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Ranking the IIHF teams by their country's national dish
#1
(This post was last modified: 07-16-2020, 12:10 AM by Wearingabear.)

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Alright, so the editors here wanted us to do a light hearted piece about the IIHF this year because “there was much stress surrounding the IIHF and SHL draft and morals were low” (okay, boomers) and so we decided to rank the Countries by their National Dishes. This was done without support and lacking imperical evidence and is totally opinion based. You may agree with what we had to say, you might disagree completely and think your home countries dish deserves the top spot. That’s great, you think that, but here is what we found out about these dishes while eating them and the order we ranked them in.


14. Norway – Farikal

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Farikal is one of the most traditional dishes in Norway and has been the National Dish since 1972. There was an attempt to change this back in 2014, but for whatever reason the Norwegians stuck with this simple, and fairly boring dish, it’s name translates to Mutton and Cabbage. Now Farikal is loaded with the standard ingredients you’d expect of a cold regions, cabbage, potatoes, and beef. Those Norwegians know how to stay warm with all the wool sweaters, but those animals have to go at some point. So they layer the mutton (sheep that are over 3 years old) with cabbage, peppercorns and let that shit stew for hours. Then they serve it with boiled potatoes. I’m sure it holds a special place in their hearts, but it’s just not exciting enough to make it past #14 on the list.

13. Russia – Borscht
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Now we all know that Evgeni Malkin’s lucky soup to eat is his Mom’s Borscht, and Alexander Ovechkin eats it at his favorite restaurant’s back home. But is this ruby beet tinged soup good enough to make it past #13 on our list? It’s beefy, rich, kind of tangy, and great with a dollop of sour cream. But this soup will also stain your shit and make you think you’ve got some digestion and or rectal issues. We’ll leave this one to the Ruski’s to enjoy.

12. Germany – Sauerbraten
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Okay, so you would think that maybe Currywurst, pork knuckle, or sausages would be the national dish of Deutschland, but think again. Sauerbraten is the winner here, a classic German dish that some say dates back to Julius Caesar and his Roman expeditions to Koln. Now this dish makes the step up above Borscht because of the versatility of this dish. It’s name translates to “ Sour Roast Meat”, which is what it is. The meat is marinated in wine and vinegar for way longer than needed, and then braised until fork tender, served with gravy and probably the best part is either the Spaetzle or Potato Dumplings that act as a way to soak everything up. Rich, tangy, stick to your bones goodness comes out here. But it’s still a bit of an acquired taste.

11.Czechia -  Vepřo knedlo zelo
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This dish and Germany’s Sauerbraten are so similar that it was a virtual tie when it came to figuring out spots 11 and 12. We can’t pronounce this dish’s name, but fuck is it good. Bread dumplings, braised pork and sauerkraut and the braising liquid from that pork. This dish is simple, but when executed right it’ll knock you back, especially drinking a Pivo along with. What put this dish above was the lack of vinegar or pickling of the pork prior to cooking. The sauerkraut does all the work here. Our version had the sauerkraut cooked with more cabbage, bacon, caraway and apples. If it wasn’t for that bacon, this would have stayed at 11.

10. Latvia – Piragi
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These little dumpling treats are found across all of Latvia. In our research we found a few other kind of drab dishes that could be considered Latvia’s national dish (Grey Peas and Bacon sounds depressing and straight out of the Cold War), but Piragi took the winner here. Not to be confused with Pierogis, these are dumplings that are encased in a rich, slightly sweetened dough, filled with a bacon and roasted onion mixture that’s baked until golden brown. You need a morning pick me up on the road, these put Hot Pockets to shame.


9. Switzerland – Fondue

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Coming in hot at number 9 is a dish that everybody is familiar with, the cheesiest of them all, Fondue. Now, this idea of using a shared pot in the middle of the table that has everybody dipping food into is not unique to Switzerland. But what is unique is the blend of cheeses (usually kind of funky cow’s cheeses) that are melted down with white wine, Kirsch, and starch to help keep it all emulsified. Then you go to town with stale bread, potatoes, salami, whatever makes you happy. You spend a day in the Alps skiing, this and good dark ale is all you need to get full.

