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Massive Coiler · 07-05-2022, 12:37 AM

With the SHL draft finished, all of my focus can go into this S66 SMJHL draft. My last post got some decent attention, and while I appreciate the interest people have, I must remind them that these rankings are NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION. They are final. I don’t make the rules, I just think them up and write them down.

And now, (though there may be some late entries after this post is made) here are my rankings of the available prospects based on the most important characteristic of all: Their name.

This should be primarily used by GMs who want to make sure their simmed games get the highest amount of chuckles while they see who is doing what.

Consensus Number 1 Pick

No surprise here, if you’ve taken even one second to look at the names. The undisputed best name available in this draft is:

Left Defense - Rod Cocker

Come on now. You can’t argue this. The only names that come close came from the same player who brought us Dickie Pecker and Cal Clucker. Rod Cocker is the final form. The biggest rooster on the farm. Possibly the funniest of the three, and could potentially be with this context, the best name of all time. Austin doesn’t miss (on names).

Lottery Picks

You might be thinking that by losing the draft lottery and missing out on the best name of the draft that you’re completely, hopelessly screwed. Not the case. This is a high end draft in terms of good names. Here are some very fine consolation prizes that should help you if you really wanted some Rod to fill your team.

Left Wing - Carl Ray Jetson

Great name. Fantastic one. Combining two things that are equally loved by the younger generation, this name is gonna shine for, what I hope to be, a very long time. I hope that they will be able to stand the test of time, again, like their namesakes.

Right Defense - Goony Toons

The only knock against this name is that it should be spelled “Gooney”. But even being docked serious points for that, it still stands a head above the rest, which is an impressive feat with this many names to choose from. If you’ve seen the build, you know exactly why the name was chosen. And if you haven’t seen the build, your first guess is correct. Love a name that tells you what you’re getting.

Center - Awcrap Ihavethepuck

This is a name I want to see with the puck in the livestreams. Just pure panic. Every possession is hell for this player and taking time off their lifespan (which is already being shortened by playing hockey at a professional level, what with all the CTE and all). Strong name, you just know you’re gonna be getting pucks dished to you.

First Round Talents

Doing a top 10 and then a first round talent section seems silly for a 14 team league, so I’m just going to do the next 10 players here that I would personally choose to have first round quality names.

Center - Manny Pizza

Center - Velociraptor Greg

Left Defense - Cob Corning

Left Wing - Jacques Hammer

Center - Meta Knight

Left Wing - Gaston LeGume

Left Wing - Dusty Rhodes

Right Defense - Antonio Flusso

Left Wing - Pawter Meowski

Left Wing - Diablo Rose

Manny Pizza and Velociraptor Greg are two very high quality names that just barely miss out on being lottery picks in my mind. They could easily both steal spots in the top 4 picks though. I mean, the guy’s name is Velociraptor Greg. What a potential get for a team that wasn’t even in the draft lottery.

We’ve got some decent reference names such as Meta Knight, Gaston LeGume and Dusty Rhodes. All of which are safe picks in terms of seeing a quality name that makes you go “I know them!” whenever they sail one high and wide in the sim engine.

Cob Corning, funny as hell. Pawter Meowski is in a similar category and level. Two decent comparables, so it makes sense that they end up in the same tier.

Jacques Hammer fits is funny and a good looking name, just barely missing out on the A tier. If there were a B+ tier, that’s where it’d be. But there isn’t, so he’s not.

Antonio Flusso (homer pick, I know) fits two criteria though. 1: It’s cool and nice to look at, and 2: It’s funny because it’s Tony Flow in Italian. Which also hits the hidden 3rd criteria: It didn’t take a lot of time to come up with. Not gonna win any awards but an easy choice to be a top name of this class.

Diablo Rose might be the single coolest name of the class. Not particularly funny so it loses SOME points there, but overall a great name.

Potential Steals

These names may have missed out on my first round tier, but they could go higher, and maybe even should. Some pretty good names still to choose from.

Left Wing - Trap Zelenock

Left Defense - Neal Newland

Left Wing - Jacques Hammer

Left Wing - Pepega Paquette

Goalie - August Von Hecht

Any of these names would provide some much needed flair to a lackluster roster, or be part of a decent supporting cast of an already strong group of names.

There are many good names in this class, and I feel like some of them could move up a tier, but again, this is not up for discussion, I have no power here. Anyway, here’s the tier list in case you’re wondering where you ended up:

S Tier:
Left Defense - Rod Cocker

A Tier:
Left Wing - Carl Ray Jetson
Right Defense - Goony Toons
Center - Awcrap Ihavethepuck
Center - Manny Pizza
Center - Velociraptor Greg

B Tier:
Left Defense - Cob Corning
Right Defense - Hodor
Left Wing - Diablo Rose
Left Wing - Pepega Paquette
Left Wing - Pawter Meowski
Center - Meta Knight
Goalie - August Von Hecht
Right Defense - Antonio Flusso
Center - Baby Shark
Center - Bohdan Jarovsky
Left Wing - Jacques Hammer
Left Wing - Trap Zelenock
Left Defense - Neal Newland
Left Wing - Gaston LeGume
Left Wing - Dusty Rhodes
Left Wing - Tang Tsujimoto
Left Wing - Bruno Tooyo

C Tier:
Right Defense - Isaac Forty-One
Left Wing - Foxy
Right Wing - Alexi Piastri
Left Wing - Bobby McGinnis
Left Defense - Tero-Petteri Päälykäinen
Right Defense - D Jobin
Right Wing - Axel Kirby
Right Wing - Tim Coke
Right Wing - Andrew Rudaa
Goalie - Lachlan Moon
Left Defense - Johan Nørgaard
Goalie - Malachi Booth
Right Wing - Hendrix Cobberson
Goalie - Gray Rosey
Left Defense - Eliz Troia
Right Defense - Nevek Kove
Center - Jack St. Clair
Left Wing - Petr Sokolov
Right Wing - Max Hoshi
Right Defense - Rasmus Bergling
Right Defense - Shea O'Connall
Goalie - Adam Prpich

D Tier:
Center - Paul Peterson
Center - Tyler Helman
Left Wing - Andrew Willis
Right Wing - KyIe Murray
Left Defense - Jon Bell
Left Defense - Brendan Laroux
Center - Theodor Larsson
Right Wing - Liam Noel
Left Defense - Louis Perreault
Right Wing - Tam Kove

Word Count: 1146

Yagoyi · 07-05-2022, 01:36 AM

hqm moment

Andy · 07-05-2022, 02:23 AM

I'll take a B tier name

Legend · 07-05-2022, 11:11 AM

Carl Ray Jetson for a sleeper pick. Easy S Tier disguised as a A tier name.

vbottas17 · 07-05-2022, 01:07 PM

C leepin tier Smile

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