Hi. My name is Joel Joelson. I'm the executive producer of SHL 32. That's right. 32. We made 32 of these. Why haven't you heard of the previous 31? Because they sucked. Because I wasn't executive producer.
In my game, you'll experience the career of a SHL player, starting from birth. You'll have to go to school, gain abilities and prove you can be a decent peewee player. After hours of boring gameplay and over the top cutscenes where your best friend turns out to be a huge douche, you may or may not be drafted by a SMJHL team. Because if you sucked during the first part of the game, why would anybody want to draft you? You thought Create a Pro was going to have a fun storyline? I hired Spike Lee so think again.
When it'll almost be time for the release of SHL 33, you might just get to that part of the game where you're drafted to a SHL team. If you play on the easy mode, you're almost certain to be drafted by Buffalo. Because even in my game, they're always last.
We also cut the multiplayer version of our game because people keep complaining that companies sacrifice quality single player for multiplayer. So we offer you neither.
Instead, SHL 32 introduces game modes nobody asked for because we just love to put in as much useless content as possible in hope that the back of the box this game comes in look busy and interesting. You don't like press conferences? Too. Fucking. Bad. because in this game, there's like 5 of them after every game. We had a player agency mode too but I cut that shit because there was a glitch where none of the GMs listened to the agents. We also have minigames, including Identify The Poney â„¢ featuring Jasper Clayton because we don't care if nobody likes poneys... or Jasper Clayton for that matter. This minigame is so boring, you'll feel like firing up your Virtua Boy or your Colecovision. It's basically matching very obvious shadows to the coloured renders of the poneys. When one of my lead designers came up with that idea, I felt like firing him but then he was like "People will wonder what this mode is and buy the game" and I was convinced at "buy". What does it have to do with hockey? Nothing. But your three year old daughter will have a blast. You're welcome.
You think this game looks shitty? We have exclusive rights to the league. Deal with it. We just want your money.
Joelson out.
sarmo Registered
S2, S5, S12, S39 Challenge Cup Champion and The MVP
Posts:4,201 Threads: 117 Joined: Nov 2011 Reputation:17
Pronouns: Undisclosed
Our developers are aware how important console hockey is for SHL fans so they are taking it one step further with SHL 32- Virtual Reality. Players in this new era of video games will experience the intense gameplay in first person and will be allowed to feel like they are actually on the ice, living their dream! The revolutionary step we have taken insures players experience the joy of live action hockey from the couch; having full player movement and vision capabilities which includes being able to look around and dangle with the puck as you please with a full peripheral vision that will allow users to be more aware.
We decided this was the best way to experience what it looks like to be amongst the greats. All new live action presentation and updated graphics, smarter AI with better decision-making than ever and an overhauled physics engine that will get you lost inside the VR headset, giving you a euphoric touch where players, coaches, fans, even the interviewers, general managers or your agent will get you feeling like you're truly in the warm and fuzzy atmosphere of the SHL. The days when analog sticks or a mouse and keyboard were the only way to play for a casual hockey fan are no more. Now look to your teammates, learn how they play and their signature moves to create the ultimate chemistry.
Times have changed so you will see it in this game with the all new advanced physics engine made with finesse, we guarantee you the enjoyment you asked for!
Bonus game mode
3 on 3 dynasty with AG! In a world where 3 on 3 hockey is replaced by 5 on 5, play with your pro along side the game breaking elite talent; Alonzo Garbanzo, who will take you under his wing in this story driven mode. Learn from his mentoring or ignore him, choose your path, get to know him and his darkest secrets, have an out of body experience on how it is like to be along side SHL stardom. Learn about the drama and hard choices that come with being player, not just on the ice but in the lockerroom, or out of the arena.
Games will be 40 minutes long of realistic simulation gameplay with two periods, in 62 game seasons. With 28 teams in a champions draft, 8 teams from each conference will make the playoffs to compete for the 3 Star Cup in 4 rounds of 3 game elimination matches. Your pro will be drafted on the same team as Garbonzo in a random draft in which preset teams and GMs will attempt to draft the best possible 3 on 3 teams. After the draft you will start of the road to your destiny in the new and different but exciting game mode!
