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Mazatt · 08-16-2018, 02:58 AM

Part One:

The Cellies

Scoring goals is a part of the game. What happens after that is even more apart of the game. The celly. What is the weirdest celly you've ever seen on the ice, either from a teammate, an opponent, or yourself?

Written: Describe (in detail) the mechanics of the celebration you witnessed, who performed it, and give it an out of 10 rating based on how you felt after witnessing it. Make it at least 150 words

Graphic: Create a photo of an SMJHL skater doing a celebration. Be sure to include labels to show how this skater got into the position he is in now, and what those limbs are doing.

Part Two

Hit Piece:

Treasure or Trash?

With the season coming to a close we have seen some great players come out of the wood works and make a name for themselves. Hell, we've seen some rookies come out and make a splash. Guys like Kevin Kazarian, Eero Niemi, Gvidas Kazlauskas, Wolfhard Richter, Leshaun King, Vladislav Konstantin, Adam Taylor, and Luke Thomason were all some of the highest scoring rookies for their teams.

Being a rookie is no excuse. You gotta be good at hockey. So this begs the question, why did the Militia waste a fourth round pick on Veikka Toivanen? He cannot score. He has scored one goal over 50 games. One. Goal. This puts his shooting percentage at a measly 6.67%. In a game all about scoring goals, this player does very little of that. Compared to his teamates? Well, he got the same amount of goals as Stephen Wormster. For reference, Wormster was on the fourth defensive pairing and averaged two less minutes a game. What else did Wormster do better than Toivanen? He got hit less, hit more, and blocked more shots. He also had a higher shooting percentage.

If his play wasn't bad enough, let's look at his attitude. It is easy to see how childish he is on the ice. He had 22 PIM in the season, and during a game against the Halifax Raiders (in which they lost 3-1) Toivanen was seen on the bench, kicking at the boards and presumably mouthing off to a teammate. What a baby! And in the very next game he goes ahead and slashes a Detroit Falcon player violently. That play was suspension worthy, but the play didn't give him a call because they felt bad about how they kept televising his terrible play.

Off the ice he isn't any better. We have witnessed and can account for several incidents Toivanen has been involved in. After a tight win, the Militia were going to go out as a team to grab poutine. Toivanen? He slipped away. Not only is this man a penalty fiend and an all around rat, he isn't accountable off the ice either! He was also seen in an altercation with head coach of the Militia, where heated words were said, and Toivanen left like a little kid who got refused candy. Wake up bucko! Not everything is sunshine and roses! It's about time Toivanen buckled up, sat down, and put on some big boy pants because he needs to know what real life is like. I haven't even talked about his worse offence yet. What is it, you may ask? I'll tell ya. That scumbag Toivanen doesn't know french. For someone who wants to make it the SHL his lack of commitment to his teams location and the city is a downright scandal that is forgotten about too often.

For all of the GM's of big SHL teams, take a look at this. Toivanen is a cancer in the locker room, a selfish human being, and an overall terrible player. It isn't even worth it to use your last draft pick on him. If someone was holding a gun to your head and said you had to pick this lazy lout, or die, I'd rather die. I would rather be killed than have to pay Toivanen a cent for his self-centred play, or a face that would scare his own mother dead! Take this as a warning. Do not draft or sign Toivanen, or you will regret it. You do not have to deal with this absolute piece of trash.

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