(Word count is around 3300 with effort and research and stuff? So yeah, this is again meant as tongue-in-cheek parody of the UrinatingTree sports videos and not to be taken _entirely_ seriously, although no doubt it'll rustle some jimmies regardless. I'm adding a semi-real perspective to this as well, pretending that stuff like the Jets fanbase being pretentious is a thing that would happen if it were real. If you disagree with the contents of this article, tell me why I'm wrong as meanly as possible in the replies below! Or use it as motivation to prove me wrong. Either one works.)

---

The skates are being sharpened. The Zambonis are being pulled out of service. The screams of terror from front offices ring throughout the skies. Another season of SHL hockey is soon to be upon us. After an intriguing offseason with some big-time moves being made in advance of next year's generational draft, it seems we'll have a big-time shift in league hierarchy. Or will we? Lets break down the 16 teams involved in this fight to the death for the greatest prize in all of sports.

---------------------------------------------

Calgary Dragons -  

Calgary's cybernetic management optics completed a rebuild in record time and look poised to resurrect the dynasty days of the franchise sooner rather than later. The forward depth has only been improving since the loss to West Kendall in the surprise Cup finals run, and in fact its so good that future star Esa Parmborg has been exiled to Halifax for a 4th season because theres no spot for him. The defense lacks the true first-pairing guy to really complement Driftwood, but Keneration-X should fulfill that role soon enough. Kata Vilde is still a god, and the team is a well-coached, well-oiled machine that could make some noise in the postseason........ as long as the Black Plague doesn't consume them whole again.

---

Edmonton Blizzard -  

Edmonton finds themselves at a crossroads after becoming property of Calgary yet again in the postseason. The core is aging a bit, the defense looked short on depth, and the backup goaltender is still a hot mess. Edmonton's solution? Duplicate New Orleans strategy of forming bullshit trades that enable you to contend and rebuild somehow while contending. Edmonton proceeded to make roughly 47 picks in the Entry Draft, snagged a boatload of talent that has real star potential, and then picked up some short-term rental pieces in TJ Bayley and Supernova to create an excellent forward core. The blueline's getting better with the addition of JVM, and is still anchored by a true star pairing in Brady McIntyre and Tor Tuck. The key for this team is to run Malwarebytes on TommyTuck.exe and purge him of all errors and defects. Tommy boy had a rough year last year, and it probably contributed to Edmonton falling behind the divisional race and being subjected to the bullshit of Wild Card games. If Tuck can stand on his head, the Blizzard might be able to win a suddenly tough Northwest and contend for the Conference title. Just try to get that deed to your franchise back from the Big Parm offices.

---

Minnesota Chiefs -  

Wow. Fucking wow. Normally people would continue to be unnecessarily mean to your team with pages long rants, but luckily the dog-and-pony shows of several other organizations are taking a little of the heat off of you. You lost Supernova as expected (although at least you got a return for him via sign-and-trade), and the other veteran pieces are aging badly and not suiting the degenerate gamble that is the organization's push for contendership strategy. McZehrl was given all the fucking money with a nice extension, but he will NOT be worth the 3 1sts that you paid for him unless you win something. Sebastien Primeau is going to be overworked to the max to try and get something out of this team, as his former heir apparent Casimir Stevens is likely hitting the waiver wire instead. Some players on other teams are rumoured to be wanting NTCs in their contract specifically excluding Minny, and several Chiefs are likely fucking off via free agency if Minny finishes in the lotto positions again. Sure you got Artemi Berezin, but who are he and Watson gonna play with? Are we supposed to assume this team makes the playoffs based on Tampa Bay meme magic technology? It could be possible if Primeau stands on his head, but I'm doubtful that you have what it takes to make that happen in this division. I actually do hope Minny makes it out of the darkness, but barring puck luck....... yeah you'll be stuck in it for a few years. At least you have a better Cup legacy than San Francisco to look back on.........

---

Winnipeg Jets -  

Last season unleashed the hellspawn that is the insufferable Jets fanbase back upon the hockey world after a brief hibernation period. Winnipeg resurrected the glory days through a regular season that saw them contending for the President's Trophy for most of the year. Jason Visser turned back the clock 8 years and formed the dynamic duo of the league with the breakout second generation star Lil' Manius, and Cedric Moreau played like an absolute God between the pipes on some nights. Unfortunately a few key elements to last year's memorable run are missing this year. Crossfit Jesus rode off into the sunset as expected, and the team lost out on signing Supernova as his replacement. The domino effect on the team's forward core as a result means that Nick Brain's up to Line 2 and old-ass Corey Bearss has to come in and play 3rd line minutes for the club, breaking up one of the better 3rd lines in all of hockey. Cedric Moreau got lowballed by the team in contract negotiations and decided to head to Europe, leaving Vivian Leblanc a 3rd chance to actually win the goddamn starter job this time. The defense was supposed to get some reinforcement for the aging veteran pieces in Max Poulin and Max Weber, but Jax Duggan decided to take a front-loaded offer sheet instead and walked as an RFA. While the 1st round pick is great, its not the extra oomph that Winnipeg needs on the ice right now to reach previous levels, barring a trade mid-season. The key to the team this year will be if Michael Scarn, Nick Brain, and Ola Wagstrom can become stars today instead of tomorrow. Honestly though, the Jets are well setup and don't NEED to succeed this year or else like some other teams in the league. Just don't tell that to the angry mob of Jets fans if the team struggles early.......

---

Los Angeles Panthers -  



THE GLORIOUS TANK ROLLS ON IN LOS ANGELES!!!!!!! ENJOY DEADLINE SELLING, A GOALIE CAROUSEL, AND A WASTED SEASON OF JON TONER!!!!!

---

New Orleans Specters -  

Beware peasants. The Black Plague is coming back for us all. The deadly top 6 forward core of the New Orleans Specters has few equals across the league, and few people know the innoculation using traditional methods, such as using talent instead of forbidden magic that turns mortals into gods temporarily. Piotr Czerawski and Nicholas Williams continue to blossom into star players to help ease the transition from aging veterans, and the depth is improving too with the stud youngsters in Jimmy Slothface and Michael Fox. The big story for New Orleans this season is the blueline though. The team went out and made the big spend of draft capital in the offseason with a blockbuster trade for Bob Bergen. Now the Specters have a league-standard blueline corps! We are deep in the shit aren't we. If everyone performs as expected and Aleister Cain decides not to be an inconsistent enigma, New Orleans is still going to be THE team to beat in the West. The pressure is on to make it happen this year though, as time is running out on some members of the current core......

---

San Francisco Pride -  

The Pride's push back to relevance is showing some encouraging progress. The Season 43 draftees that form the bulk of their forward core are slowly blossoming together into an elite unit, they have veteranosity backing it up in Joseph Lombardi, and some youthful enthusiasm from the likes of Knute Knurtsson and Nathan Explosion. The defense is as solid as ever, and Chris Partridge is surely due for a bounce-back year, even though San Fran still made the playoffs without him playing particularly well last season. Pushing hard this year might not be in the cards though, as this roster is too awkward to move star forwards into without trading something that could be significantly valuable later on. The Pride probably want to hit their Cup window before Odegard and SHOWSTOPPER JACK retire, but a degree of patience is also needed to develop their relatively young core. There might be another fall at the first hurdle in the postseason this year but keep pushing fellas, you may break this long-ass Cup jinx yet.

