SHL-TMZ NEWS
(absolutely NOT fake news)

TOP 6 SMJHL DRAFTEE SCANDALS



1. FIRST OVERALL DRAFT PICK JAX AITTOKALLIO STILL WETS THE BED!




First round pick overall 18 years old rookie Jax Aittokallio is under scrutiny for a strange reason this week. For the past couple years it has been rumored that he was affected by an embarrassing sleeping disorder. Our team here at SHL-TMZ NEWS took the case.



Click here to read the article!




July 13th, 2018,

We spoke to young Mr. Aittokallio on the phone two nights ago and he denied these rumors. ''What is this non sense? I do not wet the bed! I never did! never! Don't call here again!'' is what he replied when we asked him if he had any trouble sleeping at all.

We were obviously not satisfied with the answer of a teenager. We thought he was lying or he was too embarrassed to tell the truth so we decided to call his parents to know more about the problem. To our greatest surprise Mrs. Aittokallio confirmed the long time rumors.

''I am so sick of hearing the same thing over and over again! Yes...YES! My son still wets the bed. Are you happy now? So what? It happens to everyone! everyone! The doctors says it's because he haven't been vaccinated but we will never vaccinate our son. Do you hear me? Never! The doctors are wrong! They are the devil! Please don't tell Jax''.

Case closed. Jax Aittokallio still wets the bed! Of course we won't tell @JayWhy ...

Fortunately, this story does not end here!

We met with Anchorage Armada general manager @ml002 and coach @spooked in the offices at their arena. We told them everything we had about the confirmed rumors and asked them if they regretted their decision of picking Jax with the highest pick of the draft. Luckily for us, both of them felt spectacularly talkative that day.

''We knew about this issue and we absolutely do not regret our choice. He's the best hockey player we could have and we're extremely happy with him. We created a budget just for our young superstar and we mobilised a team of three specialists in the medical field to help him control his... leaks.''

''However, we don't want young Jax to know about that, so please do not publish this. We want him to stay focused on hockey, not on his...leaks. This is off the record right?''

yes...yes it is, please continue i said.

''The three specialists in question will work in the shadow and will drop hints to Jax here and there, will put herbs and stuff in his food and things like that to help him out with his...leaks.''

''For the time being we'll just put pieces of newspaper under his bed sheets when we'll be sleeping in hotels while on the road. We'll pair him with a random 4th line player on the team to be his roommate and he will be tasked to throw the sheets away in the morning while Jax is in the shower or is gone for a morning run. He wont' suspect a thing and will keep his mind on hockey. Everything will be just fine, trust me, i got everything under control''

''Oh, one more thing. We'll also just do our best to keep him awake at night during long bus and airplane rides. We don't want to damage our newly acquired bus and private jet seats. We put aside some money but not THAT much.''

''Oh and please tell his mother to vaccinate her own son, for fuck sakes.''

The Anchorage Armada management team obviously wants to keep the rumors quiet. Jax Aittokallio is still in denial and will be kept that way until everything implodes. The secret team of health specialist have a huge task ahead and so does the random 4th line player. It will be interesting to see how this story will pan out!

Yours truly,
Mr. Faceoffs
SHL-TMZ NEWS

note: this is fiction, obviously.

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2. Leshaun King ( @King ) took off his skate to hit a fan during a preseason game!
3. Max Mauldin ( @Wasty ) Takes showers with his underwear!
4. Crush Cile Shat ( @Wally ) shat his pants during the national anthem!
5. Goku Muerto ( @Muerto ) wore a jock strap under his suit to make his crotch look bigger during the draft!
6. Eero Niemi ( @spooked ) had an affair with a goat!
7. AND/OR MORE!