Doubt is a dream killer
Kevin Juice Bieksa Registered
S30, S31 and S33 Challenge Cup Champion & Still on Couch
All of your favorite players from the simulation hockey league are back in this year's edition of SHL 32, we've kept all the features of the previous version but made you losers pay 79.99 for a roster update and shitty extra game modes! Here is a list of just SOME of the new features in our game modes
GM Mode
- Rigging: Now with a new mechanic! Rigging! Do you only have 2 active players? Are your lines just not working? Don't worry, with this new mechanic, your crappy team can make it all the way to the finals, all you have to do is insert some real money and send it to EA, we'll do the rigging for you!
- Co-GM fiascos: In previous editions of GM mode, your Co-GMs were mindless robots that generally just agreed to everything you said in fear of getting fired, either that or they tampered and fucked the team up for three seasons. But now, we have improved the Co-GM AI to give a more realistic feel to having a Co-GM. Keep a close eye on your Co-GM, he might just leave you in free agency with no warning!
Live the life
- Discord: Are you tired of all the big bad older members telling you what to do? Do you not trust the people that have been around for 3-5 years? well this feature is the best thing we could have added for you! Now you may hide in the discord and throw shade instead of going onto the forums and risk being thunderdomed!
We've also decided to add a brand new arcade game mode to spice things up a bit. This game mode is brought to you by the New England Wolfpack. The "Mia pls" mode! In this arcade mode, there is no need to play hockey! Your job as Mia Landvik is to simply be the greatest goon on the team and ice the puck whenever possible. From not playing defense to go punch the ref, to winning the faceoff only to punch the other center and ice the puck, this game mode is a lot of fun! Learn to adapt to your different teammates and their reactions, from Bure's sighs of annoyance and looking at the coach to Jasper Clayton's cross-eyed stare at Bure's Rainbow Dash plushie.
2k games has announced that “SHL 32â€, will officially be live on PC, Xbox One, and PS4 on Dec 26, 2016. Alongside the game, the “MYSHL32†app is now available for iphone and android users that will allow players to create their own SHLer, and earn extra TPE!
For the first time, SHL 32 will allow users to start their MYSHL experience for a full season in the SMJHL and play up to 3 additional seasons in juniors before moving up to the big leagues. With MYSHL, you shape your player experience! You can spend a million dollars to upgrade your scoring stat by 1 attribute point. Or you can head over to the Thunderdome between games to spew out bullshit and hurt your reputation. The choice is yours!
The new MYGM mode also features improvements! You can now attempt to relocate your favorite franchise! Or trade your annoying players for draft picks in seasons you expect a reddit recruitment drive!
Get the SHL32 Legend Edition now for only $99.99! The Legend edition includes:
- Limited-edition Theo Kane poster
- An Ultra Rare Brett Broadway trading card
- $30,000,000 SHL Cash
- 100 Bonus TPE
- A chance to win the Ultimate Legend Stephen Jalopski MyPlayer
- And More!
Bonus:
2kgames also just released a new minigame available exclusively on the “MYSHL32†app for android and IOS! For the first time ever, experience the VLAD McZehrl English and Emoji Deciphering Game! All quotes are 100% authentic and from VLAD himself.VLAD is back in Manhattan after his summer vacation in Germany! Unfortunately, his teammates still can’t understand him despite him promising to take English classes during the break! Can you help translate for them so they understand what he is saying?
Complete all levels to unlock a rare VLAD McZehl trading card for you MYTEAM! Get the highscore to unlock a Legend Chris McZehl card!
