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Jimmysmo27 · 12-25-2023, 01:20 AM

Subject: Time to Unleash My Inner Hockey Magician! ✨

Hey there, fellow hockey enthusiasts and haters of fun, So, I heard through the grapevine that a certain media boomer is at it again, whining about my godly hockey skills and demanding a trade. Well, my dear boomer, I'm feeling mischievous today, and I couldn't resist addressing your delightful complaints. Buckle up, because it's about to get ridiculous up in here! First things first, let me just say that your fashion sense is truly awe-inspiring. Those high-waisted pants and questionable hairdo remind me of a glam rock star from the 80s, just missing the sweet mullet. But fear not, dear boomer, I have a foolproof solution for your fashion woes: a bedazzled hockey jersey with your face on it. Trust me, it'll make you look as fly as a penguin on rollerblades. Oh, and can we talk about your obsession with outdated hockey tactics? It's time to embrace innovation, my friend! I have a revolutionary new play called the "Flying Zamboni Maneuver." It involves harnessing the mystical power of unicorns and strapping wings to the good ol' Zamboni. Trust me, this tactic will blow your mind, or at least make you crack a smile under that persistent frown. Now, let's address your "trade demands." How about this stunning offer? I'll trade you — wait for it — a never-ending supply of game-worn socks in exchange for my presence on your TV show. But don't worry, I'll make sure they're odor-free; I wouldn't want to disrupt your delicate senses with the legendary stench of victory. Remember, life is too short to take hockey too seriously. Let's put the "ice" in "nice" and create a world where boomer media hosts and players can coexist... with a healthy dose of silliness and ridiculousness.

Stay fabulous and keep your stick twirling,

#HockeyMagic #FashionableEnchantments #UnicornZamboni

KlusteR · 12-25-2023, 01:33 AM

Code:
Option 2:

Written Task: Describe a drill your player does with your goalie in practice. If you are a goalie, your task has not changed, but you get to decide whether you're drilling with your backup or playing with yourself.

As the season is winding down, the coaching staff of the San Francisco Pride has to start getting creative with their drills during training sessions, since the players have pretty much seen it all at this point in February. A week ago, they had the defensemen lined up as centers, assuming their responsibilities in the offensive zone, and vice versa - hoping for both set of players to get a better sense of when to double-team an opposing center during games, and when to call for help. This time, every winger gets a 5 minute session with one of the two goalies, in an exercise in rebound control for the netminder, and in reaction check for the wingers that go in front of the net. The first half of the drill is designed to have the goalie send his rebounds to the corner of the ice, with the winger sending consecutive shots - first one low, second one high. In the second half, the goalie is asked to send his rebounds directly in front of himself, and let the shot-taker collect their rebound in order for them to try and score on him. Levin was paired up with starting goalie Walter Sobchak, and he was highly competitive during those 5 minutes, letting Levin score only a handful of time, robbing him blind on a couple of occasions. In order to keep up with his point-per-game pace, Schattenaxt feels like these are the kinds of drills that will help him in the near future, as the playoffs are now firmly on the horizon.

(264 words)

***frithjofr*** · 12-25-2023, 01:46 AM

Option 2:

Darnell actually warms up with the goalies in an exercise they call the Darlin' Wall. Darnell will skate side to side laterally across the crease and when the goaltender calls either high or low, Darnell will either leap or drop to the ice sideways, and the goaltender will cover the opposite portion of the goal. This way we can achieve 100% coverage of the goalmouth using Darnell's body. Just kind of imagine we're stacking the two guys up on top of each other, or using their bodies as planks to nail the goal shut. It's been extremely effective this season, with Darnell blocking a career high number of shots. For a while he was even leading the league in blocked shots, but has fallen off quite a bit since then... We'll blame that on the goalies picking the wrong portion of the goal for Darnell to cover, though. We're looking into the legality of Darnell wearing hooks on his knees and elbows so that he can be suspended from the cross bar like one of those signs above a saloon.

***Pythonic*** · 12-25-2023, 01:58 AM

HockeyDay69420 tweeted:

"All Lappalainen does is park his ass in front of the goalie and block shots. What the hell is that? Get up there and get some pucks in to the back of the net or pass it for some assists you lazy f*cking bum! This is why I like American players more... they're not selfish like this kid..."