---

Texas Renegades -  

Eh, not much to say here. Unfortunately Texas's tendency to grossly underachieve relative to their actual ability in recent years is still a thing, and the team may now be selling off more pieces after last years Louie Garrett trade. The team could still hypothetically contend, but if things go south and Walter Hobbs forgets how to stop pucks yet again, I wouldn't be surprised to see players like The Dude, Liam O'Callaghan, or Iam Essellemm shipped out to make way for younger talent. At least you had a pretty good draft haul this season?

---

Buffalo Stampede -  

So the kings of the hockey world are Buffalol. Now theres a sentence older SHL fans thought they'd never hear. While the regular season was a bit of a struggle thanks to the chaotic structure of the Eastern Conference, the team stepped up big-time in the playoffs and made it back to the Finals, managing to beat out Winnipeg thanks to a good performance from Cedric Robinson and his best friends, the goalposts. Buffalo's management knew that this offseason was not the time to rest on their laurels though, and went to work HARD trying to maintain the dynasty this year. First job: sell off a couple useful veteran pieces to make way for their next generational talent in Monkey D. Luffy to get the callup. Next up, sign a slightly more stable backup goaltender in Lee Marshall. Finally, while they did miss out on the Supernova sweepstakes, they got a prize that was probably even better: Poopity Scoop, the ridiculously monikered Manhattan defenseman, made the big step and signed with Buffalo.......... for 10 million in the first year holy shit. The Stampede also averted a heart attack by retaining their other young generational talent in Cassius Darrow to a............ very good team-friendly contract. So yeah, we are all fucked. Buffalo has a Top 6 forward core almost as good as New Orleans, and a defense that might be better than San Fran's. Literally the only thing that will hold this team back is Cedric Robinson inconsistency. 15 teams are praying fervently to the Gods that Robinson flames out this year, but I think we have all been forsaken. Prepare for the end times.

---

Chicago Syndicate -  

Chicago continues to be a team that exists in the flotsam of the Eastern Conference. After seeing a few of their draft picks underdevelop and Luke Atmey announce his pending retirement, management has decided to make a bit of a push for a second playoff appearance, with Buffalo doing a sign and trade to give them Kevin Hamilton as part of a decent-looking Line 1. The forward depth is actually not bad now, with the Smebs and Jack Kennedy starting to come into their own, but the blueline is shoddy and they have a two rookie goalie tandem in Tibuk Soonika and Billy Sorokin that might struggle at first. The East is so top-heavy that Chicago's actually a candidate to make it into the playoffs, but they'll need some serious puck luck to get past the big dogs. Hopefully Atmey signs off on his career on a....... not-terrible note? Also, Chicago better move into a bigger arena soon, otherwise they won't have a barn large enough to contain Cameron Carter's ego.

---

Hamilton Steelhawks -

So Hamilton's last attempt at a playoff run fizzled out, and now some key pieces of the roster ride off into the retirement home. Hamilton now finds themselves at a crossroads. On one hand, the team should really start taking apart the random veteran depth they have and start rebuilding. On the other hand, the East is so inconsistent-looking that Hamilton could still make the playoffs even in this state. Robert Phelps, Tig Murphy, and Geezus Kryst still offer enough star power to carry Hamilton over the line and into the bullshit that is the Wild Card games. What probably isn't going to happen though is Hamilton pushing via trades to replace what they lost, as they made a rare RFA offer sheet to Jets prospect Jax Duggan. The offer sheet was too front-loaded for Winnipeg to match, and Duggan accepted it. 15 million for the first year sounds ludicrous, but then Hamilton probably wouldn't have anything better to do with that money anyways, so the bigger concern is if Duggan becomes better than the pick given away for him. Hamilton should sell at the deadline, but are probably too loyal to Robert Phelps to trade him off so..... yeah, welcome to a place even worse than the basement: Limbo.

---

Toronto North Stars -  

The Harry Carpet era begins in Toronto under new management! Unfortunately, the start of this era does not look good. Most of the team is being gutted due to the realization that making the playoffs and being a borderline team is rendering the franchise stagnant, and now the team has tons of dead cap and dead weight on the roster as the total rebuild commences. Poor Mikhail Lokitonov. Poor Harry Carpet. Also, the media saga that is Troy Reynolds seems to have ended with his unceremonious release from the club. Shame, really, I liked following along that storyline. At any rate, props to management for embracing the tank, but the crazy part of my brain is telling me that Toronto is so moribund as a franchise that they'll figure out a way to screw up the tank and make the playoffs somehow. Because fuck logic.

---

Manhattan Rage -  

So yeah, last year was kinda rough wasn't it. The team had their life force absorbed into Tampa Bay to power them up instead for a President's Trophy run, Crawfling had a horrendous year, and you lost a plum first round pick to San Fran as they chose to take it instead of a generational pick next year. Well, clearly it was an aberration, and the Rage have got some younger pieces developing nicely into elite talent. Like that Poopity Scoop guy, right? He's on the last year of his contract deal, but this is the SHL, I'm sure Scoop will resign to ensure the future of the Manhattan blueli-

*glass breaks*



Oh......... oh dear......... Yeah, might be time to start panicking. You still have decent pieces to move with, but you've got some beasts in your conference too. I don't know what the hell you guys can do at this point, other than hold course and hope for the best? Also have fun trying to get a return for Crawfling once Peter Larson develops.

---

New England Wolfpack -  

New England tried hard, but the self-imposed confines of their tank proved too strong to break free from last year and they missed the playoffs. The team made a big trade near the deadline for Anders Christiansen, and he'll be a vital part of New England's plans going forward. The East is fairly open right now, and if New England gets the right breaks, they may be able to head back into the post-season. Christiansen and Manuel Gotze give the team actual stars up front, and Tigole Bitties with Ensio Kalju form a great top pairing. The big worry though is the slightly lacking and inexperienced depth, combined with the occasional gas can tendencies of Johannes Leitner. If Leitner gets lit up, so do your playoff chances. Good luck.

---

Tampa Bay Barracuda -  

Tampa Bay: The meme team, or the dream team? Lets be real, last year it was the meme team. Half the roster overachieved and Benjamin Blue put in an MVP caliber season by using necromancy to absorb the souls of a thousand legendary goaltenders. Flacko Lagerfield is still a star and Kristaps Ball is still a pretty intriguing piece for any team, but can the rest of this roster do it again? Well.......... probably not? I mean, stranger things have happened, like Tampa Bay last season, but there are two factors in play here. The first is that Benjamin Blue has had down years before, and if he does so again, the team will collapse alongside him like a house of cards. The second factor is that adding in the talented youths from the Season 47 draft class haul may upset the balance required to maintain the team's dark magic powers. Replacing the pylons of Michael Owens and Joseph Gagnier with superior talent on defense for example? That may have unintended fatal side effects to team chemistry, who the hell knows. No doubt management are thinking everythings going according to plan and that another playoff berth is in the cards and yadda yadda yadda. Lets be real though, nothing that happens over the next few years matters nearly as much as the continued development of guys like Olivier Cloutier, Gunnar Soderberg, Kaspars Claude, and the half dozen other promising prospects they have in the pipeline. We'll revisit this case later.

---

West Kendall Platoon -

West Kendall gave it another run, but the attempts at adding the cherry on top of their extended period of greatness fell short as the Stampede ran them over in the Conference Finals last season. Now West Kendall is left with some core pieces that are aging badly and very little left in the pipeline left to replace them..... except for the blueline corps which is still pretty deep. West Kendall is probably still good enough to win their division, but I question whether or not the Platoon has the horsepower to get past both Buffalo and the Western representative. If the team gets off to a slow start I could see players like Sophia Bennett getting shipped out to start the teardown as well, so it'll be interesting to see what happens. By the way, any word on if the rescue mission to find Schroder and Kirkby's talent was successful? I still don't know where they even disappeared to last season.........

