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Spritestuff · 12-30-2023, 01:57 PM

The Keigan Play.

This skill play has so far yet to fail, which is why the league is doing everything it can to make the move illegal. Based purely on its succesess and no other reason. I've brought it up before but here I will go into detail.

The move starts with a screen- at the first look, it might seem simple, like anyone could do it. This is wrong. To get past the first part of this set play, the player must possess a tremendous ass, one powerfull enough to show off its lovely shape even through protective hockey pants. Few people possess such an ass, and will find themselves incapable with distracting the goalie with their plump cheeks.
But if all it took was a dumper like two moons crashing into eachother then you could hardly call this a skill play- which the Keigan Play unmistakably is. This is where the next part in the play starts.
While screening the goalie, you must edge as close as you can to the paint, BUT DO NOT CROSS THE LINE. THIS IS PARAMOUNT.

Start with a slow, sensual wiggle. At first, like you're almost not moving at all. When you feel the ice start to melt under the goalie, this is when you start the booty bachata. Get that ass as close as you can to the goalies glove, but don't touch! That's interference. You cannot iniate contact with the tender.

When the goalie finally steps out of the paint to check if there is any braille stamped on your cheeks, that's when you bend forward as low as you can go. This is where the few left over with the equiptment to participate in this skill play end up failing, as it requires a lot of balance and ankle strength to stick the bussy as high as the play requires and only the strongest can keep on their feet.

Now that the Goaltender has his hands firmly placed on your cornhole, push into him. The goaltender has initiated contact with you outside of his designated area and therefore no Goaltender interference penalty can be called. Its very important that you remain in physical contact with the tendy at all times now, if you break contact and retouch the goalie, you may be called for goalie interference even while outside the paint.

Paitently wait for your teams leading scorer to gain possesion of the puck, when he does, lean over your shoulder and bite your lip. If timed right, the goaltender is out of position, completely distracted, and a little bricked up. They have nether the attention, mobility or willpower to make a save, and even a child would be able to score on them.

The Keigan Play has revolutionised Hockey and is surely going to change the way people think about the sport for many generations to come. We've already found that younger and younger players can pull off fancy high skill level moves like The Michigan or Spinoramas in SHL games, once something inspiring has become popular, it will eventually become regular.

I for one, hope to be alive the see the day where every young man in the SHL can pull off a perfect Keigan Play in a regulation, or even playoff game. But alas, it will be a long time before everyone has the strength, balance, and most importantly, bussy to be able to pull the Keigan Play off succesfully.

*kahri* · 12-30-2023, 02:10 PM

this is the most Samjo written thing that I have ever read in my entire life.
If you need to know what it’s like talking to Samjo, this is it

(also what the heck..where’s the part where it was dedicated to me)

ec06aaj · 12-30-2023, 02:54 PM

instructions unclear, could not find the bussy stat on the portal

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