyone.

And that is Colin Lambert, the master of karate, and friendship.
for everyone.


Number Ranking: Golden God.


Johnny Shuffleboard (@mee)

Johnny "Cool hands" Shuffleboard has always made an impact on me, from the moment I met him during that barbecue in that warm atlanta georgia summer during the '72 olympics while we fought the viet'cong I knew we would win, not only peoples hearts, but their minds. he was real smooth, he shuffled better than any boarder I'd ever seen, his ways around a cue-stick were magical, he'd always wanted to compete for the Platinum Cue-stick, and he was determined to win that prize, now to become a professional shuffleboard player is way different than playing hockey, you know. for one, they come from all ages, all walks of life, it's not an expensive game, why I remember one time Johnny "Cool Hands" Shuffleboard told the most expensive part was travel to all the rich parts of town, boy he made me laugh. Now he went and competed 3 times in that there shuffleboard tournament, two times he came mighty close, but that third time, it seemed fated, at the ripe age of 9, he competed, and hold onto your hats here, 'cause as he sat in the crowd on that faithful day, waiting to be crowned the winner, he watched them name third place, then second place, then finally first place, and as he stood up, before the founder of the league said his name, he stood up and held his head high, because at that moment, he knew. that was his Cue.

I almost feel bad for that pun.

Now Johnny "Cool Hands" Shuffleboard uses a shuffleboard cue to play every game, and boy does he do it fine.


Number Ranking: Platinum Cue.


Elwulf Jericson (@Jericson)

Beowulf Jericson as I call him, he's quite a badass, he fights a couple badass monsters from Hrothgar, well they're not from Hrothgar, He comes to Hrothgars aid and saves them from these monsters. and by hrothgar I mean their mead hall, 'cause why wouldn't he save their mead hall? he's a man who loves his mead. Like all good men should, I believe he will stand tall during this champion of juniors and show them just how much mead he could drink and still play better than all these filthy monsters, I mean, other players.


Number Ranking: Grendel Slayer.



Between two ferns, I mean pipes:


Tyler Ward (@Hordle)

So, this fucking guy, he decides, hey, I'm not just going to be amazing at ripping riffs on the guitar, banging out sick beats on the drums, singing like a god damn angel, no. I'm going to join the SHL / SMJHL, and do all those things and being successful at them as well as tearing it up on the rink, 'cause why the fuck not. I thought there was some real chads in this league, hell there even IS a few chads, but this guys just melting women everywhere, effortlessly. I can't believe we have to try and compete with this guy, honestly, fuck you. (Kidding, it's a meme I love you.)


Rating: It wasn't a meme I hate you.



And with that we close off my analysis of the season 56 WJC Tournament team USA.

I apologize, I definitely skipped some players and if I'm being honest, I did have some ideas for you, If you care? let me know, I'd gladly write something super obvious or made up, for no reason.

As for final rankings, and seeing as I've used so many meme rankings, I'm going to give TEAM USA a rating number of :







9



I hope all three of you that may have read this have enjoyed, I appreciate the opportunity to make huge bucks from this double media, and I'll see you all in the next one.































(x2 WJC Media, 3147 Words)