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So for the season's standings, how do I think things will go this year?

EPIC JINXING PREDICTION TIME!!!!!!!!

I see the West going down with Edmonton and New Orleans as division champions, Calgary finishing 3rd, and Winnipeg and San Francisco rematching in the bullshit that is the Wild Card games. The East is more complicated though. Division crowns should be going to Buffalo and........ West Kendall I guess, but 2 thru 8 could go a lot of different ways. I'll go out on a limb and say Manhattan 3rd, with New England facing.......... fuck it, Hamilton in the Wild Card. Chicago, Tampa Bay, and even Toronto could somehow steal that spot though. Regardless, it'll end the same, with Buffalo winning the East and then winning the Challenge Cup Finals over New Orleans from the West. Buffalo will continue their dynasty by destroying every team, salting the earth they stand on, and grinding our bones to make flour for their bread. God help us all.

Former Agent of Nick Brain: Center/Right Winger -   

░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▃
. ▂▄▅█████████▅▄▃▂
[███E█M█B█R█A█C█E███].
..◥⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙◤..

Credit to Copenhagen, Wasty, FlappyGiraffe, InciteHysteria, and caltroit_red_flames
  



Mikhail Lokitonov | RW | TOR/LAP/AUT | TPE: Retired Peak: 2018
Name: Mikhail Lokitonov
Age: 26
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 170
Number: 10
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions
S38 Picked 15th overall by the Prince George Firebirds
S38 Signed $3.0m contract with PGF
S39 Picked 6th overall by the Toronto North Stars
S39 Signed 3-year $7m contract with TOR
S40 Traded to KEL (Only for Nour's sake)
S41 Signed 3-year $9m contract extension with TOR
S44 Signed 3-year $9m contract extension with TOR
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Stats:
S38 PGF | 50 GP | 10 G | 16 A | 26 P | 7 PPP | 12.50 SHT% | +4
S39 PGF | 50 GP | 22 G | 35  A | 57 P | 14 PPP | 11.89 SHT% | +36
S40 KEL | 50 GP |  15 G | 21 A | 35 P | 11 PPP | 11.11 SHT% | +4
Total | 150 GP | 47 G | 72 A | 119 P | +44
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Playoff Stats:
S38 PGF | 14 GP | 0 G | 1 A | 1 P | -2
S39 PGF | 12 GP | 2 G | 4 A | 6 P | -1
S40 KEL | 10 GP | 6 G |  7 A | 13 P | +2
Total | 36 GP | 8 G |  12 A | 20 P | -1
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
S41 TOR | 50 GP |  12 G | 11 A | 23 P | 4 PPP | 13.04%  SHT% | -9
S42 TOR | 50 GP |  22 G | 21 A | 43 P | 11 PPP | 12.22%  SHT% | -1
S43 TOR | 50 GP |  12 G | 22 A | 34 P | 6 PPP | 5.83%  SHT% | 2
S44 TOR | 50 GP |  16 G | 23 A | 39 P | 6 PPP | 8.04%  SHT% | 10
S45 TOR | 50 GP |  20 G | 26 A | 46 P | 14 PPP | 9.48%  SHT% | -5
S46 TOR | 50 GP |  14 G | 30 A | 46 P | 14 PPP | 7.37%  SHT% | 0
S47 TOR | 50 GP |  21 G | 40 A | 61 P | 10 PPP | 10.14%  SHT% | 1
S48 TOR | 50 GP |  21 G | 33 A | 54 P | 10 PPP | 11.93%  SHT% | 19
Total | 400GP | 138 G | 206 A | 344 P | 1473 SHT | 9.37% SHT% | 17
--------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Stats
S44 TOR | 7 GP |  1 G | 3 A | 4 P | 0 PPP | 4.00%  SHT% | 1
S45 TOR | 5 GP |  0 G | 2 A | 2 P | 0 PPP | 0.00%  SHT% | 1
Total | 12 GP | 1 G | 5 A | 6 P | 31 SHT| 3.23% SHT% | 2
--------------------------------------------------------------
IIHF Career Stats:
S39 | 11 GP | 1 G | 0 A | 1 P | 25.00% | -2
S40 | 13 GP | 1 G | 0 A | 1 P | 25.00% | -1
S41 | 10 GP | 1 G | 5 A | 6 P | 4.35% | 1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Career Achievements:
S38 Finished 2nd in S38 SMJHL Rookie Scoring (26P)
S38 Finished 1st (Tied) in S38 SMJHL Rookie Goal Scoring (10 G)
S38 FOUR STAR CUP CHAMP
S38 Esa Anrikkanen Award Winner (Rookie of The Year)
S38 Elias Armia Trophy Winner (The "Storm Likes Me Best" Award)
S39 Ron Bolt Trophy Winner (Best Sportsmanship)
S40 Four Star Cup
S42 Aiden Richan Trophy Winner (Breakout Star)
S43 100 Career Points
S43 IIHF Bronze Medal
S45 IIHF Bronze Medal
S46 200 Career Points
S47 100 Career Goals
S47 IIHF Bronze Medal


Axel Meszaros | D | STL/TOR | TPE: 901
Name: Axel Meszaros
Age: 21
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 198
Number: 2
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions
Drafted 8th overall to the St. Louis Scarecrows
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Stats:
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Playoff Stats:
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Stats
------------------------------------------------------------
Career Achievements:


Robert Lokitonov | Head GM | Toronto North Stars
Name: Robert Lokitonov
Age: 48
Height: 5’11”
Weight: 200 lbs
------------------------------------------------------------
Season Record
ANC S40 9 W | 36 L | 5 OTL | 23 Points | Finished 8th | Missed Playoffs
ANC S41 23 W | 25 L | 2 OTL | 48 Points | Finished 7th| Missed Playoffs
ANC S42 23 W | 22 L | 5 OTL | 51 Points | Finished 4th | Lost in Semis to KEL
ANC S43 19 W | 29 L | 2 OTL | 40 Points | Finished 8th | Missed Playoffs
TOR S44 33 W | 15 L | 2 OTL | 68 Points | Finished 1st East (2nd Overall) | Eliminated 1st Round in 7
TOR S45 24 W | 22 L | 4 OTL | 52 Points | Finished 4th East (8th Overall) | Eliminated 1st Round in 4
TOR S46 29 W | 18 L | 3 OTL | 61 Points | Finished 3rd East (3rd Overall) | Eliminated 1st Round in 7
TOR S47 28 W | 20 L | 2 OTL | 58 Points | Finished 3rd East (6th Overall) | Eliminated 1st Round in 6
------------------------------------------------------------
Career Acomplishments
S39 Named Co-GM of PGF
S42 Named Head GM of PGF
S42 Team moved to Anchorage
S44 Named Toronto Co-GM

Someone redo the music video for Muse - Knights of Cydonia but where the bad guy is literally just a Buffalo.

