as an intro, I'd just like to say that the question in the title is purely rhetorical. At least when posed to you, because you don't have to answer it, I'm going to do that for you. But why answer it for you? Well, simply put, there are a lot of prospects out there. Originally the plan was to write an article detailing what goes into a goal scoring forward and ranking the prospects, but then it hit me. 1, there are a shit ton of prospects out there. Like, I got halfway through writing the article and then it was just too much, I was cutting out forwards to focus on the ones that excelled at one specific stat, but that still left me with over 50 skaters that I had to account for. 2, I don't know what makes a forward. I'm making a defence man for Pete's sake, why did I think judging forwards was a good idea? Well, as we know now, it wasn't. 

Because of all that research I did, I learned that it is difficult to sort through all of the important stats and learn about them in a meaningful way. With that in mind, I changed course from my original idea and am here to break down the stats of Voikka Toivanen, and why that means you desire the studly man.


(for reference here are all the stats, for those interested.
CK = Checking: 45
FG = Fighting: 25
DI = Discipline: 62
SK = Skating: 55
ST = Strength: 45
EN = Endurance: 45
DU = Durability: 50 (do not add TPE here, injuries are turned off) 
PH = Puck Handling: 60
FO = Face Offs: 45
PA = Passing: 70
SC = Scoring: 50
DF = Defense: 70
PS = Penalty Shot: 40)

(Also note, any and all mentions of Veikka Toivanen being a stud have not yet been fulfilled and are not serious. But he can be a stud, so keep that in mind)

The first stat on the list is checking. Now you'll notice this hasn't been touched much, if at all. The same goes for Fighting. The simple way to put this is, you're getting a gentle man in Veikka. He won't steal candy from a baby, by god all he'd want to do to a baby is take care of it for it's parents so they can have an honest to god break from having to raise a child. That's right, he's understanding, and he wouldn't hurt a fly, and that's why he doesn't need to play physical to lay defence. The checking isn't needed for him because he has a stick, and going against him and getting poke checked will be the nicest way you get stripped in your life, and you don't even have to pay for it. Why wouldn't you want to have this guy on your team?

Next up is discipline, and the second you see that number you know where this is going. This fine ass kid is disciplined as hell. You could find him misbehaving and he would get the belt out and spank himself with it. Mind you, he wouldn't be doing anything bad in the first place, but if somehow that preconceived notion of him being bad gets in your head, he doesn't min, he'll take it in stride and take the belt in stride too. You can't not want a disciplined stud to help your team out.

What's next? Oh that's right. Skating. His strength and endurance may not be all the way up there, but he doesn't need them. This. Kid. Has. Wheels. Do all of the GM's hear that? Yeah, he can skate. He'll zip zoom and zimmy all over the ice before the opponents can lay a finger on him. Veikka doesn't take no for an answer, he takes no answers, he takes skating lessons, and plays hockey.

Now here's the real money. The trio of money. You're dealing with a triad gang here, because this kids skills can kill. Puck Handling. Passing. Defense. Let me paint an image right here in your head. It's a 1 on 1. You and Veikka. You try to cut around him but he says no, and you're poke checked out of there. He picks up the pick, backhand, forehand, through the legs, you name it. He draws everyone in before backhand dishing it out to a teammate. I'm going to be real with you and say that probably won't happen, but it gets the point across. He can defend. He just knows where to be and how to shut down plays. He understands how to play the game. Next, he can protect the puck like it's a baby bird that he just saved from a snake. Yeah, good luck getting past these dangles and getting the puck off of him. And finally there is the passing. If there's a pass to be made, this man will see the open man and go for it. The second you're on him the pucks gone.

Otherwise, he will take the occasional shot, or he could poorly draw a face-off. The only thing you need to know is that Veikka Toivanen is meant for you.






Alright, with that aside, I'll break down what that text means. Basically, Veikka is a defensively responsible puck moving D-man. He'll shoot occasionally, but his main abilities are skating, passing, carrying the puck, and, of course, defending. Apart from all the exaggeration, this all holds true, and these are the reasons he'd make a great fit on any team.


-Mazatt