The SHL seems like a wonderful place,
But I can't help feeling alone.
Togetherness mixed with derision
Puts steel walls in this online home.

I don't care enough, I can't care too much,
And there's very little room in between.
The hypocrisy, nitpicking, ego trips
Are the weirdest I've ever seen.

Every player checks the same index,
Every player looks at their own sheet.
Every player posts things that we can all view,
But those views never have to meet.

That lets people create narratives,
But it also lets them hide.
It makes people think that their shit doesn't stink,
As it never asks questions inside.

The SHL seems like a wonderful place,
But I can't help feeling alone.
I'm extremely fucking sensitive,
So watch your fucking awful tone.

Don't post about that, the offseason's too long,
He should never be un-banned.
Can the goddamn Discipline Committee
Afford another season un-manned?

Oh wow, look at my player,
He should really earn an award.
Combine that with my media,
I surely can't be bored!

Just a few more press releases,
Just a few more TPE,
Then my GM and my teammates
Will be posting about me.

The SHL seems like a wonderful place,
But I can't help feeling alone.
I wish that someone in this league
Would call me on the phone.

Making up this player's interesting,
And writing about him is fun, but
The facade of fitting in is lost;
Isolation has won.

400-something chambers,
Most of us are separate.
When inside jokes are the only ones,
It makes some people desperate.

It's easy to have references,
It's a pain to be a meme.
It's easy to act like things are alright
When you're on a winning team.

The SHL seems like a wonderful place
But I can't help feeling alone.
It's my largest group of friends
That I've never, ever known.