D | S62 | Merlin Metzler | Newfoundland | 199 TPE

|  SMJHL Career |

  SMJHL Regular Seasons
| S61 | (GP 00) (G 00) (A 00) (P 00) (+-0) (SHT 000) (SB 00) (P/20 0.00) |

| Movement and Contracts |

| S61 | Signed with Newfoundland Bezerkers, UFA


D | S31 | Alexis Metzler | Buffalo | Detroit | USA | 2,002 TPE [R]

Captain of the Buffalo Stampede, S38-S52
Alternate Captain of the Buffalo Stampede, S34-S37
Alternate Captain of the United States of America, S38-S46
1st Ballot Hall Of Fame, S54 Class

| SHL Career |

  SHL Regular Seasons
| S32 | (GP 50) (G 09) (A 22) (P 31) ( -08) (SHT 077) (SB 073) (P/20 0.56) |
| S33 | (GP 50) (G 03) (A 21) (P 24) ( -02) (SHT 086) (SB 063) (P/20 0.41) |
| S34 | (GP 50) (G 03) (A 21) (P 24) ( -13) (SHT 077) (SB 072) (P/20 0.40) |
| S35 | (GP 50) (G 11) (A 26) (P 37) ( -05) (SHT 086) (SB 071) (P/20 0.62) |
| S36 | (GP 50) (G 09) (A 17) (P 26) ( -14) (SHT 078) (SB 096) (P/20 0.40) |
| S37 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 31) (P 41) ( -20) (SHT 079) (SB 067) (P/20 0.62) |
| S38 | (GP 50) (G 11) (A 31) (P 42) ( -12) (SHT 120) (SB 080) (P/20 0.69) |
| S39 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 38) (P 48) (+01) (SHT 107) (SB 083) (P/20 0.80) |
| S40 | (GP 50) (G 08) (A 24) (P 32) ( -13) (SHT 098) (SB 066) (P/20 0.54) |
| S41 | (GP 50) (G 11) (A 30) (P 41) ( -10) (SHT 093) (SB 078) (P/20 0.67) |
| S42 | (GP 50) (G 12) (A 40) (P 52) (+16) (SHT 095) (SB 068) (P/20 0.85) |
| S43 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 34) (P 44) (+01) (SHT 093) (SB 081) (P/20 0.74) |
| S44 | (GP 50) (G 09) (A 37) (P 46) (+00) (SHT 092) (SB 070) (P/20 0.76) |
| S45 | (GP 50) (G 04) (A 32) (P 36) (+03) (SHT 088) (SB 076) (P/20 0.61) |
| S46 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 25) (P 35) (+13) (SHT 101) (SB 077) (P/20 0.58) |
| S47 | (GP 50) (G 11) (A 28) (P 39) (+15) (SHT 087) (SB 076) (P/20 0.65) |
| S48 | (GP 50) (G 05) (A 26) (P 31) (+06) (SHT 088) (SB 101) (P/20 0.52) |
| S49 | (GP 50) (G 03) (A 25) (P 28) (+03) (SHT 060) (SB 060) (P/20 0.47) |
| S50 | (GP 50) (G 03) (A 18) (P 21) (+02) (SHT 045) (SB 056) (P/20 0.40) |
| S51 | (GP 50) (G 01) (A 10) (P 11) (+07) (SHT 026) (SB 066) (P/20 0.28) |
| S52 | (GP 50) (G 01) (A 07) (P 08) (+07) (SHT 033) (SB 049) (P/20 0.23) |

  SHL Playoffs
| S32 | (DNQ) |
| S33 | (GP 05) (G 00) (A 04) (P 04) (+02) (SHT 012) (SB 010) (P/20 0.64) |
| S34 | (DNQ) |
| S35 | (GP 04) (G 00) (A 01) (P 01) (+00) (SHT 014) (SB 005) (P/20 0.21) |
| S36 | (GP 07) (G 02) (A 04) (P 06) (+02) (SHT 016) (SB 011) (P/20 0.57) |
| S37 | (GP 07) (G 00) (A 03) (P 03) (+00) (SHT 007) (SB 018) (P/20 0.31) |
| S38 | (DNQ) |
| S39 | (DNQ) |
| S40 | (DNQ) |
| S41 | (GP 07) (G 02) (A 04) (P 06) ( -04) (SHT 014) (SB 009) (P/20 0.72) |
| S42 | (GP 07) (G 01) (A 03) (P 04) ( -06) (SHT 009) (SB 009) (P/20 0.64) |
| S43 | (GP 09) (G 02) (A 05) (P 07) ( -06) (SHT 018) (SB 014) (P/20 0.62) |
| S44 | (DNQ) |
| S45 | (DNQ) |
| S46 | (GP 17) (G 04) (A 09) (P 13) (+05) (SHT 033) (SB 020) (P/20 0.64) |
| S47 | (GP 13) (G 01) (A 05) (P 06) (+00) (SHT 018) (SB 013) (P/20 0.38) |
| S48 | (GP 22) (G 04) (A 16) (P 20) (+05) (SHT 033) (SB 022) (P/20 0.76) |
| S49 | (GP 05) (G 00) (A 00) (P 00) ( -06) (SHT 010) (SB 009) (P/20 0.00) |
| S50 | (GP 06) (G 00) (A 03) (P 03) ( -01) (SHT 007) (SB 007) (P/20 0.48) |
| S51 | (GP 08) (G 00) (A 00) (P 00) (+00) (SHT 003) (SB 006) (P/20 0.00) |
| S52 | (GP 15) (G 00) (A 00) (P 00) (+01) (SHT 015) (SB 010) (P/20 0.00) |

|  SMJHL Career |

  SMJHL Regular Seasons
| S30 | (GP 50) (G 05) (A 28) (P 32) (+13) (SHT 059) (SB 53) (P/20 0.64) |
| S31 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 22) (P 32) ( -12) (SHT 101) (SB 74) (P/20 0.59) |

  SMJHL Playoffs
| S30 | (GP 05) (G 01) (A 02) (P 03) (+02) (SHT 010) (SB 05) (P/20 0.49) |
| S31 | (GP 13) (G 06) (A 10) (P 16) (+04) (SHT 030) (SB 16) (P/20 1.01) |

| Awards |

  Awards Won
| S34 | IIHF Gold Medal (United States of America)
| S37 | IIHF Top Defenseman
| S39 | Scott Stevens Trophy (Best Defenseman)
| S39 | SHL 1st All Stars Team
| S40 | IIHF Gold Medal (United States of America)
| S42 | Scott Stevens Trophy (Best Defenseman)
| S42 | SHL 1st All Stars Team
| S43 | SHL 3rd All Stars Team
| S44 | SHL 1st All Stars Team
| S46 | Challenge Cup Champions (Buffalo Stampede)

  Awards Nominated
| S31 | Brodie Witzel Nominee (SMJHL Playoff MVP)
| S35 | Damien Littleton Nominee (SHL Most Dedicated Player)
| S39 | Damien Littleton Nominee (SHL Most Dedicated Player)
| S41 | Damien Littleton Nominee (SHL Most Dedicated Player)
| S43 | Scott Stevens Trophy (Best Defenseman)
| S44 | Scott Stevens Trophy (Best Defenseman)

| Movement and Contracts |

| S30 | Drafted to Detroit Falcons, 15th OA
| S31 | Drafted to Portland Admirals, 13th OA
| S31 | Signed Contract, 3x $3,000,000 S31-S33 with Portland Admirals
| S31 | Traded to Buffalo Stampede for a handful of magic beans
| S33 | Signed Contract, 3x $6,000,000 S34-S36 with Buffalo Stampede
| S36 | Signed Contract, 2x $6,000,000 S37-S38 with Buffalo Stampede
| S38 | Signed Contract, 2x $7,000,000 S39-S40, plus,
| S38 | 5x $6,000,000 S41-S45 with Buffalo Stampede
| S45 | Signed Contract, 2x $5,000,000 S46-S47 with Buffalo Stampede
| S47 | Signed Contract, 1x $5,000,000 S48 with Buffalo Stampede
| S48 | Signed Contract, 2x $4,000,000 S49-S50 with Buffalo Stampede
| S50 | Signed Contract, 1x $4,000,000 S51-S52 with Buffalo Stampede

