The day it happened was like any other day of training camp...at first.  I woke up early to eat my two loaves of bread, three bananas, pound of bacon, 10 eggs scrambled, and drink my gallon of whole milk just like I do before I start every day. Only this time, I forgot that coach moved the start of practice to one hour before the usual time.  I only realized this as the last drop of milk hit my tongue and it clicked, I was going to be late.  I rushed to get all my pads, sticks, and my skates situated then ran to my car and sped to the rink.  As I sprinted to the locker room and busted through the door, I felt immense relief as I had arrived just in enough time to quickly suit up and take the ice with the boys.

We were working on conditioning drills before a much needed water break when I felt something weird.  My stomach started to rumble and I realized I was going to shit my pants if I didn’t get to the bathroom immediately.  The dairy was NOT sitting well as I did not have enough time to digest before being thrown into conditioning drills. 

After flushing all my impurities down the toilet and saying a quick prayer to Odin, I went back to my locker area to grab the gallon of pickle juice I usually keep in my bag to help with cramps.  I looked and looked, even emptying my bag and it was nowhere to be found.  I figured I must’ve forgotten it this morning in my rush to get to the rink.

As I walked back to the ice, I got a great view of Edward Williams throwing up on the bench as the rest of the team was cursing up a storm.  I thought “Damn boys are we really this out of shape after doing our morning conditioning?”.

I grabbed a water bottle from a trainer before thinking about it too much, and what I tasted was not water.  No, it was the delicious salty brine that I had been looking for.  It was my pickle juice, and we had a juice thief on our hands.  I have my suspicions of who it is, I know I see Zoltan Topalo eyeing my pickle juice every practice.