You suck.

Player Name: Jack Tanner
Position/Player Type: Offensive Defenseman
Minor League Team: Montreal Militia

Know anyone on the team?

Bojo and the rest of the MTL crew.

OK with staying down for at least 2 more seasons?

Absolutely. I'd prefer to.

Do you use discord?

You could say that.

Need a big contract

$1 more than <a href='index.php?showuser=2761' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-10'>ConnorTanner</a> would be perfect.

State/Province?

Florida

Favorite NHL team:

Colorado Avalanche

Hobbies:

Hockey, other sports, reading, traveling.

We make a lot of gifs of our team in West Kendall. Please share a good gif we could convert in such a fashion.

After consulting my very large gif library (the largest, believe me) I've found one that suitably encapsulates Jaymay every time she loses to Montreal or WKP:



You're stuck on a desert island and you need to bring three users from the forum with you. Who do you pick?

Wally and 2 rookies.

How many hot dogs?

All.

Give me your best joke/pun. (Very important)

Not many people know this, but Mario, Luigi & Toad grew up together from their time as babies.

So, they were pretty familiar with each other.

As Toddlers, Mario & Luigi were typical brothers and liked all the stereotypical little boy things. Cars, trucks, getting dirty.

Not surprising they went on to become plumbers. But they did have to hang out with Toad, who they didn’t really like.

Toad was the little loser kid. Nose picker long after he should know better. Kind of smelly. Always wearing that stupid bloated beret.

Toad’s biggest vice was that he would eat anything. Especially paste, Crete paper, yarn. Just art supplies in general

He kept that habit for far too long. All the way through Jr high. As you can imagine, he was mocked mercilessly.

Mario & Luigi wanted to drop him as their friend, and avoided Toad as much as possible.

But their mom still made them be friends with him. Even when he hit puberty and started to stink

Finally, they get to High school. This is where they all met the princess.

She was disguised, of course, but she insisted on going to a regular high school. She wanted to meet the people.

So, first day of class, she gets seated next to Mario & Luigi. They strike up conversation, and their friendship clicks right away.

Well, this first period class happened to be Art class. Princess was quite a good artist, so she was excited

The teacher told them to pair up, they would be doing their first project in teams.

Mario & Luigi paired up. And most other kids had friends they paired with.

So Princess didn’t have a partner. Neither did Toad.

“Oh, I’m so sorry” Mario & Luigi told her. “Do not leave any bits of your project alone with him. He’ll chomp them down.”

Princess thought they were joking. In her sheltered life she never ran across weird kids who ate stuff.

(Nobles who had weird kids tended to find caretakers, rather than bring them around the royal family. )

Princess wanted to do a mosaic, so loser Toad went along.

Mario & Luigi decided to work in 4s, just to keep an eye on Toad. They knew what he was going to do.

Princess thought they were being paranoid, and a little bit of jerks.

Finally, as the deadline approached, Princess and Toad had all their pieces cut, and a pattern ready.

Mario & Luigi had procrastinated (they weren’t great students, kind of why they became plumbers)

So Mario & Luigi were unable to chaperone Princess and Toad for the last few nights of art.

Princess spent hours meticulously gluing every mosaic piece into order. All Toad had to do was provide a sheen

They came to class the next day, and Princess looks at the mosaic… and it’s missing a bunch of pieces.

Toad’s breath smelled like glue

“What the hell happened Toad?” she screamed.

Toad looked at her sheepishly. Mario & Luigi rolled their eyes. They knew. She did too.

She ran off, bawling.

“You’re the fucking worst, Toad” they told him as they went to find her.

Finally they found her and comforted her. “I thought you guys were joking. I didn’t think he’d eat my mosaic.”

"I Know you thought we were kidding" they said. "But we weren't;

Toad’ll eat clips of the art

(Unfortunately I can't take credit for that masterpiece as it's the work of noted twitter punmeister in chief Jibblescribbits.)