HEAD OFFICE ARE A BUNCH OF NERDS

my guy
someone is finally returning the glorious hater's guides to the shl
thank you so much

Dieter Frühstück || D || Anchorage Armada || 779 TPE
Birthplace: Rostock, Germany
Height/Weight: 6'9", 275 lbs
SMJHL Stats
S78 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 2 A: 24 PTS: 26 +/-: 11 H: 80 PIMS: 16 SB: 253
S79 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 0 A: 16 PTS: 16 +/-: -1 H: 49 PIMS: 28 SB: 224
S80 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 8 A: 23 PTS: 31 +/-: 38  H: 81 PIMS: 20 SB: 287
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S78 || ANC || GP: 4 G: 0 A: 1 PTS: 1 +/-: -2 H: 8 PIMS: 0 SB: 18
S79 || ANC || GP: 16 G: 0 A: 7 PTS: 7 +/-: 13 H: 12 PIMS: 6 SB: 50
S80 || ANC || GP: 16 G: 1 A: 4 PTS: 5 +/-: 6 H: 15 PIMS: 0 SB: 78
Player Milestones/Transactions
Drafted 14th overall by Anchorage, S78 SMJHL Draft
Drafted 31st overall by Minnesota, S79 SHL Draft
Winner of the Alexis Metzler Award, S78
led SMJHL in blocked shots, S80



Sebastien Regazzoni || C || Hamilton Steelhawks || 1276 TPE
Birthplace: Bern, Switzerland
Height/Weight: 6'3", 200 lbs
SHL Stats
S71 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 17 A: 25 PTS: 42 PIMS: 32 +/-: -23 H: 75
S72 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 28 A: 31 PTS: 59 PIMS: 55 +/-: 7 H: 89
S73 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 24 A: 33 PTS: 57 PIMS: 34 +/-: -2 H: 81
S74 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 12 A: 37 PTS: 49 PIMS: 43 +/-: -8 H: 83
S75 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 11 A: 51 PTS: 62 PIMS: 39 +/-: 22 H: 66 
S76 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 33 A: 60 PTS: 93 PIMS: 37 +/-: -18 H: 87
S77 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 32 A: 32 PTS: 64 PIMS: 38 +/-: -34 H: 76
S78 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 14 A: 32 PTS: 46 PIMS: 20 +/-: -1 H: 57
Total SHL Stats
GP: 528 G: 171 A: 201 PTS: 472 PIMS: 298 +/-: -57 H: 614
SHL Playoff Stats
S71 || HAM || GP: 5 G: 2 A: 1 PTS: 3 +/-: -5 PIM: 2 H: 5
S72 || HAM || GP: 5 G: 1 A: 0 PTS: 0 +/-: -5 PIM: 0 H: 7
S73 || HAM || GP: 12 G: 4 A: 7 PTS: 11 +/-: 2 PIM: 10 H: 10
S74 || HAM || GP: 7 G: 2 A: 3 PTS: 5 +/-: -3 PIM: 0 H: 14
S75 || HAM || GP: 14 G: 3 A: 10 PTS: 13 +/-: -0 PIM: 2 H: 17
S76 || HAM || GP: 19 G: 6 A: 15 PTS: 21 +/-: -1 PIM: 4 H: 29
S77 || HAM || GP: 5 G: 1 A: 5 PTS: 6 +/-: -2 PIM: 0 H: 3
Total SHL Playoff Stats
GP: 67 G: 19 A: 41 PTS: 60 +/-: -14 PIM: 18 H: 85
SMJHL Stats
S67 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 25 A: 21 PTS: 46 +/-: -5 PIM: 6 H: 107
S68 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 20 A: 41 PTS: 61 +/-: 5 PIM: 30 H: 138
S69 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 20 A: 33 PTS: 53 +/-: -3 PIM: 18 H: 142
S70 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 12 A: 23 PTS: 35 +/-: -54 PIM: 28 H: 78
Career SMJHL Regular Season Stats
GP: 264 G: 77 A: 118 PTS: 195 +/-: -57 PIM: 82 H: 465
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S67 || ANC || GP: 5 G: 4 A: 1 PTS: 5 +/-: -2 PIM: 0 H: 11
S68 || ANC || GP: 10 G: 4 A: 3 PTS: 7 +/-: 7 PIM: 4 H: 24
Career Milestones
Drafted 20th overall by Anchorage, S67 SMJHL Draft
Drafted 4th overall by Hamilton, S68 SHL Draft
Voted Anchorage Armada captain, S69



