One final time, the shot opened up with the Fox Sports One logo, and then panned back to reveal a mess of a set, specifically the reporting desk that looked like a bomb went off on it. Papers were everywhere, more food messes than you could count, and two half naked Canadians sat holding bottles of ‘the good stuff’, half empty. They looked around glazed over, and then finally Dan O’Toole shouted towards his long-time reporting partner, Jay Onrait.

Dan: I toooooooold you. I tooooooooold you this would make it better.

Jay: Lookee here though, I dooooon’t think that our friends with the SJMJHL LJH? –whassit? N-eways, I don’t think they’re gonna like this recap. I think yer drunk, Dan.

Dan: Nooooooope. I can still do that nose thing.

Dan missed his nose wildly and ended up poking himself in his own eye.

Jay: Clearly, were both a little inebrateddd, but lookee – we have a job to do. And do it we shall. Shull? Shaaaaaaaaaaall.

<div align="center">Game 94: Prince George Firebirds vs Halifax Raiders

Game Link</div>
Dan: It’s the flaming birds or something taking on the…er…Pirates? Ok look at all that ice, that looks cold.

Jay: I mean, if you wanted to mix up a few cocktails between periods, the ice is RIGHT THERE. That’s puuuuuurfect.

<b><div align="center">First Period</div></b>
Dan: Ok burds are quickly going to the PP, haha pee-pee, and this guy Eduard Sel-ishe? SEL-ISHE? Selicck? Anyways, he gets the basket in the bisket and PG is up one.

Jay: The president plays on this line?? Obrana?? Hah, that’s pretty patriot-ey but isn’t PG in Canada?? WHAT IS GOING ON.

<b><div align="center">1. Prince George Firebirds, Eduard Selich 5 (Tapper Kottbulle, Barak Obrana) at 3:12 (PP)

Prince George 1 - Halifax 0</div></b>
Dan: It’s really a shame that the Pirate-guys are down a goal after dominating in shots in the first. This goalie Waters, like the water-waters, is pretty good.

Jay: And the perfect addition to your glass of scotch.

<b><div align="center">Second Period</div></b>
Jay: I got this one – another pee-pee in the second and Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarl Huuuuuuuuuuurtzberg gets a quick goal from Tom Sellick and my main man, HUNKY MONKEY. Like – how amazing a name is that? This SHJSML is good league.

Dan: Seeeeee-Hocolate not doing so well in the other net, this might be an early night for him.

<b><div align="center">2. Prince George Firebirds, Karl Hertzberg 9 (Eduard Selich, Hunky Monkey) at 0:37 (PP)

Prince George 2 - Halifax 0</div></b>
Dan: aaaaaand later in this period, the burds are just owning possession and shots, and this one guy makes a sweet pass to this other guy who makes a sweet pass to this other guy, and his puts it through the fiver-hole.

Jay: Guys yeah. Look at these guys, KARL, SVEN, Hylie…Hylighter? Highlighter?? Is that the joke? Why is the R capitalized in his last name?? WHY IS THE HIGHLIGHTER NOT RETURNABLE???

<b><div align="center">3. Prince George Firebirds, Sven Wolf 9 (Hylytyr NoRetornable, Casper Jakobsson) at 16:21

Prince George 3 - Halifax 0</div></b>
Dan: Make it stop for the Pirates, the flamers get another goal – my main guy, Casper Jakobssen scores the top goal of the game. I give him my top star of approval for that shot.

Jay: Lookee Dan, you can’t just say flamers anymore. This is the twentieth century okay?

<b><div align="center">4. Prince George Firebirds, Casper Jakobsson 10 (Sven Wolf, Barak Obrana) at 17:16

Prince George 4 - Halifax 0</div></b>
Dan: PG crushed them that period. CRUSHED them. Like a PG-13 rated beatdown. And seeeeeeee-Hocolate gets the yank which I’m sure he’s fine with. Hell, why would any of them even want to come back for more?

Jay: I’d be drinking in that locker-room if I was the Pirates. Hell, I’ll have one or two for them right now.

<b><div align="center">Third Period</div></b>
Dan: I guess good on those guys for coming back out here, and they finally get rewarded for their bravery with a nice passing sequence and Toivo Kosonen notching his second of the season. Assists to our boys Reed and Banning!

Jay: That was almost coherent Dan, time for a top up.

Dan: I’m coherent?? You’re coherent!

<b><div align="center">5. Halifax Raiders, Toivo Kosonen 2 (Alex Reed, Colin Banning) at 11:13

Prince George 4 - Halifax 1</div></b>
They both pounded back a massive glass of scotch apiece.

Jay: God – it’s so warm. It’s like wrapping yourself in the bestest blanket fresh out of the oven. Oh yeah the game is over. Canada won.

<div align="center">Final Score
Prince George 4 - Halifax 1

Three Stars: 1. Sven Wolf (1G 1A) 2. Casper Jakobsson (1G 1A) 3. Ben Waters (21/22 – .955 SV%)</div>
Dan: Look I might be waaaaaaaasted here but did the winning team just scoop all three stars??

Jay: It’s all a blur to me but wow – it worked! The sim worked!

Dan: What a happy moment in our final game, I’m so glad we got to see-

Suddenly Dan threw up EVERYWHERE. And I mean, everywhere. On the table, on his chair, on the set, on the Fox Sports One logo – even splatters of bits and pieces hit Jay across the desk.

Jay: Well, I think our work here is done. For everyone here at FS1, we cannot tell you how pleased we were to work with the SJH…SML…S…the hockey thingy…and bring you highlights from some great games. I’m sure we won’t be invited back, but thank you for being our sponsor for one season.

Glancing over at his puke-stained, passed-out partner, he shrugged.

Jay: This is why we can’t have nice things, Dan.