Translations vary from easy ones such as "KICK ASSHOLE IN FACE !" to extremely difficult ones such as <_< :lol:
Sig Credits: Gorlab and Kylrad
prettyburn Registered
S23, S30, S31, S33, S39 Challenge Cup Champion
Do you sometimes get tired of the nitty-gritty numbers involved in simulation hockey? Do you wonder who all these players are beyond a set of attributes that tell them what to do on the ice? Introducing SHL32's brand new NARRATIVE MODE! This is your chance to go beyond the ice and into the personal lives of your players. This mode is rife with mini-games, including helping Mikael Talo and Mikke Laukkanen decorate for their wedding, supporting Nathan Russell in his quest to take care of his rookies, finding out who stole Jasper Clayton's Rainbow Dash plushie before the game this time, and MORE, non-Wolfpack related mini-games that we're not going to bother telling you about!! But watch out: if you select Mia Landvik as your player, you unlock a new ADVANCED mini-game where you have 59 seconds to come up with an explanation for why Mia just punched one of her friends! Fun for the whole family!
Now available with Bojo Biscuit's Discord Mode!
Making SHL32 a more social experience, Discord Mode allows you to chat more freely with fellow players, and with actual SHL stars (or at least with bots modeled after them) . Want unlimited access to Pushkin pics, this is the mode for you! But don't worry, Biscuit isn't the only player with a discord presence! Join a chat room based on team preference. Want to know what Dieter Dominique had for breakfast? Pop into the Wolfpack discord (spoiler alert, it's waffles!!!. Talk about players, line combinations, game scores, and strategy. Or don’t! Tired of hockey? Someone in your designated chat room will absolutely want to hear about the argument you just had with your girlfriend, how much you hate your job, or whatever random facts about your personal life you feel inclined to share. Use discord mode to catch up on league wide gossip! But be careful, sometimes what you say in discord might end up in the Thunderdome! Though not intended as a locker loom replacement, Discord Mode may result in a sharp decline in locker room activity.
EA Sports is proud to reveal it's latest installment in the long running, beloved SHL video game franchise with SHL32! Play as all 14 SHL teams, 8 SMJHL teams and unlock retro franchises for exhibition games!
Realisitc SHL Pro Experience! Get drafted to a team and immediately demand out for no good reason, or get drafted and start making such frivolous demands and being such an insufferable prick that you're traded for pennies on the dollar! Get a second job! Sign a big contract then go inactive and become a permanent depth player, or become a legend, then use your namepower to edge your way into a Head Office position, and burn the mother down from within! There are countless paths to ruining it for everyone else - Which will YOU choose?
Completely Random Results! Built a good team? Fuck off with that shit! Make it to the playoffs as the #1 seed and experience the thrill of being bumped out by a team playing a minor league backup goaltender!
Create Multiple Players! Litter the franchise with your fake babies and see which of your builds works out the best, then leave the rest hanging! Or play full Quinn mode and devote 100% of your spare time to ensuring the success of a farm of players!
Special Bonus Game - Choose from your favorite SHL Player, gear up and try our new special mode, a dungeon thriller RPG in which you are required to navigate the endless horror that is The Gore Lab. Deep within the recesses of Bojo's Basement, The Gore Lab is an experimental hockey training facility with a dark secret - Fight for your life as mutant SHLers try to take your hard earned TPE! Find a weapon and be very good at either throwing it or swinging it but apparently not both. Solve Pushkin's elaborate riddles in exhange for helpful weapons and clues! Be confused by the advice of McZ! Defeat Star Players and cut their GMs throats as you fight for your life within the deep, dark recesses - of The Gore Lab.
SHL 32 – Its possibly, but maybe not due to corporate funding, IN THE GAME
Major Features
Be a GM mode – Have you always wanted to run your own franchise? Well now is your chance! Do you take the easy road and take control of the repeat champs the Sawftpack? Or do you maybe take a team on the verge of a potential rebuild cursed by the STHS gods in Toronto? Or lastly the forever rebuilding Sadmirals? The choice is yours in this dynamic and ever evolving mode!
Be a Pro – Nows your chance to play as that super star player you have always wanted. Do you go the path of a franchise goalie like the up and coming German sensation Timo Haas? Or do you maybe take the path less travelled of potato eating, face punching enforcer like Ieuan Llewellyn? The choice is yours.