Mitchell van der Heijden || C || Philadelphia Forge || 925 TPE
Birthplace: Alkmaar, Netherlands
Height/Weight: 6'2", 205 lbs
SHL Stats
S54 | NOLA | GP: 50 G: 8 A: 10 PTS: 18 PIMS: 16 +/-: 0 H: 24
S55 | NEW | GP: 50 G: 15 A: 19 PTS: 34 PIMS: 14 +/-: 2 H: 70
S56 | NEW | GP: 50 G: 16 A: 11 PTS: 27 PIMS: 26 +/-: -17 H: 65
S57 | NEW | GP: 66 G: 20 A: 28 PTS: 48 PIMS: 10 +/-: -37 H: 62
S58 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 22 A: 38 PTS: 60 PIMS: 22 +/-: 25 H: 92
S59 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 21 A: 37 PTS: 58 PIMS: 29 +/-: 37 H: 101
S60 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 49 A: 50 PTS: 99 PIMS: 6 +/-: 14 H: 97
S61 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 30 A: 57 PTS: 87 PIMS: 10 +/-: 49 H: 122
S62 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 48 A: 38 PTS: 86 PIMS: 8 +/-: 32 H: 105
S63 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 30 A: 51 PTS: 81 PIMS: 18 +/-: 47 H: 103
S64 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 30 A: 43 PTS: 73 PIMS: 8 +/-: 9 H: 103
S65 | PHI | GP: 66 G: 13 A: 37 PTS: 50 PIMS: 20 +/-: 25 H: 134
S66 | PHI | GP: 66 G: 15 A: 24 PTS: 39 PIMS: 30 +/-: -19 H: 116
S67 | PHI | GP: 66 G: 8 A: 27 PTS: 35 PIMS: 20 +/-: 4 H: 140
Career Regular Season Stats
GP: 876 G: 325 A: 470 PTS: 795 PIMS: 237 +/-: 172 H: 1338
SHL Playoff Stats
S54 | NOLA | GP: 17 G: 7 A: 5 PTS: 12 PIMS: 4 +/-: 1
S56 | NEW | GP: 6 G: 0 A: 3 PTS: 3 PIMS: 4 +/-: -4
S57 | NEW | GP: 5 G: 1 A: 0 PTS: 1 PIMS: 2 +/-: 0
S58 | HAM | GP: 19 G: 3 A: 7 PTS: 10 PIMS: 2 +/-: 2
S59 | HAM | GP: 11 G: 2 A: 5 PTS: 7 PIMS: 0 +/-: 4
S60 | HAM | GP: 10 G: 2 A: 3 PTS: 5
S61 | HAM | GP: 19 G: 9 A: 16 PTS: 25
S62 | HAM | GP: 14 G: 7 A: 12 PTS: 19
S63 | HAM | GP: 25 G: 10 A: 12 PTS: 22
S64 | HAM | GP: 17 G: 7 A: 17 PTS: 24
S65 | PHI | GP: 7 G: 4 A: 5 PTS: 9
S66 | PHI | G: 7 G: 1 A: 2 PTS: 3
S67 | PHI | GP: 7 G: 0 A: 4 PTS: 4
Total SHL Playoff Stats
GP: 172 G: 55 A: 93 PTS: 148
SMJHL Stats
S50 | ANC | GP: 50 G: 14 A: 14 PTS: 28 PIMS: 6 +/-: -1 H: 21
S51 | ANC | GP: 50 G: 20 A: 27 PTS: 47 PIMS: 17 -/+: 11 H: 15
S52 | ANC | GP: 50 G: 25 A: 28 PTS: 53 PIMS: 29 +/-: 7 H: 62
S53 | ANC | GP: 50 G: 26 A: 26 PTS: 52 PIMS: 24 +/-: 12 H: 109
Total SMJHL Reg. Season Stats
GP: 200 G: 85 A: 95 PTS: 180 PIMS: 79 +/-: 29 H: 207
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S50 | ANC | GP: 11 G: 1 A: 4 PTS: 5 PIMS: 0 +/-: -6
S51 | ANC | GP: 12 G: 5 A: 7 PTS: 12 PIMS: 2 +/-: 7
S52 | ANC | GP: 6 G: 2 A: 2 PTS: 4 PIMS: 0 +/-: 1
S53 | ANC | GP: 7 G: 0 A: 3 PTS: 3 PIMS: 0 +/-: -1
Total SMJHL Playoff Stats
GP: 41 G: 8 A: 16 PTS: 24 PIMS: 2 +/-: 1
Accolades
Won S51 4 Star Cup with Anchorage
Won Silver Medal with Switzerland, S51 IIHF
named best forward, S51 WJC
named to second team all SMJHL, S52
named Anchorage alternate captain, S51/S52
named Anchorage captain, S53
named first team all SMJHL, S53
won Ideen Fallah Award (SMJHL Awards Committee MVP), S53
named SMJHL All-Star, S51-S53
won S54 Challenge Cup with New Orleans
scored Challenge Cup-winning goal, S54
named New England alternate captain, S55
#15 retired by the Anchorage Armada
Challenge Cup winner with Hamilton, S58/S61/S63
SHL All-Star, S60-S63
Karpovtsov and McDonald winner, S60
Sarmad Khan winner, S60
Ron Mexico winner, S60
led SHL in goals and points, S60
First Team All-SHL, S60
Gold medal winner with Switzerland, S65
Member of the Triple Gold Club
SHL Hall of Famer
Draft Things
drafted 11th by Anchorage in S50 SMJHL Draft
drafted 13th overall by New Orleans in S51 SHL Draft



Joseph Lombardi || RW || Anchorage Armada co-GM || 969 TPE
Name: Joseph Lombardi
Position: Right Wing
Birthplace: Voorhees, NJ, USA (transferred to Ireland)
Height: very short (5'3")
Weight: 145 lbs
SHL Regular Season Stats
S38 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 13 A: 9 PTS: 22 PIMS: 6 +/-: -10
S39 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 12 A: 8 PTS: 20 PIMS: 8 +/-: -10
S40 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 14 A: 15 PTS: 29 PIMS: 7 +/-: 9
S41 | MIN | GP: 50 G: 7 A: 6 PTS: 13 PIMS: 0 +/-: -3
S42 | MIN/SEA | GP: 47 G: 14 A: 20 PTS: 34 PIMS: 6 +/-: 4
S43 | SEA | GP: 50 G: 20 A: 26 PTS: 46 PIMS: 8 +/-: 5
S44 | SEA | GP: 50 G: 18 A: 17 PTS: 35 PIMS: 18 +/-: -16
S45 | SEA/TOR | GP: 50 G: 20 A: 20 PTS: 40 PIMS: 0 +/-: 1
S46 | TOR | GP: 50 G: 25 A: 23 PTS: 48 PIMS: 0 +/-: 0
S47 | EDM | GP: 50 G: 17 A: 23 PTS: 40 PIMS: 10 +/-: 26
S48 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 21 A: 17 PTS: 38 PIMS: 10 +/-: 5
S49 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 6 A: 20 PTS: 26 +/-: -8 PIMS: 13
S50 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 15 A: 11 PTS: 26 PIMS: 10 +/-: 15
Career Stats
GP: 647 G: 202 A: 215 PTS: 417 PIMS: 96 +/-: 14
SHL Playoff Stats
S38 | SFP | GP: 5 G: 1 A: 1 PTS: 2 PIMS: 6 +/-: -3
S39-S40 | SFP | Missed playoffs
S41 | MIN | GP: 6 G: 1 A: 2 PTS: 3 PIMS: 0 +/-: 0
S42 | SEA | missed playoffs
S43 | SEA | GP: 6 G: 0 A: 6 PTS: 6 PIMS: 0 +/-: 1
S44 | SEA | missed playoffs
S45 | TOR | GP: 5 G: 2 A: 2 PTS: 4 PIMS: 0 +/-: 1
S46 | TOR | GP: 7 G: 2 A: 7 PTS: 9 PIMS: 0 +/-: -1
S47 | EDM | GP: 6 G: 1 A: 1 PTS: 2 PIMS: 0 +/-: -3
S48 | SFP | GP: 6 G: 0 A: 0 PTS: 0 PIMS: 0 +/-: -4
S49 | SFP | missed playoffs
S50 | SFP | GP: 4 G: 0 A: 0 PTS: 0 PIMS: 0 +/-: 0
Career Playoff Stats 
all you need to know is that I was shit
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S35 | STL |  GP: 50 G: 1 A: 0 PTS: 1 PIMS: 2 +/-: -1
S36 | STL | GP: 50 G: 10 A: 7 PTS: 17 PIMS: 4 +/-: 0
S37 | STL | GP: 44 G: 16 A: 15 PTS: 31 PIMS: 8 +/-: -4
Total Stats: GP: 144 G: 27 A: 22 PTS: 49 PIMS: 14 +/-: -5
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S35 | STL | GP: 7 G: 1 A: 0 PTS: 1 +/-: 1
S36 | STL | GP: 6 G: 2 A: 2 PTS: 4 +/-: -1
S37 | STL | GP: 13 G: 4 A: 10 PTS: 14 +/-: -3
Total Stats: GP: 26 G: 7 A: 12 PTS: 19 +/-: -3
Things I've Done
Selected 40th overall in S35 SMJHL Draft by STL
Selected 30th overall in S36 SHL Entry Draft by POR
Won some team awards with the Crows, but no cup
won Presidents Trophy with San Francisco in S38
won a silver medal with Ireland (S38)
won two bronze medals with Ireland (S39, S41)
won a shit ton of golds with Ireland (S42-47)
was traded by San Francisco to Minnesota before S41
Traded to Seattle by Minnesota before S42 Trade Deadline
traded to Toronto by Seattle before S45 trade deadline
signed a one year, $6 million contract with Edmonton
signed a one year, $4.5 million contract with San Fransisco
named Pride alternate captain for S48
won president's trophy with SFP (s50)
wrote haters guides where I shat on every team

I'm not inconsistent you're inconsistent

Aleister Cain - S42-S57
HOF GOALIE- CLASS OF S60- SECOND BALLOT
S54 CHALLENGE CUP
S54 RAZOV

Ville Kurri - S57-S70
BEST SMJHL DEFENSIVE FORWARD S60
That's pretty much it

|  |

Hey we’ve got a new head coach this year! Ignore the fact that he’s got a losing record in the J, he’s going to be the best coach ever!

