5. Nickolas Klaus ©. Who wouldn't want to have the chance to play with the top-scoring center in the SMJHL? This is a choice that only makes sense, frankly. So what if Cloutier lost a face-off to him once because he was distracted by his face? That's not a thing. Klaus is just good at hockey. That's all.

4. Jimmy Slothface (W). His name might be Slothface, but he looks nothing like a sloth. Not that Cloutier was, like, looking at him.

3. Aleksi O'Koivu-Volkova (G). If asked, Cloutier would freely admit to thinking Anastasia O'Koivu is a good-looking woman AND a great hockey player who could easily kick your ass. If asked, Cloutier would say he's into that kind of thing. Strong ladies, you know? They're great. No comment about his opinion of her twin brother...

2. Nikolai Evans (D). Cloutier had the chance to play with Evans on Team World pre-SMJHL draft, and despite Evans' abrasive personality, Cloutier liked him well enough... for reasons. He'd be down to play with him again. Because hockey. Yeah, definitely. Hockey.

1. Dominic Montgomery (D). Cloutier may or may not have a picture of Montgomery on his phone (through genuinely reasonable and not-creepy circumstances). Does he think about that picture too often? No, he only thinks about how Montgomery is a good defenceman whom Cloutier's good friend Leo Lockhart speaks highly of. That's all. Sexy flow who? Cute smile where?