8. Japan – Curry
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Yep, Curry. Not Ramen, not sushi, not yakitori, not rice. Curry. This dish made it’s way to Japan by way of the Imperialistic British, who learned about the dish while colonizing India. This curry is vastly different than any other version you may find in India or Thailand. This rich, sticky, delicious curry is made from a dark roux and layered with savory spices. It can then be used a sauce for a braise with vegetables and rice, or alongside Tonkotsu. Number 8 and 7 were thought to be controversial choices here on this list. But the uniqueness of this curry made it number 8.

7. Finland – Rye Bread
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Officially voted by the Finnish people as their national dish, Rye Bread comes in at number 7 here. An odd choice to be above Fondue and Piragi? The thing is Rye bread is hearty, and versatile. You wanna make some Finnish Fondue? Rye bread is the bread you’re putting in that dip. You want smoked salmon, guess what that’s going on? Rye bread. Of course there are many versions of it, but the most flavorful of them all is Black Bread, which is made with beer malt syrup, rye flour and a bunch of other delicious things. It’s best fresh out of the oven with as much Butter as you can pile on top and some crunchy sea salt. This bread fucks.

6. Sweden – Köttbullar

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You might have thought that pickled herring, or fermented reindeer was going to be up here for Sweden’s national dish. But Köttbullar takes the number 6 spot on this list. Made popular across the world by IKEA, don’t sleep on these guys. Smaller, and lighter than their Italian counterparts, you won’t find a giant Swedish meatball sitting atop a mountain of spaghetti and gravy. Made with a mix of beef and veal, simmered in a cream sauce, and served with mashed potatoes. You’ll need an instant nap after these.

5. Great Britain – Chicken Tikka Masala
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Another kind of surprise dish on here, you’d think that a Sunday Roast, or Fish and Chips with mushy peas would be the Brit’s National Dish. But this dish was voted by GB in 2002 as the dish best to represent GB, this goes against anybody who voted for Brexit’s thought process though. This orange hued spicy curry is so popular in England, that young Brits think of it as their own and don’t see the correlation between GB and India. However much appropriated this dish is, doesn’t mean it’s not a fucking great dish. Spicy and tangy, this dish makes up for the lack of sun you get in Great Britain.

4. Ireland – Irish Stew

[Image: stovetop-beef-and-guinness-stew-4.jpg]
Kind of a surprising hit to come in at number 4 on this list, but this dish hits all the notes. It’s familiar, rich, delicious, nostalgic, and can be eaten before getting shit faced on St. Patty’s day, and after as well to help soak up all that nasty shamrock colored spirits that people pour down their gullets. Mutton chops, carrots, onion, celery, cabbage, Guiness. What makes this better than the Norwegian Farikal? The fact that we writing this article, have Irish ancestry and this brings us back home when we eat. It’s a biased article, get over it.

3. Austria – Wiener Schnitzel.
[Image: Riesen_Wienerschnitzel.jpg?resize=1140%2C855]
The most beloved Wiener to come out of Austria is by and far the Wiener Schnitzel. Thinly pounded, breaded with flour, egg, mustard and breadcrumbs. You can eat this on it’s own with just a bit of lemon, and it’ll blow your mind. While Vienna is known for it’s Apfelstrudel and other assorted pastries. Schnitzel comes in 3rd on this list because who doesn’t love fried food? If you don’t, you don’t love hockey and you shouldn’t be reading this article.

2. Canada – Poutine
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Synonymous with drunken Canadian bar fights that are fueled by Molson’s and Labat, Poutine is the food you eat to help sober yourself up, eh. French fries, gravy and sqeaky cheesy curds make this dish 2nd to none in Canada, only followed closely by Ketchup Chips. You know it, you love it, it’s no surprise it made it to number 2.

1. USA – Hamburger

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This dish is so closely related to freedom and Bald Eagles, Uncle Sam himself was said to have served this dish while fighting the Nazis and the Viet Cong at the same time. But no matter what your preferred method of eating it, smashed with caramelized onions, 3x3s, double deckers, hipster raw with bone marrow, double double animal style, beef and buns from Food ‘N Stuff, impossible burgers. The burger is the most obvious choice to be at the top of the list, and is so good they even made plant based versions so you don’t feel left out dripping that sweet beef juice down your chin. If you don’t like a burger, you hate freedom.