Alex Winters||RW||Manhattan Rage||Czechoslovakia #90||COL and STL Alumnus||1755 TPE Peak
Age: 67
Birthplace: Pardubice, Czech Republic
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 225
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S42 | COL | GP: 50 | G: 12 | A: 9 | PTS: 21 | +/-: +2 | PIMS: 8 | Hits: 19 | SOG: 71
S43 | COL | GP: 50 | G: 20 | A: 27 | PTS: 47 | +/-: -6 | PIMS: 18 | Hits: 60 | SOG: 151
S44 | COL/STL | GP: 50 | G: 11 | A: 24 | PTS: 35 | +/-: +2 | PIMS: 22 | Hits: 66 | SOG: 125
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S42 | COL | GP: 4 | G: 0 | A: 1 | PTS: 1 | +/-: -1 | PIMS: 5 | Hits: 1 | SOG: 12
S43 | COL | GP: 7 | G: 0 | A: 3 | PTS: 3 | +/-: -2 | PIMS: 2 | Hits: 9 | SOG: 10
S44 | STL | GP: 11 | G: 2 | A: 9 | PTS: 11 | +/-: +6 | PIMS: 4 | Hits: 12 | SOG: 31
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
S45 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 18 | A: 24 | PTS: 42 | +/-: +8 | PIMS: 11 | Hits: 28 | SOG: 125
S46 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 19 | A: 21 | PTS: 40 | +/-: -4 | PIMS: 20 | Hits: 63 | SOG: 119
S47 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 11 | A: 16 | PTS: 27 | +/-: -23 | PIMS: 39 | Hits: 64 | SOG: 131
S48 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 20 | A: 21 | PTS: 41 | +/-: -14 | PIMS: 6 | Hits: 42 | SOG: 151
S49 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 22 | A: 28 | PTS: 50 | +/-: +12 | PIMS: 32 | Hits: 84 | SOG: 177
S50 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 13 | A: 26 | PTS: 39 | +/-: +15 | PIMS: 15 | Hits: 29 | SOG: 191
S51 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 15 | A: 29 | PTS: 44 | +/-: +9 | PIMS: 4 | Hits: 47 | SOG: 214
S52 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 19 | A: 35 | PTS: 54 | +/-: +15 | PIMS: 12 | Hits: 35 | SOG: 174
S53 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 14 | A: 24 | PTS: 38 | +/-: +12 | PIMS: 10 | Hits: 31 | SOG: 153
S54 | MAN | GP: 50 | G: 18 | A: 13 | PTS: 31 | +/-: +9 | PIMS: 20 | Hits: 44 | SOG: 123
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Stats
S45 | MAN | DNQ
S46 | MAN | GP: 12 | G: 2 | A: 4 | PTS: 6 | +/-: -12 | PIMS: 6 | Hits: 13 | SOG: 32
S47 | MAN | GP: 5 | G: 2 | A: 3 | PTS: 5 | +/-: -1 | PIMS: 0 | Hits: 4 | SOG: 17
S48 | MAN | DNQ
S49 | MAN | GP: 11 | G: 4 | A: 3 | PTS: 7 | +/-: -3 | PIMS: 2 | Hits: 8 | SOG: 37
S50 | MAN | GP: 6 | G: 7 | A: 4 | PTS: 11 | +/-: +7 | PIMS: 0 | Hits: 10 | SOG: 31
S51 | MAN | GP: 12 | G: 6 | A: 9 | PTS: 15 | +/-: +1| PIMS: 2 | Hits: 5 | SOG: 49
S52 | MAN | GP: 19 | G: 8 | A: 11 | PTS: 19 | +/-: -1 | PIMS: 0 | Hits: 6 | SOG: 79
S53 | MAN | GP: 6 | G: 0 | A: 4 | PTS: 4 | +/-: -1 | PIMS: 2 | Hits: 6 | SOG: 16
S54 | MAN | GP: 4 | G: 0 | A: 1 | PTS: 1 | +/-: -3 | PIMS: 2 | Hits: 1 | SOG: 9
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions and History
S42: Selected 4th Round, 30th Overall by the Colorado Raptors
S42: Signed $3M Entry Level Contract with Colorado
S42: Scored first SMJHL Goal at 19:26 of the 2nd Period against Kelowna (5-4 L)
S43: Selected 1st Round, 11th Overall by the Manhattan Rage
S43: Finalist for the Ideen Fallah Trophy for League MVP
S44: Traded to the St. Louis Scarecrows
S44: Won Four Star Cup with STL
S44: Finalist for the Zach Miller Trophy for Most Dedicated Player
S44: Named Captain of Czech WJC Team
S44: WJC Gold Medal Czechoslovakia
S45: Scored first SHL Goal at 5:19 of the 1st Period against Minnesota (4-3 L)
S45: Scored first career hat trick in Game #155 against Hamilton (4-3 W)
S45: All-Rookie Team (unanimous selection)
S45: Ryan Jesster Trophy Winner for Rookie of the Year 
S49: Named Captain of Czech World Championship Team
S49: Bronze Medal, World Championship
S50: Became Second player in SHL History to Score Two Hat Tricks in a Single Playoff Series
S50: Named Captain of Czech World Championship Team  
S51: Named Captain of Czech World Championship Team
S51 Shits and Gibbles League Champion
S52: Won Challenge Cup with MAN
S52: Finalist for the Anton Razov Trophy for Playoff MVP
S52: First Team All-Star
S52: Named Captain of Czech World Championship Team
S53: Named Captain of the Czech World Championship Team
S53: Silver Medal, World Championships
S54: Named Captain of the Czech World Championship Team
S54: Bronze Medal, World Championships


Matej Winters||D||Baltimore Platoon||Czech Republic #53||826 TPE Peak
Birthplace: Hradec Králové, Czech Republic
Age: 42
Height: 6'6"
Weight: 208lbs
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S58 | ANA | GP: 50 | G: 2 | A: 8 | PTS: 10 | +/-: -28 | PIMS: 25 | Hits: 23 | SOG: 55
S59 | ANA | GP: 49 | G: 3 | A: 12 | PTS: 15 | +/-: +2 | PIMS: 8 | Hits: 28 | SOG: 51
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S58 | ANA | GP: 7 | G: 1 | A: 1 | PTS: 2 | +/-: 0 | PIMS: 0 | Hits: 2 | SOG: 8
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
S62 | NEW | GP: 66 | G: 6 | A: 14 | PTS: 20 | +/-: +4 | PIMS: 4 | Hits: 29 | SOG: 63
S63 | NEW | GP: 66 | G: 4 | A: 5 | PTS: 9 | +/-: -28 | PIMS: 12 | Hits: 21 | SOG: 62
S64 | NEW | GP: 63 | G: 2 | A: 15 | PTS: 17 | +/-: -50 | PIMS: 6 | Hits: 26 | SOG: 63
S65 | NEW | GP: 66 | G: 4 | A: 9 | PTS: 13 | +/-: -53 | PIMS: 16 | Hits: 24 | SOG: 80
S66 | BAP | GP: 66 | G: 3 | A: 25 | PTS: 28 | +/-: -31 | PIMS: 34 | Hits: 71 | SOG: 100
S67 | BAP | GP: 66 | G: 12 | A: 24 | PTS: 36 | +/-: -53 | PIMS: 40 | Hits: 98 | SOG: 147
S68 | BAP | GP: 66 | G: 7 | A: 21 | PTS: 28 | +/-: -35 | PIMS: 42 | Hits: 88 | SOG: 130
S69 | BAP | GP: 66 | G: 4 | A: 9 | PTS: 13 | +/-: -48 | PIMS: 24 | Hits: 59 | SOG: 78
Transactions and History
S58: Signed UDFA Contract with Anaheim Outlaws
S58: Selected 1st Round, 11th Overall by the New England Wolfpack