FartturiCappalinen replied:

"Hey man, the game has changed. Sorry that your old man ass attention span that you got back in the '80s forces you to only be able to pay attention when goalies play stand-up and goals were being scored like they were going to get shot by league executives if they didn't. Why don't you go ahead and get put on a dose of adderall like some of the poor gen z kids you hate so much so you can actually watch a skillful game get played in the league?"

opt 1

skyrrhawk · 12-25-2023, 02:08 AM

Option 2 Graphic:
[Image: AUQ4mt6.png]

This is known as the Protected Goalie Breakaway. It is an iteration of the Flying V from The Mighty Ducks designed to induce the highest possible amount of intimidation and get the goalie to score a goal, as they come out of the crease and into the back center of the V as it comes up the ice. The skaters then peel off as they reach the slot in the attacking zone. pushing defending skaters to the outside and effectively giving their goaltender a one-on-one with the defending goaltender for the highest possibility of scoring a goal.

MCP_ · 12-25-2023, 02:10 AM

Code:
Option 1:

Written Task: An old-school hockey media boomer of whatever type you dislike the most is complaining about your player and demanding you be traded. Everyone who knows what they're talking about is already calling him a moron, but you decide to get in on the fun. Using your player's burner twitter/X/whatever it is this week account, write a trollpost response designed to infuriate the boomer media host and his fans. The sillier the better. Your objective is to make him angry and make everyone else bust their guts.

Tell you what don, if Jølñgüštrâädæviñçh DuBølk is who you think he is, he will make the greatest effort to meet your wife. It will start small, of course; he'll meet her at a local Christmas party, and make some small talk. They'll hit it off and, after one thing leads to another, they will set up a little meeting at a local coffee shop. After this coffee date, she'll be smitten with him enough to bring him over for dinner one evening. You, sitting on your ass in front of the computer, will have to face this behemoth of a man in your own house. You will stare intensely at him once dinner begins. You feel like he'll be making a move for your wife, and, after an hour, you will yell and scream. You will be kicked out of the house, and they will continue to eat and enjoy their evenings while you sit dazed at the local Cheesecake Factory. He will never actually make a move, and will continue this for years to come.

locrianmidwest · 12-25-2023, 02:10 AM

Calling it a “drill” might be a slight overstatement. “Lukas, I’ve had this idea since the WJC. You’ve gotta be ready to defend yourself.” “What?” “Yeah man. That’s what hockey is all about. Camaraderie, solidarity, alla that shit.” “What’s your point?” “You gotta be prepared for anything. I’m gonna try to rock your shit sometime during practice today.” See, Abdi’s got a bit of a big head since he won that fight in the WJC. No amount of “it was entirely chance” or “the guy more tripped on his way to you than you actually doing any fighting” would stop him - this was his Mr. Miyagi moment. Most of practice came and went without a hitch. Nothing to report besides the conspicuous absence that day of one A. Smokes, which nobody really paid any mind to. It was a sound, at first. The hideous scrape of equipment dragging on ice, being willed as fast as possible past the bewildered stares of the Citadelles and directly towards Lukas. It became a sound once more; a fleeting moment of airborne beauty, all whoosh and speed, before a painful impact to the ice and a slow skid at the feet of number 44. “…nice one. ough……..”

***NYR73*** · 12-25-2023, 02:11 AM

My player likes to practice a lot of things with the goalie. First and foremost, they practice breakaways, it is great practice for the both of them. My player warms them up with some easier shots and eases into more intense dangles later on. He also practices tip in shots. My player doesn’t have a huge net front presence, but it’s always good to train hand eye coordination for both my player and the goalie. My player also enjoys practicing shots from the around the faceoff circles to work on his accuracy but it’s usually pretty easy for a goalie to make that save from that distance with no traffic in front of the net. mostly my player just likes to work on whatever the goalie wants to, they have arguably the most important job so he tends to let the goalie take charge if they want to. Very important to maintain a good relationship with the tendy

***trashae*** · 12-25-2023, 02:27 AM

Let's start this Twitter rant with old faithful: "Ok, Boomer." I fully get that looking at the box scores my numbers aren't big and shiny enough for you. In my final season of juniors eligibility I'm expected to lead my team in some offensive category. I'm sorry I'm not shooting at an almost 24% clip like Lahey or dishing apples like Marius. Boo fucking hoo. When I'm on the ice the Falcons get almost 60% of the scoring chances. And you know what? When things are even stevens between us and the opponent with some 5v5 hockey I've got 5 more goals than the next best Falcon. Special teams aren't what I'm here to do bud. Oh wait? What's that? I lead the team in power play assists. Oh so now I get it you're just complaining for no reason because when you take even a cursory glance under the hood you can see that The Murray is a major player driving this team forward to a championship.

