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*lmao* · 11-18-2021, 06:56 PM

You know what a joke is? My player's performance in the SHL over the past two seasons! Funny one, I know, but I do not have any good material.

Julio Tokolosh · 11-18-2021, 07:08 PM

i have a few that came to mind, but most were very inappropriate and i dont want to risk upsetting people, so this one is only mildly inappropriate.

Summer job over a decade ago, a coworker my age (highschool/college) was trying to hit the other coworkers in the balls (as one does). I had a heads up that he was gunning for my boys. i went to an area of the office that was off-camera and sat down with my legs spread to entice him in. as he approached, ~5 feet away, i complimented his shirt and told him that it made his arms look very long and i asked him what he thought his wingspan was. he stood upright and then spread his arms at shoulder level to get a better estimate, and as he did that i pegged him right in the nuts with a tennis ball that i was hiding. he was down for a minute and then got angry at other coworkers for warning me about the assassination attempt.

other good prank is injecting mayo into your roommates toothpaste to give him the negative health side effects. classic.

monochroma · 11-18-2021, 07:09 PM

There's one specific youtube video that never fucking fails to crack me up. It's Tommy Wiseau's Joker audition, well, really only the first 10 seconds of it. The worms in my brain just have some sort of extra strong reaction to it and it doesn't matter how many times I see it, I still fucking lose it. You probably already know what video I'm talking about, but here you go anyway https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFjFxgHedgM

Bongo · 11-18-2021, 07:22 PM

a good prank i've seen: when im working with someone new, i put the heat on blast while we are in the work vehicle (in the summer months). When they comment on the heat, i change the subject or turn up the radio. If they turn off the heat, I don't react but 5 minutes later I immediately turn it back on. If they confront me about it, i just say im cold.

Toivo · 11-18-2021, 08:44 PM

Somebody got into one of the team's voice channels on discord while we were playing Overwatch. He just started snapping his fingers and finally someone asked what are you doing? The guy said keeping the elephants away. Then someone asked which elephants? And the guy said exactly before hopping out of the voice channel and never hopping back in again.

***CapnCooper*** · 11-18-2021, 09:03 PM

Yesterday I felt miserable when I got home from work. I felt sick, tired and just beat out. My 4 year old daughter was in a great mood though. She was trying to say something to my wife and we couldn't understand what she was saying and she rolled her eyes back and did this chicken wing arm flapping thing that totally caught us off guard and I cracked up. It was a much needed laugh.

VillageBC · 11-18-2021, 10:34 PM

My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. Ha! That’s not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. It’s the only way I can see the numbers.

GCool · 11-18-2021, 11:33 PM

I still think about this one time my freshman year of college -- I lived in the dorm across the hall from the bathroom. One late Saturday night, I was *awoken* by a stench coming from outside the door. Someone had vomited in the water fountain. I wasn't too happy about it. Monday morning, this guy who didn't live on the floor came to the bathroom and looked in my room. He asked, "do you live here?" and I said yeah. He said, "sorry for that prank, bet that wasn't too great to smell". I replied, "Sorry you think throwing up outside my door is a prank". That was the last I heard of it. Everyone on the floor was fined about $3 (split between 50ish people) for the cleanup of that vomit, but I'll never forget waking up to that odor.

Muford · 11-18-2021, 11:49 PM

To be honest, if you want good jokes just go to the SHL Twitter and follow the Tampa Bay Barracuda, they post dad jokes almost daily, and they get me to chuckle on the regular.

CanadianDuck · 11-19-2021, 02:57 AM

When I was younger, me and my brother were carrying these long, thin, sheets of wood from an old pig barn we were helping to tear down. He grabbed 2 and I grabbed like 8 of them. (These were actually pretty heavy and we were joking about how many there were.) I went to put a few back, but they fell towards my brother instead. As soon as they hit the 2 he had, the force literally sent him flying across the section we were in and only stopped when he hit the barricade. It sounds painful, but to me it was absolutely hilarious once I realized he was ok.

CementHands · 11-19-2021, 03:00 AM

So IRL story. I was the best man at my best friends wedding and he promised me for months and months that I would not have to make a speech at the ceremony. Fast forward to wedding day and 2 hours before the ceremony this idiot walks into the room, apologizes profusely and tells me that the Maid of Honour really wanted to have a speech, so I had to make one as well.

Let's just say I was the best man for a reason. Whipped up a speech about one of the first times we met, many moons ago. I threw in a joke, got some interaction, and kept it short and on point. Oh, I also was the very first person called up to give the speech, so I also set the tone for the rest.

You made an excellent decision bud, Love you @KaleSalad

EsAmYk · 11-19-2021, 04:14 AM

So one of the best jokes I heard goes like this:

A child goes up to their father and goes: "Hey dad? I'm bisexual.

Dad: "So that means you could have a male partner"

Child: "Yep."

Dad: "Or a female partner."

Child: "Yep."

Dad: "And if you can't find a partner, you're on stand-bi?"

Rangerjase · 11-19-2021, 12:07 PM

One of the silliest things that goes around maybe every 4-6 months on the site is the Gatoring, or the lobstering images that get sent around. Whenever people PM me one of them I like to pretend that it won't load or the image just doesn't show up. I try to see how many times I can get the person to send it before they figure out i'm messing with them and they are the victim of my prank, not the other way around. JOKES ON YOU!

tommytightpants · 11-19-2021, 12:42 PM

I really like this prompt man.

This joke never fails to make me smile, if not full out giggle/laugh.

What noise does a rotary saw make when you turn it on?

A SAAAAAAAAAH DUDE

(Insert obligatory shakabrah here)

Nerio · 11-19-2021, 12:56 PM

WBF sent me a picture of a lobster the other day claiming that i am now lobstered and have to send it to someone else to be unlobstered. Best joke 2021

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