Dominik Winters||C||San Francisco Pride||Czechia #17||1855 TPE||
Age: 25
Birthplace: Pardubice, Czechia
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 205
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S70 | STL | GP: 66 | G: 11 | A: 33 | PTS: 44 | +/-: -42 | PIMS: 40 | Hits: 76 | SOG: 108
S71 | STL | GP: 66 | G: 20 | A: 37 | PTS: 57 | +/-: -6 | PIMS: 38 | Hits: 89 | SOG: 163
S72 | STL | GP: 66 | G: 41 | A: 50 | PTS: 91 | +/-: +13 | PIMS: 44 | Hits: 100 | SOG: 275
S73 | STL | GP: 66 | G: 24 | A: 47 | PTS: 71 | +/-: -9 | PIMS: 46 | Hits: 100 | SOG: 223
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S70: Did Not Qualify
S71 | STL | GP: 7 | G: 1 | A: 3 | PTS: 4 | +/-: +3 | PIMS: 0 | Hits: 21 | SOG: 21
S72 | STL | GP: 20 | G: 6 | A: 13 | PTS: 19 | +/-: -6 | PIMS: 13 | Hits: 27 | SOG: 55
S73 | STL | GP: 7 | G: 3 | A: 8 | PTS: 11 | +/-: -6 | PIMS: 2 | Hits: 4 | SOG: 23
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
S74 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 27 | A: 32 | PTS: 59 | +/-: +1 | PIMS: 33 | Hits: 66 | SOG: 214
S75 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 23 | A: 32 | PTS: 55 | +/-: +6 | PIMS: 26 | Hits: 42 | SOG: 133
S76 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 33 | A: 42 | PTS: 75 | +/-: +53 | PIMS: 44 | Hits: 56 | SOG: 224
S77 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 38 | A: 41 | PTS: 79 | +/-: +37 | PIMS: 36 | Hits: 62 | SOG: 210
S78 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 47 | A: 46 | PTS: 93 | +/-: +53 | PIMS: 42 | Hits: 64 | SOG: 230
SHL Playoff Stats
S74 | SFP | GP: 17 | G: 6 | A: 9 | PTS: 15 | +/-: -4 | PIMS: 8 | Hits: 10 | SOG: 36
S75 | SFP | GP: 4 | G: 2 | A: 0 | PTS: 2 | +/-: -2 | PIMS: 0 | Hits: 4 | SOG: 4
S76 | SFP | GP: 21 | G: 16 | A: 23 | PTS: 39 | +/-: +22 | PIMS: 0 | Hits: 18 | SOG: 71
S77 | SFP | GP: 18 | G: 7 | A: 11 | PTS: 18 | +/-: +1 | PIMS: 6 | Hits: 13 | SOG: 53
S78 | SFP | GP: 13 | G: 11 | A: 2 | PTS: 13 | +/-: +1 | PIMS: 10 | Hits: 13 | SOG: 50
Transactions and History
S70: Selected 1st Round, 3rd Overall by the St. Louis Scarecrows
S70: Named Alternate Captain of the St. Louis Scarecrows
S71: Selected 1st Round, 5th Overall by the San Francisco Pride
S72: Won 4-Star Cup over Maine
S72: Selected for S72 SMJHL All Star Game
S73: Selected for S73 SMJHL All Star Game
S73: Selected for S73 SMJHL All-Defense Team
S76: Won Challenge Cup over Baltimore
S76: Won Anton Razov Award for Playoff MVP

Alex Winters (retired)
Matej Winters (retired)
Dominik Winters
S45 Jesster Trophy Winner
Challenge Cup Winning Goal Club: S52

||

Someone redo the music video for Muse - Knights of Cydonia but where the bad guy is literally just a Buffalo.

Thanks for putting that song out there btw, listened to it last night and it was pretty good. Music video was trippy too, but nice.

Former Agent of Nick Brain: Center/Right Winger -   

UrinitatingTree is always a win.

[pbhfx]
Bane - Defense - Nevada Battleborn - 345 TPE
-----------------------------------------------------
Birthplace: London, UK
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 225 lbs
Number: 3
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SMJHL Regular Season Statistics:
S55:
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Transactions and Awards:
Drafted 54th overall by the Nevada Battleborn in the S55 SMJHL Draft

[/pbhfx]

Player Page || Update Page

"Buffalo will continue their dynasty by destroying every team, salting the earth they stand on, and grinding our bones to make flour for their bread. God help us all"

Player Page  || Update Page

-underdeveloped shoddy D right here.

Matsmith Soderberg-Tremblay || Left Wing/Center || #13 || Newfoundland Berserkers
S65 Rookie



Corey Kennedy (RETIRED) || Defense || #13 || Chicago Syndicate/Newfoundland Berserkers - Chicago Syndicate GM || S47 ||
Age: 21
Birthplace: Kinsale, County Cork, Ireland
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 205 lbs
__________________________________________________
SMJHL Career Statistics:
Anaheim Outlaws S46 (Rookie): GP: 50, G: 6, A: 10, P: 16, +/-: -3, PIM: 24, SHT: 60, PPP: 7
Anaheim Outlaws S47: GP: 50, G: 7, A: 15, P: 22, +/-: -6, PIM: 10, SHT: 58, PPP: 4
SMJHL Playoff Career Statistics:
Anaheim Outlaws S46: GP: 3, G: 2, A: 0, P: 2, +/-: -2, PIM: 0, SHT: 5, PPP: 1
Anaheim Outlaws S47: GP: 18, G: 7, A: 4, P: 11, +/-: -3, PIM: 10, SHT: 21, PPP: 3
__________________________________________________
Transactions & Accomplishments: 
S46: Drafted 2nd overall by the Anaheim Outlaws
S46 SMJHL All-Star
S47 Four Star Cup Champion
S47: Drafted 3rd overall by the Chicago Syndicate



Player Page Update Page

May want to input that HAM-TB trade if you can.

Sig Credit: Flappy (EVO) and Skolpaddor (RESO)

EMEKA VALENTINE-OKOLI/PLAYER

First SMJHL Goal: Colorado Raptors, Emeka Valentine-Okoli 1 (Mikelis Ozoliņš 4, Loki Odinsson 3) at 3:12, 2nd Period (GWG) / SMJHL S47 Game 47 Day 12: Colorado Raptors vs Detroit Falcons
First SHL Goal: Texas Renegades, Emeka Valentine-Okoli 1 (Josef Kubinec 5, Ricky Spanish 4) at 16:23, 2nd Period / SHL S51 Game 71 Day 16: Edmonton Blizzard vs Texas Renegades

Eternal , onwards we roll

And Let's Retire at the Pinnacle