Login

Flareon · 12-23-2018, 08:27 PM

SMJHL PUCK SHORTAGE MYSTERY UNCOVERED IN COLORADO??????

[/url]
[url=http://simulationhockey.com/showthread.php?tid=91823]Last week we reported that a puck shortage was affecting the whole SMJHL, forcing coaches to only work on defensive plays with their new rookies. News sources in Colorado, following the Raptors, have reportedly discovered the cause of all the lost pucks. One small-town newspaper reporting on the Raptors alleged that they'd "seen the rookies head to a dispensary together, and then straight to practice. Obviously intoxicated, the players were skating like a snail and every shot went sky-high into the stands. Rather than collect the missing pucks, they decided to steal the rest of the league's pucks and just lose them." The article then went on to say that they looked around for any proof and found huge dumpster loads of pucks, each with a different team logo upon it. Allegedly some were even of SHL teams, but not as many. Raptors management couldn't be reached for comment about these allegations, we instead received an "out of office" auto-reply, which was clearly written by someone who wasn't sober. Determined to discover if there was any truth to these claims, we sent a reporter down to Colorado and pose as a local. Apparently the huge dumpsters had been moved. Apparently there was a strong stench coming from the direction of the locker room, proving at least half of the claims. One thing's for sure, neither of the Colorado nets have been hit since the end of last season, there were a lot of pucks in the stadium seating.

In unrelated Colorado Raptors news, management told reporters earlier today they had received resumes from several Halifax Raiders players, with certain parts highlighted in an obnoxious yellow colour. We (hesitantly) reached out to the Halifax players to see if they could shed any light on what that was about. Perry Morgan, who is believed to have spearheaded the campaign, stated that "a draft analysis coming out of Colorado put down me and my teammates, I couldn't let that go unchecked. We sent them what we could to prove the whole thing wrong. No one comes for my team like that." Morgan spoke with a subtle anger in his voice, or perhaps it was a lost voice after his night of parting with Troy Reynolds. Either way, it didn't sound pretty. Jimmy Slothface, proclaimed face of the Raiders, then gave his thoughts on the matter. "I think Colorado is just jealous of our successful draft class and it is sad they have to make up issues in the media. We wanted them to know what they've missed out on." Troy Reynolds then stumbled into the room, causing me and my fellow reporter to nervously look at each other. "Colorado's GM doesn't even know my name considering the lack of attention he gave me. Why would I send him my resume? He's just making up stuff because he's afraid. Don't be scared homie." When presented with a copy of the resume provided by Colorado, he scowled his face and walked off, drinking out of a flask. Morgan then finished off the round questions, saying that "They won't beat us on the ice, so they're trying to get to us mentally, it won't work."

The 2nd round defence pick from the Raiders is clearly passionate about his new home, and is more than ready to stick by his team.