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***TheSparkyDee*** · 06-21-2020, 03:06 PM

Article from Detroit Party News
Written by: Dixie Normous A.K.A. (Tipsey Dixie)

In Detroit everyone knows it is starting to become a young new hip city to live in, the food is amazing, the booze DUHHH is so good I would drink every day in Detroit if I could and come to work completely trashed. I still try to tell my boss Danny it is not a big deal. Anyway, we have come up on a couple amazing drinking stories from our local SMJHL Team the Detroit Falcons, who we already know to be a rowdy group on and off the ice. The Detroit Falcons are in the playoff picture as of right now with only about 7 games left to go. The Detroit Falcons are coming off a season last year winning the cup. They had a great season. But this season started slow but they are getting hot at the right time. Today we have a story from Zolton Topalo. After the story we have a interview with Jack Kanoff on some questions I had for him.

Let’s start with off with the story with new draftee Zakkira Diporov and Zolton Topalo was with the team at a bar on the east side of the city, called Froggy Soggy Bar & Grille. It was around 11pm and Zolton was drinking a cold Bud Lite, did not want to get to drunk due to practice being at 5am the next morning, so he was with Zakkira at the time and was wondering while the waitress kept staring at both of them. Of course Zakkira's Russian brain thought she was looking at him. The waitress came to the table to ask what they would like to order. Zakkira said "I will take an order of fries and cheeseburger, and a glass of you" while winking. The waitress laughs and then goes on to ask Zolton what he would like to order, Zolton said some fried pickles will be fine. The waitress walked away from the table, Zakkira leans into Zolton with his Moscow Mule breath and says "she wants me bro...” Then Zolton then leans away from Zakkira, he laughs and shakes his head. Zolton told Zakkira to go and talk to the waitress. Zakkira already planned on getting her number before they left for practice. Zakkira said we need to go the new bar by the arena "The Skree lounge" a lot of the guys are going there tonight and then were just staying out until practice starts in the morning. Zolton was not ready to be hung-over for practice AGAIN, because just last week the team was spotted at a nightclub where Sammy Blaze decided to take some loud and annoying St. Louis fans and throw them out of the club with the two other bouncers. Zolton had to go over to the west side of the city to pick up Zakkira because he and a lady friend decided to go back to the woman's place. Zakkira and Zolton were almost late because of it.

Zolton did not want to go out with them again due to the coach pushing everyone so hard until they puke, because the coach knew what they were doing the whole night. He changed his mind when the waitress came over with the food and 2 Pickle Back for Zolton. For everyone who does not know what a Pickle Back shot is... Well it is whiskey and pickle juice brine made into a shot. The waitress asked Zolton if he was seeing anyone, Zolton said no, and she answered back "do you want to?" Zakkira almost chocked on his cheeseburger. After Zakkira downed his 4th Moscow Mule in 20 minutes. He asked her "I thought you were staring at me?" She told him no. Zakkira got up and walked away upset at the devastating news. Zolton asked why there are two shots of this pickle juice. She explained to him what this shot is, and told him that they were for him and her. Zolton took the shot like A MAN!!!!!!!! The waitress asked if Zolton wanted to come and go out to the Skree Lounge to hang out with some of her friends who are looking to see the other hockey players at the nightclub. Zakkira came back to the table with a woman around his arms, and told Zolton they have to go to the lounge now.
Zakkira and Zolton made their way to the Skree Lounge with two new ladies they just meet via taxi. Zakkira and Zolton turned some heads from the other team when they finally made it to the lounge in the VIP Area. Zolton does not remember what happened to Zakkira after they got to the Lounge, he was worried dealing with the waitress more than his drunken friend. He has been drinking with Zakkira many times so he'll be fine. The waitress that came with Zolton brought 4 shots of Pickle Back to the table, and at the time it was around 2am when this was going on. Zolton was too drunk to remember her name anymore, but just before Zolton could tell this woman he needed to stop drinking the team sober person (which there was always one of) approached Zolton. The sober player told him to go find Zakkira he was passed out in the bathroom and they have to get ready for practice in 3 hours. Zolton was looking for Zakkira but the women wanted him to do these Pickle Back shots out of her belly button.

Zolton looked more shocked than anything. He said "uhh you want me to do what... In what??” Zolton laughed and told her no thank you. As he was laughing Zakkira comes running out of the bathroom and said "I'll do it." As Zolton looked at Zakkira not really mad, but disappointed. Zakkira said he lost his date when he got there, he went to go get a drink for her and he forgot to go back to the VIP section because he had to go to the bathroom, and ended up passing out in the stall. Once he told his epic story, he turned to the waitress and told her he would do it. Zolton told me as soon as Zakkira did the 3rd shot of the 4 shots of Pickle Back, Zakkira threw up all over the waitress! Zolton grabbed Zakkira and ran out of the lounge with the rest of the players to go get ready for practice. As Zakkira and Zolton were walking down the road with the rest of the team on the way to the arena and leaned into Zolton with a piece of paper.. And said "I told you I'd get her number before practice."

Now we have an interview with Jack Kanoff , I had a couple questions for him.

First Question: Good morning Jack, where is your favorite place to go drinking in Detroit??

Jack Kanoff: Coming from Canada we love our beer and we love all kinds of alcohol in general. All of us Canadians love to have a good time when people are drinking and people all around the world know that. When I first got traded to Detroit I wanted to bring that same culture here and just...have a good time. Thankfully I've been fortunate enough to have some big contracts so buying alcohol has never been a problem, but the same can't be said for JSS, who I often have to buy alcohol for.

The best place to drink in Detroit is easily my place. We're always stocked with vodka, beer and rum and as long as people are nice about it they're always free to go on and have them for free. Like I said earlier people know where to come for a good time in Detroit and that's usually at my place where you can always enjoy yourself.
Second Question: Do you have any fun stories of your teammates drinking?

Jack Kanoff: My craziest drinking story is when our former teammate, HeHateMe DanglesForDays got super drunk and literally ran through the window of his 2nd story apartment after we began celebrating our 4-star cup last season. He had multiple injuries but thankfully had no long-term injuries. Unfortunately this didn't sit well with Tig and Nour as they ultimately had to let him go in the off-season.

Tipsey Dixie: EPIC!

Thank you for reading this article!!
Go Falcons! SKREEEEE!! Falcons

(1,404 Words)

Duff101 · 06-21-2020, 05:19 PM

All the hip young kids in Detroit hop the border into Windsor where the drinking age is lower.

Credit to Geck, Ragnar and Juni for sigs

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