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sharksisback · 12-23-2018, 07:39 PM

What's up nerds? That's right, it's me. The man himself. Troy Reynolds. And I've been reading the trash that this crappy tabloid, The Halifax Gazette, has been putting out. You think it's okay to talk about what me and my teammates do in our free time? You think I'm just gonna sit here and let you besmirch my name? I am a REYNOLDS! I share a last name with THE Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, we aren't related but that carries a legacy!

I scratched and clawed my way to the SMJHL. Let me be clear, I didn't get here by being a drunk. I don't party, I go to church instead. I visit the Jesus and I tell him "man these guys just seem to want to take me down". I think we're kindred spirits. And these parasites at the Halifax Gazette are basically Judas. You think Perry Morgan would go out drinking all night? The dude is too innocent to do that. The Raiders fans are being fed lies by the dishonest media.

So I'll tell you all you need to know about Troy Reynolds. And you can believe me because it's coming straight from my mouth. Or my hands, since I'm typing this. I don't know, I'm not a journalist. Troy Reynolds is a man. In fact, he's something more than that. He's a man's man. He works hard, he practices day and night, and he has never overturned another man's car. And that's in writing so it holds up in court. I may be from Wisconsin, but I do not have a drinking problem. Nor do I have a cheese eating problem. The Halifax media likes to push stereotypes, so of course they think the Wisconsin boy drinks a lot.

The only part those dishonest schmucks got right is that threatening to trade me to Montreal would scare the hell out of me. I've heard stories about that cesspool. Basically, the locker room smells like ass and I will not play anywhere that smells like the wrong end of a cow. I grew up a Falcons fan anyway, so Montreal can bite me. Special shoutout to the traitor prodigal son Nikolai Evans for betraying an entire fanbase. I'll see your ass on the ice.

I might have had a few drinks before that last paragraph. I'm not taking back anything I said, just pointing out that I have had a few drinks. Seeing how this is the holiday season, I think I might as well treat this as Festivus. Kristoffer Svensson. You absolute bastard. I remember you in the Prospect Showcase, when we dropped the gloves and you SUCKER PUNCHED me! You have a lot of nerve to take a shot at the pride and joy of Wisconsin. I'll see your ass on the ice.

This one goes out to everyone who played on the Vipers in the showcase. You're cool.

Despite the garbage media, Halifax is the best place to play. The locker room is welcoming and full of booze. I mean...full of energy. And positive feelings. Unlike Montreal. We have great leaders and prospects in Halifax, while Montreal is led by a treacherous snake. Not the GM, I'm sure he's a cool guy. I mean Evans. In case I didn't make that claear. He's a buum. I can't read what i'm writing anymore

Thanks for reading my op-ed. We're gonna make you proud Halifax.

Troy Reynolds
Raiders Right Winger

*slothfacekilla* · 12-23-2018, 07:44 PM

Zema · 12-24-2018, 10:59 PM

I love you Troy.

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