The off season is now starting. The crows top prospects are ditching behind the swept crows for their SHL team. It was the best decision they have made in years they said! "Peace out scrubs" damby was yelling. : do not let the brooms bite ya youll get a disease called drafted by st louis" yes very scrubby indeed. Let us have this exclusive... well actually not really exclusive he kind of just stormed in here wanting to get money because he is poor at he moment. But yea he is here none the less so let us get started!

How did you become poor?

Wert: well you see I went to a equipment shop that the west kendall platoon suggested and I bought all the best equipment. It costed 8.5 million dollars. And 2.6 million to magically throw it in the bank somehow and then retrieve it back into my skills. I was dead trash before but now this 8.5 million dollar equipment has these secret ingrideints that make me better at shooting and such. But the problem is I am now dead poor and talking to you because you know I habe been kicked out of the west kendall platoon interview shows because aI was hammered each time and said some offensive things on live kendall platoon television. So now I am here in st louis talking to you buggers again.

the sweep how does it feel.
Wert: It feels great! Ouch! That sarcasm made my throat get instant tonsilitis. Honestly I had a great time in st louis I got to experience what it felt like carrting a team on my back. It got really tiring and I could not do it through the playoffs. So I threw the games and only scored one goal because I felt like it and I was bored with these noobs in st louis. I still had a great time I just decided it was time for a new adventure outside of the broom. Nownitnis time to go ham in the SHL and win a cup? Yes that is right I willmfloat to the cup m8 watch me! Just kidding we will see I have never stepped foot into a game setting in the SHL I might be horse shite though. So do not count on my words. Just like I tryed to predict out come back in our series against montreal. It was a horse shite prediction.

Are you excited to move out of st louis?

Wert: yes it smells like sewage here. Then I get these awkward stalkers and all they do is knock on my door at 3 in the morning asking for signatures and free merchandise. Like what the heck is that? Do they know what privacy is lr nk do I have ro throw a dictionary at he retna stems until the word lrovacy is tuck in their vision forever. And even when I give them merchandise or signatures they sell ot on SMJHLbay and get more than 200k for it. Now another thing. When they get mad and we lose a game at the arena they threw scare crows on the ice. It took so long to clean the ice that we had to just forefeit the game. Yes our fans forced us to lose games during the season. Itmis why we did not win the presidents cup!

let us compare and take a look at your 2 seasons in the junior and see how much of a failure you were.

Wert: you are so rude you know that? I will get myself bamned from live television if I have to. I will sock ya one right in the eye stem! Ha just kidding I do not need to do that it will just happend when you get home and you fall down the stairs because you are unaware of the new order of bricks I ordered for youu. I scattered them all over your house. Good luck mate.

shit up so we can look at your crappy career!


Wert is a promising left wing sniper. He has had his ups and downs in both the playoffs and regualar season. Let us compare his season 23 to his s24 in the SMJHL.

S23: Season 23 Wert was on the first line with bryce collins and dambach. Wert was not fitting well with these two players. In his first 10 games with the crows he only managed to score 1 goal which came in his first game of the SMJHL. Yes goalies had more points then wert in his first ten games. Sad is it not? He eventually improved scoring 7 more goals ending the season with 8 goals 15 assists for 23 points. His crows ended up in last place overall and that is something he did not want to happen coming into the playoffs.

S23 Post Season: Wert saw a line change in the post season. He stayed on the first line but saw jagr jump up onto the right wing. This line jad great sucess in the playoffs. The journey started against the montreal impact. The cows were up 3 - 2 hoping to end it in game 6. That did not happen so it was off to game 7. At this point Wert was tearing it up in the playoffs had 8 point already heading into game 7. The crows won game 7 and scored a goal in the process ending up with 2 goals and 7 assists in the playoffs. The crows then went off to face off against the falcons. We took them to game 6 but we puld not hold on and lost thenseries 4 - 2. Overall Werts peformance was outstanding and he ended up 2nd in points during post the season. That was a very promising peformance and the crows hoped Werts sucess would carry into season 24.

S24: Wert started off the first 10 games in the season tied for first in points. He eventually slowed down but ended up in the top 5 in points at the end of 52 games. With 28 goals 26 assists and 54 points. He helped his team almost capture the presidents cup but the falcons beat them by one point. Wert was very confident heasing into the playoffs against the montreal impact beating them the previous season and sucking they felt they could sweep the montreal impact.

S24 Post season: Wert I guess was overly confident. He ended up only getting 1 goal and 1 assist and ended up being swept. Literally impossible because their record in the regualr season against montreal was 8 wins and 2 losses. Wert knowing was really pissed after that. He instantly called up a flight to West Kendall and flew there. In a season where he thought he could go all the way with his team. Frustrated he pretty much said bye st louis I am never coming back to the juniors.

Overall: Season 23 Wert had a sub par regular season. However season 23s post season was far better sp you could argue with Werts season 24 as the two literally swapped. S24 saw a good regular season but terrible post season. In the end you could argue whoch of Werts seasons were better but that is up in the air. RIPPERONI WERTS JUNIOR CAREER!


how was that?-

Wert: did you really have to add thay ending? Ripperoni what the hell is ripperoni?
Making up words like that can land you in prison you know?

I am kicking you off this show!

Wert: meh this show sucked anyways.

Will he get revenge? Stay tuned never because this is a money making article written for my entertine,tn and maybe yours. Until next time CROWS GOT GLITTER STUCK ON MY FOREHEAD!


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