Design a team – Tired of looking at bland and ugly designs like Kelownas jerseys? Then this is the mode for you. Re-create a teams jerseys with our indepth custom jersey maker and make a jersey for the teams that don’t look it was made in paint by a 4th grader. The custom logos, layering and step by step jersey creation process is state of the art and will make even the greatest of current jerseys seem low key in comparison. (224 words)
BONUS MODE INCLUDED WITH PRE ORDER – BUSTKOVA BUST MODE! – Ever wanted to be your own Nail Yakupov or Alexandre Daigle? Well nows your chance! Be drafted as the 1st overall Pietra Volkova and proceed to have your career become a 1 hit wonder while you spear, slash and punch faces to bust town as the 1st overall pick in the SHL draft. Your path is your own, but the result will truly live up to expectations. Embrace the inter Bustkova within, and make your team feel extra terrible about the pick they made each year as you deal with demotions and press releases stating wether it’s a coaching issue, team culture, or your player is just plain bad. Here at AE sports we had listened about wanting this feature or that, but we decided to add this in anyways with our limited resources cause give us your money that’s why. (150 words)
EA sports announces the release of SHL S32 today. The popular hockey video game includes all of the modes gamers have come to love and hate. The GM mode has been upgraded to a Franchise mode where a player can have total control over the development of his or her favorite team.
The Be a Pro mode now includes a Thunderdome section where the actions off the ice play a bigger role in the relationship between the player and his GM. This section doesn’t really effect the development of your player as much as it effects how your player is viewed by your GM and by other GM’s around the league. For more detail on how this works in game play, here is an example:
The player I chose to create was Taro Tsujimoto, a prospect for the Hamilton Steelhawks. Shortly after the start of the game, Tsujimoto received the following message from his GM: “Neg dis facker!†There was a bug in my version of the game that did not allow me to link to the “facker†that I was supposed to “negâ€, so I chose to ignore the message. Not only did this cause a slight drop in my reputation with my current GM, but it slightly changed my reputation with other GM’s around the league. Each GM is given a hard, neutral or sawft rating that determines the types of players that they’re looking for to build their team with. Your choices in the Thunderdome will determine you own player’s hard, sawft or neutral rating.
Bonus game: A hint of one special game mode included in this season’s version was hinted at by the choice of the star on the cover. The player on the cover for this season’s version was barely recognized. The image for the cover was taken from S8. Eventually it has leaked to the press that players meeting a set of achievements will be able to unlock a Be Joe McKeil mode. Rumor has it that the beginning of the game in this mode has an arcade feel, complete with simple graphics and an 8-bit MIDI soundtrack. The game experience then evolves with the times as you try to be the greatest SHL scorer of all time.
Player Render by Merica
Allegiant Historian
S3, S28, S36, S38, S41, S43, S47 Challenge Cup Champion
The sports-gaming crossover community was given a shocker last night when, in the announcement for the upcoming SHL 32 video game, the latest in a long line of yearly releases of the touted hockey franchise, it was announced that the game would feature what the developers termed 'realistic micro-transactions'. This has been met with disdain from all but the most dedicated of SHL hockey fans, with gamers concerned that this follows a familiar trend of full-price games containing 'pay to win' progression boosts. Although a similar implementation was attempted in earlier years through starting packs, for the first time ever, the SHL series will attempt to replicate an SHL player's life from week to week. Accordingly, in order to progress in skill in either the online or offline 'Create a Player' modes, players will be expected to spend real money for their weekly training, which will only put a small dent in any attribute at any one time. Famously, SHL players spend millions upon millions each year to pay for training, with their monthly gym costs ranging from $2 to $4 million, a problem which some have suggested speaks to the inadequacy of the SHL Head Office' negotiators in attempting to secure gym contracts.
Aside from it's controversial 'training' feature, the SHL game will feature other staples of SHL life in its stated attempt to have players 'live the life'. This ranges from virtual reality parties to the option to tamper with general managers prior to entering free agency. Most compelling of all is the option to engage in a 'call out', through the new Thunderdome feature. Critics of the game's direction suggest that this is a juvenile feature, but they were swiftly silenced by a mass campaign of insults, complaints, and unrelated popcorn memes by the game's developers, attempting to, in effect, roleplay out this new feature that will be included in their game. Thankfully, not all is lost for returning fans from the more conventional SHL 31, as the game will continue to feature it's trademark hockey action with the same engine as before. However, vibration settings for the controller are an additional $5 DLC.
