This is for forcing Noah to drag Tokek away from you, Troy. Tokek is HEAVY. While Noah has yet to fully hit his stride as a winger, Troy McClure III... doesn't even have a stride. I can only hope Troy has been playing with a broken stick, because he shoots that puck at 2 km/hr. Pretty sure the goalie could be out of the net, and all of the defensemen could have left the ice, and the period would probably end before his shot ended up in the back of the net.

Let's check goals and shooting percentage, shall we?

Noah Nowes - 2 Goals, 8.33 Shooting%

Troy McClure III - 0 Goals, 0.00 Shooting%

Oh, and let's not forget Troy would rather sit in the box than be on the ice. Which makes sense, as all he does on the ice is sit anyways. Must get cold when you're not actually moving around ever.

Noah Nowes - 6 PIM

Troy McClure III - 20 PIM

Anyways, now that those stats are out of the way, let's get into some equally important stats.

Name Creativity:

Noah Nowes - 100

Troy McClure III - The Third? Fucking REALLY? You can't even bring yourself to copy a name, you have to copy A COPY of a name. Actually shameful. "Oh yeah, I didn't care much about Troy McClure or Troy McClure Jr, but Troy McClure III? Now THAT'S a player!" - Said no one ever.

Intelligence:

Noah Nowes - 30 (+10)

Troy McClure III - 5 (-5)

Special Attack:

Noah Nowes - 150

Troy McClure III - 30

Heat Resistance:

Noah Nowes - 10

Troy McClure III - 0. He was born in ANTARCTICA.

Cup Size:

Noah Nowes -

Troy McClure III -

Final Verdict:

Noah Nowes - Not Guilty

Troy McClure III - Guilty

Court is adjourned.

359 Words
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