***Takk806*** · 12-25-2023, 02:29 AM

Hi old-school hockey media boomer. I want to have it out there that I firmly believe that Xavier Beausoleil should not be the captain of the Columbus T-Rex Volleyball girl squad. I think it’d be a disservice to the seeing eye dogs community that this great kayaker should hang up his curling twirls and stop doing backflips in his drift cars and focus more on the beauty of the game by simply sticking to the basics, making a moist spaghetti. It’s a well known fact that Beausoleil has a talent for rushing the baseball goal with his curling racket. Having him switch up his style by using his backhand on the butterfly stroke challenge could give him the lead in this ping pong race. I think we can all agree that offense is the best defense, especially in the world of horse riding.

To you user boomer1902, if you think that this post made absolutely no sense. That’s how we feel when reading your tweets.

5ympathies · 12-25-2023, 02:31 AM

One drill I love to do with my goalie, or any goalie I am every playing against, whether it be the starting goalie, the back up goalie, a goalie i see on the streets, any child in goalie gear, or even cardboard cutouts or advertising material for goalies, is just skate towards them full force, and see if they can deke me out and have me crash into the posts of the net. Basically like what those fellas do in Spain (without the S) with the bulls and the red towels. Except the goalie is a matador and I am the bull, and the objective is for me to sprint straight line as fast as I can, and the goalie has to slide out so I crash the net without hitting them. I know it sounds crazy, but it helps boost their reaction time which is super important for winning games. It's even funnier when the goalies aren't expecting it.

Thanks to JSS for the signature

Jorec · 12-25-2023, 02:53 AM

Option 2

Goalies are given a lot of respect around the league. People don't really get up in their faces a lot. Sure, they might screen them from a respectful distance but to really get in their faces? You need a specialist. Luckily for the Panthers goalies, Andren Akerson is already one of the better goalie screeners in the league. Even if it is just his first season. As a result, the coach has Andren running drills with them often. Helping them acclimatize with what it's like to have a butt in the face all of the time. Sometimes they can even get a little chirpy after team burrito night lends an aspect of chemical warfare to the drill but the coach knows best. You can see it on the ice too. When opposing teams get in our goalies faces, they keep their cool and make the saves. Even if it was burrito night before the game.

155 words

JNH · 12-25-2023, 02:57 AM

I like my goalies to be tough. If they can't handle a couple pucks to the dome in warmup, how're they supposed to handle pucks to the dome when it comes to the actual game? I'm a big proponent of practice like you play, and you can't simulate game scenarios by keeping it only below the goalies' shoulders. So in warmups, I'm out there buzzing around and I'm ringing them off the goalie's cage like it's the equivalent of going bar down. If I don't bounce one off of Mat's mask and into the netting above the glass, I'm not having a good game that night. Goalies are weirdos, half of them love taking pucks off the dome anyways so those who are coddling them and taking it easy are just doing their goalies a disservice. Plus, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger so that's some update points in strength saved right there.

***Seany148*** · 12-25-2023, 03:08 AM

PBE affiliate

***Acsolap*** · 12-25-2023, 03:10 AM

Red is no spring chicken and a lot of the time it seems like the kids these days are doing all sorts of new fangled and non sensical things that if he had done it when he was a kid it would have earned him a clip around the ear from his dad. The current flavour of the month thing to do is a move called the Michigan where a combination of momentum and savvy stick handling is used to lift the puck off the ice and tuck it into the corner of the net. Because they look extrordinary everyone is having a go at them now and it has become both a challenge for skaters to pull it off and a nightmare for goalies to defend against. Because of this Red likes to practice them in the free time after team practice and BASE PACK likes to have people practice against them so that he is aware and ready during games in case someone tries it on him.

Credit to Ml002, King, Wasty, Carpy, Bruins10, Rum_Ham, Turd Ferguson, Ragnar and Enigmatic for the sigs.
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