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roquefort · 09-27-2024, 08:22 AM

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2x draft week

Hello friends. I am once again horrifically broke ignited with the passion of media creation, so I have returned for another rambling post.

Today we will take a look at SOME of the users from the upcoming S80 class and how likely I (Roquefort Cotswold) would be to best them in a fight. You may be asking: "Roquefort, how can you know your chances vs them in a fight?". It's a simple solution. I will read through their answers on the interested prospect post. I will look at their player size, weight, and render. I will look at their name, their background, I will make assumptions on their ferocity and mental fortitude - and above all else, I will destroy them.

I will be going down in order in which they've posted in the interested prospect thread, provide my assessment, give a rating of 1-100 on THEIR ODDS TO BEST ME IN A FIGHT. I will then summarize the rankings at the end of the post into a simple draft order for GMs to follow when the draft begins in a few days.

With that in mind, let's begin.

First off, WHAT ARE THEY UP AGAINST?

For those unfamiliar with Roquefort, I am a 5ft 150lb rat. That is a large rodent. I possess immense quickness in both body and mind. Imagine the deftness and ferocity of a 1ft rat - you wouldn't want to deal with that. Now imagine it 5x bigger, the size of a short yet sturdy highschooler. Terrifying, isn't it? With large RAT teeth meant to gnaw, and curled wicked claws - Roquefort has many weapons at his disposal. Many weapons that I intend to utilize upon the poor rookies of this class.

Now, his opposition.

First up we have @This Guy and his player "Mick Geno". Mick Geno is a first gen right wing coming out of Nova Scotia, Canada. At first glance you might see "Canadian" and think he's a softy - but further evaluation left me concerned. Given the option to travel back in time to ANY POINT in history, this sickened man chose to go back to the 1700s (why?) and be a hunter/gatherer - claiming he'd find this fulfilling. He just willingly volunteered to go back to one of the most horrific centuries in all of mankind's history to likely be on the wrong end of a Colonial bayonet. Brave, stupid, both? Next highlight was him mentioning his hobby of "contract speed runs on Hitman". I'm beginning to believe this man is a psychopath. Anyone who would spend hours of their day ironing out routines in the Hitman games (and thus, brutally murdering people) cannot be right in the head. After reading this, I was reconsidering fighting him at all. Nonetheless, the show must go on. Finally, I took a look at his player. Mick Geno is a meager 6'2" 197, which is not large enough to threaten agile Roquefort. What is threatening, however, is his render. Mick chose to be embodied by HAGRID from Harry Potter. Hagrid is a man of ill repute, with his large, barbaric body an undeniable threat to my livelihood. The thought of that goliath of a man wrapping his burly hands around me left me frightened once more.

Unfortunately for Mick, he had one poor answer. When asked "pork roll or taylor ham" he chose the objectively incorrect answer in "Pork Roll" which would ignite a deep rage in Roquefort Cotswold and his Jersey soul. This fervor would inspire Roquefort to fight to his last breath, making victory much more likely. Despite his psychotic tendencies, large burly body, and "hunter gatherer skills" - I think Roquefort stands a chance, though I give the edge to Mick.

Final rating: 75/100 - Mick by decision.

Next up is @Milexnc and his guy Carter Rumsy. Carter is a defenseman out of Fayetteville (NC, Arkansas?) who stands at a more impressive 6'4" 210. The gangly defenseman has quite a size advantage on dear Roquefort, with many long limbs for leverage. Carter is apparently deep into strategy games, which makes him sound physically feeble yet mentally calculating. When asked where in history Carter would travel to, he chose "2007" to play World of Warcraft's Burning Crusade launch. With this answer, I was certain I was dealing with a masochist. I knew that pain and suffering would not stop this man. Diving deeper into his responses, he mentioned a passion for "jiu jitsu" - aka floor fighting. The ground is an ocean, and he is a shark... or something like that. This meant that Roquefort would need to keep the fight on his feet, unlikely to survive a grappling exchange with the longer, more refined fighter. I see this matchup being one of finesse, with Carter looking for an opportunity to shoot a takedown on the smaller, stouter Rat. I see him having a struggle, with the rodent's tail offering as a counter to potential shots, as well as an "x-factor" in grappling exchanges. I think this one could go either way, but I'm leaning Roquefort to take it by decision.

Final rating: 49/100 - Carter just can't get it done within 3 rounds.

After Carter's middling performance we look to @Raf_TML and her player "Trent Mackenzie". Trent is an average 6'1" 205lbs, similar in size and stature to Mick. Unlike Mick, however, Trent is a goalie. This offers them additional protection within the ring, likely having significantly more padding and armor than your average player. Raf's interview was chill, lacking any major red flags or x-factors with her answers. The one that jumped out to me was her interest in "the evolution of american wartime aviation". You may ask: "Roquefort, how does this play into a MMA fight against a rat?". and to that I answer, it does not. I just found that interesting.

Unfortunately for Trent, they also picked wrong on the taylor ham/pork roll question, once again reigniting Roquefort's fury at another prospect. Despite lacking any notable combat skills or a serious physical advantage over our Rat hero, I see Roquefort struggling to handle the protection the goalie equips. I imagine this fight to be a draw, with Trent lacking the aggression to handle Roquefort, and the rat lacking the equipment to hurt the Goalie.

Final rating: 50/100 - stoppable force vs moveable object.

We next come across the Irishman, @JBeckQuest and his player "Quazon Broconchi" (what kind of Irish name is that?). Quazon follows the same trend of being just over 6ft and around 200 lbs. By now, Roquefort knows the body-type well. Upon review of his answers we find a man who would want to live in the Wild West, plays hockey, runs marathons, educates children, and is a master at chess. What a renaissance man of a prospect. Unfortunately he also draws out Roquefort's rage by saying pork roll. What is it with this class and their complete lack of culture and education? Painful. Anyways, there isn't too much to go off of here other than his general athleticism and clear intelligence. Unfortunately, neither of those will give you an edge over a 150lb rat. Roquefort by TKO.

Final rating: 40/100 - maybe you'd have better luck in a standoff.

After Quazon we find our first recreate of the class in @KenitohMenara and their player Drew McIntyre. Hailing out of Ayr, Scotland, we find a 6'5" 275lbs center - an absolute behemoth of a man. Not only that, but Drew is based off of the WWE wrestler of the same name, who within my research I found to be uh, terrifying. Despite his threatening build, Drew did not have very threatening answers to the questionnaire. Notably he is the first player to select "Taylor Ham" - the correct answer, when prompted. With this, Roquefort's rage subsides and Drew gains a mental edge in the fight.

Going off the fact that his player is Scottish, he hates the French, and he's nearly double Roquefort's weight class - I give Drew a strong bias in this fight. I see it playing similar to Oberyn vs the Mountain, where Roquefort attempts to dance outside of the threat range of the Scotsman, only to be caught off guard and overwhelmed by his sheer strength and brutish aggression.

Final rating: 90/100 - Drew McIntyre by KO

It is at this point that I ran out of time to thieve at work and must wrap it up. I will likely (no promises) return with a second edition with more prospects to judge. I end with our tentative power rankings with our limited roster.

#1 - Drew McIntyre, 90/100
#2 - Mick Geno, 75/100
#3 - Trent Mackenzie, 50/100
#4 - Carter Rumsy, 49/100
#5 - Quazon Broconchi, 40/100