There you have it, ranked from worst to best dishes from every country in the IIHF. Enjoy this ranked Shitpost dictated, not read by Dick S. Lapper.


ready for grading!

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#2

rigged, poutine should be #1

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#3

As someone who has an Austrian grandparent, I'm glad schnitzel made it this high on the list.

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#4

fondue #1
it’s versatile

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#5

Hamburgers are great. Rye bread with salmon is fucking good though.

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#6

can't complain about rye bread being ranked so highly

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#7
(This post was last modified: 07-13-2020, 09:41 PM by TheHockeyist.)

One: Russia doesn't even pronounce it "borscht" - that seems to be a Bulgarian interpretation of the letter щ. We spell it борщ (same spelling) and pronounce it like "borsh" but with the final sh kind of mixed in with a y sound, and normally spell it in English as borshch (referencing the historical pronunciation of щ as "shch") or less commonly as borsch. I get why English speakers spelled it the way they do, but it's not the way Russians pronounce it at all.

Two: Hate it? Try okroshka, shchi (a cabbage soup), pirogi, or maybe kompot. Kompot's pretty well known.

Second-to-last place is disgusting. I demand a refund of my time reading this article.

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#8

Excuse me, poutine is goat teir food. If something from Quebec can be accepted and owned by all of Canada you know it's top tier shit

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#9

I dont know how the fuck GB got tikka masala but I'm 100% for it

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#10

07-13-2020, 09:41 PMTheHockeyist Wrote: One: Russia doesn't even pronounce it "borscht" - that seems to be a Bulgarian interpretation of the letter щ. We spell it борщ (same spelling) and pronounce it like "borsh" but with the final sh kind of mixed in with a y sound, and normally spell it in English as borshch (referencing the historical pronunciation of щ as "shch") or less commonly as borsch. I get why English speakers spelled it the way they do, but it's not the way Russians pronounce it at all.

Two: Hate it? Try okroshka, shchi (a cabbage soup), pirogi, or maybe kompot. Kompot's pretty well known.

Second-to-last place is disgusting. I demand a refund of my time reading this article.

I'll send you a burger as a refund, just let the bald eagle where to drop it off at.

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#11
(This post was last modified: 07-13-2020, 11:20 PM by TheHockeyist.)

07-13-2020, 10:43 PMWearingabear Wrote:
07-13-2020, 09:41 PMTheHockeyist Wrote: One: Russia doesn't even pronounce it "borscht" - that seems to be a Bulgarian interpretation of the letter щ. We spell it борщ (same spelling) and pronounce it like "borsh" but with the final sh kind of mixed in with a y sound, and normally spell it in English as borshch (referencing the historical pronunciation of щ as "shch") or less commonly as borsch. I get why English speakers spelled it the way they do, but it's not the way Russians pronounce it at all.

Two: Hate it? Try okroshka, shchi (a cabbage soup), pirogi, or maybe kompot. Kompot's pretty well known.

Second-to-last place is disgusting. I demand a refund of my time reading this article.

I'll send you a burger as a refund, just let the bald eagle where to drop it off at.

Only if it's served with a side of kompot and not soda. Drop it off at Computer Chair, United States please.

*it's, not it. I typoed.

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#12

I'm sorry, the actual national Russian dish is vodka. Please rerank accordingly.

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#13

07-13-2020, 10:50 PMTheHockeyist Wrote:
07-13-2020, 10:43 PMWearingabear Wrote: I'll send you a burger as a refund, just let the bald eagle where to drop it off at.

Only if it served with a side of kompot and not soda. Drop it off at Computer Chair, United States please.

i'll even throw in a bottle of Stoli.

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#14

07-13-2020, 10:56 PMWearingabear Wrote:
07-13-2020, 10:50 PMTheHockeyist Wrote: Only if it served with a side of kompot and not soda. Drop it off at Computer Chair, United States please.

i'll even throw in a bottle of Stoli.

Deal.

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#15

07-13-2020, 05:14 PMWearingabear Wrote: WHOOPS NOT READY FOR GRADING YET, ACCIDENTALLY HIT POST INSTEAD OF SAVE.
I take offense at this

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