Brett Broadway's Beach-Ball Block
A new mini-game has been added to keep the player's attention throughout the game's notoriously long loading screens. In this game, the players will fill the shoes of Brett Broadway, the Edmonton Blizzard's mediocre net-minder. Facing off against the vastly superior Christoffer Bjornsson, the player will attempt to stop beach-balls from getting into the net using the game's goal-tending controls. In order to mix things up, the player suffers severe debuffs to their skating and hand-speed whenever they make a stop, or when a New England jersey appears in the stands.
Upon making ten saves - no easy feat when playing as Broadway - the player will then progress to the second level, whereupon they will be forced to play a full game against the vaunted Wolfpack. Although no special game features apply, the developers state that this is effectively the game's 'hardcore' mode, as not only do they need to use one of the weaker netminders in the game, but they have to contend with the Cup-winning team's offensive prowess, with only the porous defense of the Edmonton Blizzard to protect them. Players will surely throw down their controllers in disgust after several Winston Windsor turnovers or Magnus Vikstrand fumbles.
Steelhead77 Registered
S27, S29, S32, S40, S42 Challenge Cup Champion & Parm King
PA sports (Parmtronic Arts) would like to announce the latest in their amazing franchise of hockey games. SHL 32, available for PS4, Xbox One, PS3, Xbox 360, PS2, XBox, Gamecube, N64, Original Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Sega master system and Atari. Yes, this game is available on all platforms to accomodate an array of gamers. It features the latest in technology and also the lowest of technology, whatever you're into, this game has it, we do not discriminate.
We'll focus on the high ends systems for now so you can learn about all the newest features, like farting in the crease to throw the goalie off his game or sleeping with an opponents wife during career mode causing him to slump and lose his contract. Those are just a couple features, but there's also a new settings system where you can play with no rules, like a cage match, anything goes, throw your stick at someone on a breakaway, tomahawk an opponent in the head from behind, take your skate off and attack someone, it's all possible in PA's SHL 32. There's even a coaches fight mode where you can scrap with the opposing coach or beat up the ref, it's truly amazing. Clearly one of the most revolutionary games ever created, includes bikini ice girls and player wives for some added off-ice action which can directly effect on-ice performance in be a pro mode. What more could a gamer want?
PA's SHL 32, get it today! [246]
Mini Game: Available in Parmtronic Art's SHL 32 is a new mini game called Esa's Chicken Parm Dash. In this game you go head to head with SHL's veteran superstar and resident parm king Esa Anrikkanen, in an in-between period chicken parm eating contest. Esa is quite large, so you better bring your A game. You'll face off with him at center ice and see who can eat more chicken parm sandwiches in 5 minutes. For each point you've scored in the previous period you get a 1 parm head start, but so does Esa, so try and contain him if you can. Whoever eats more parms gets a +5 increase in Strength, Skating and Scoring for the next period, but also gets a -5 Stamina. If you finish 10 parms in 5 minutes you get a +10 boost to fart cloud, which can be detrimental when released in the opposing goalies crease.
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#1 All-Time SHL Goal & Point Scorer - First 2,000 TPE Player in SHL History - - First 400 Goal Scorer in SHL History - - Only 500 Goal Scorer in SHL History - - First GM to Win 5 & 6 Challenge Cups - Esa Anrikkanen Award - SMJHL ROY - Est. S34 Vidrik Onoprienko Award Winner - S45
sash Registered
overwatch is a first person shooter for weebs
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!" to extremely difficult ones such as <_< :lol: 
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. Talk about players, line combinations, game scores, and strategy. Or don’t! Tired of hockey? Someone in your designated chat room will absolutely want to hear about the argument you just had with your girlfriend, how much you hate your job, or whatever random facts about your personal life you feel inclined to share. Use discord mode to catch up on league wide gossip! But be careful, sometimes what you say in discord might end up in the Thunderdome! ![[Image: 4zfXx6o.gif]](https://i.imgur.com/4zfXx6o.gif)
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