<div align="center">GAME 14: HALIFAX RAIDERS 3 @ DETROIT FALCONS 4 (SO)
Game Link</div>

Welcome to Detroit, home of the Pre-Season Champion Falcons and a frightening amount of unnecessary violence, for todays SMJHL contest against the Halifax Raiders!

It’s the second meeting of the season between the two rivals, Halifax having defeated Detroit the game previous by a score of 3-1. It'll be the 2nd of 3 straight meetings between the bitter enemies this week.

Now for your starting lineups!

The hometown Detroit Falcons will start Hans Moleman, Nucky Toohots and Alex Berkis at forward, with 3rd Overall Pick and Actual Very Good Player BTW Jari Siinika and Prince Daniel James at defense. Jeremy Anderson will make his first start in net.

Halifax will start reigning 1st overall SHL draft pick and general stud Jean-Luc Reflieux in between promising prospects Pietra Volkova and Kip O’Callahan. On the blue line will be locker room leader and #1 Ranked Most Efficient SMJHL Player Blake Battle along with advanced stats darling and Assistant Captain Matthew Shea. Dick Chocolate will get the start.

On Halifax’s bench is the newly signed Georgette Pel. Pel was a highly revered free agent goaltender who has decided she would like to be part of the forthcoming Raiders legacy. She will watch from the bench tonight as she prepares for her eventual SMJHL debut.

We’re lining up for the opening faceoff. It’ll be Reflieux against Toohoots. Before the puck drops, Reflieux gets ALL UP in Toohoots face. He’s screaming bloody murder! Toohoots looked terrified, and turns to the referee for compassion, like a coward. The referee sympathizes and ejects Reflieux from the face off circle. Volkova will take the draw in his stead. Detroit wins the opening draw, but is unable to capitalize on it in any meaningful way, as Hans Moleman instantly gives the puck away to Matthew Shea.

Moleman will eventually recover the puck enough to get a clean look at Chocolate, but Battle dives in with a tremendous block to negate any chance of the shot making the net! Battle completely no-sells it and continues play, as though the shot wasn’t even very hard at all!

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Blake Battle is a great hockey player</div>

Fast forward to the 7 minute mark of the first, Detroit has some pressure in the Raiders zone. Rising Hippo puts a shot on net, but it misses wide. Marc Leclerc finds the rebound and puts a snap shot towards the top corner, but misses. Leclerc corrals the miss, and has a little pass around with Berzins and Metzler before… they completely give up on the play, throw it into the corner, and change lines.

We’re in the 12th minute, and Kaspar Berzins is serving time for a delaying the game penalty. Joey Ryan finds Raider Captain Colin Banning at the top of the circle, and Banning sees all around bestie Alex Reed camping out in front of the net. He gets him the puck and Reed puts it behind Anderson!

Next, it’s Edvar Berzins turn to serve, as he assaults Flower in the corner and earns himself a roughing call. Iversen grabs a loose puck at the side of the net after Lindstrom intentionally shot wide to get Anderson moving, and has an open net to deposit the puck for a 2-0 Raiders lead! It’s Iversen’s 1 career SMJHL goal!

We’re in the 2nd, and Detroit is applying pressure to a Halifax team that seems to be taking it a little too easy. Rising Hippo takes a big shot, and goes wide, but gets the puck back and, determined not to miss this time, throws all of his body weight into the shot. Chocolate reacts and gets the glove out, and… the puck goes through it! Rising Hippo has shot right through Chocolates glove! Halifax appeals the goal, but Referees remain adamant that they are not responsible for faulty equipment. Furthermore, as it was the only glove Chocolate had on him, he’s playing with it, all 3/4s torn up and shit.

Moments later, Brodangleshlang takes a hooking call, his second of the night, and the Raiders send out their PP team. Almost instantly, Banning finds Reflieux moving into the zone, and Battle opens himself up for the one timer! Pass to Battle and a bomb by Anderson! The Raiders are up 3-1 and the bench is going wild!

And… wait, are the Raiders actually celebrating? It looks like they’ve cracked open a case of beer on the bench! Banning seems to have whiskey in his water bottle, and tequila in his whiskey bottle? Reed Laing just hit the ice, but you have to imagine she’ll be thrilled when she returns. Dick Chocolate is throwing shade at the bench during short sips from his Game Day flask. I believe he’s a scotch man, but we’ll need to get confirmation on that.

Where did they get a disco ball from? This team is really, really enjoying themselves, in between shifts, and also a little during. Iversen appears to be DJing. The beer pong game is out of control, as Matty Shea is just schooling JLR. He’s made 7 of the last 8 shots, and shows no signs of letting up. Volkova is enjoying her 9th vodka rocks, but to be fair, she has been going since the game started and isn’t even on pace to set a new season high. If anything, she’s a little sour that she has to share.

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The Halifax Bench, basically</div>

Back on the ice, Detroit is throwing a bunch of pucks on net, all of which have been casually dismissed by Richard Chocolate until - suddenly - one wasn’t! Blake Battle blocks a Siinika shot in a heroic but mildly stumbling manner, and Siinika has a good look at his second chance and puts it behind Dick. It’s 3-2 and Halifax is.. Still partying, huh? What a bunch of heroes. Only one period left to hold this lead. Detroit is outshooting Halifax 24-11. Kip O’Callahan, Solaire Azarov and Ike Kaiser are in the stands schmoozing with some questionable looking Detroit women, but really, are there any other kind? Kaiser is missing his left sock and shin pad and his helmet is on backwards. Have to imagine that’ll affect his game.

Second minute of the third period and Detroit is bringing their A game on the stumbling drunk Raiders, which of course, is everyone else’s B game. Fenrir is in the box for tripping, having tried to claim an errant puck but instead swinging his stick 3 feet wide and clipping a skate. A lot of puck movement in the zone leading to a shot by Alex Berkis that is majestically blocked by total pro Viktor Lindstrom. Toohoots grabs the rebound and puts it past a surprised Dick Chocolate, who kind of assumed that they were just going to dump the puck and change again. The game is tied at 3, and it looks like the party is dying down a bit on the Raider bench as they realize there is 18 minutes to go in this game.

Thankfully, Halifax manages to get to the end of the third and allow only 12 more shots on Chocolate while generating little-to-no offense, but therewithin guarantee themselves a charity point, which is pretty good for a team who is slipping all over the ice because some of them aren’t noticing they have aluminum cans crushed and caught on the bottom of their blade.

Overtime is uneventful, as neither team is capable of even putting a shot on net. One out of inebriation, another out of lack of skill, so we’re headed to the steaming asshole of hockey, the Shootout!

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Pictured Above: Bullshit</div>

Long story short, the shootout is awful, as they always, always are, and after a number of attempts and goals by Moleman for Detroit and Issac Kaiser, Erik Muller comes in on the blocker side, fakes glove and slips it low behind the blocker, ending possibly the worst game in history and handing Detroit a pity win, their first such pity win of the seasson.

Nerokov was completely invisible. Anderson wins his debut, officially, but is it really a victory? Only on the scoresheet.

Your 3 Stars tonight were all generously given to hometown players James, Hippo and Siinika, all of whom are themselves celebrating after the game, like, you know, responsible adults.

The story of the game is the Power Play, as Halifax would connect 3 times to Detroit’s 2, although the real story of the game was the total indifference of the Raiders to the efforts of the Falcons.

Halifax will face Detroit tomorrow, and has vowed to get out of Detroit alive and find some chicken and waffles as soon as possible. All arrived safe, showing that the Falcons aren’t the only group not living up to expectations in Detroit.

Also, ha, the glove was a red herring, it had no bearing on the outcome!