1021 Words
Ready for grading

Relocations and rebrands seem to be trending up over the past few seasons. It just seems like it is more frequent than it used to be. Storied franchises like the Montreal Impact/Militia and Halifax Raiders are now relics of the past. Replaced by Kraken and Timber. Lethbridge, a relatively newer franchise, had barely finished painting their locker room before moving and becoming the Beserkers. These relocations have been met with heavy criticism by some, jokes and memes by others, and indifference by most. I am not here to criticize or support these moves. I’m just here to make money (eventually). But aside from that, this is a weird trend that warrants a little commentary.

It seems to me, at least through the commentary I have read, that when a new GM comes in they want to put their own personal stamp on a franchise. Some teams will update color schemes and logos which is fairly normal and keeps the league modern and fresh similar to real leagues. Some GMs come in and just decide to relocate the team and change everything. The reasons given for this vary but it seems like the team will have a culture of losing or have limited to no success for a long period of time. So they move as if that will change their fortune. I have to admit there have been times where I have felt Simon T wrote a hidden code in the sim that said “No matter what, fuck Halifax.”

While these relocations are virtually harmless and don’t actually change anything about the talent on the team, it still seems like an odd priority. Graphics and names as opposed to building a better team. I know that no self-respecting GM would ever say that relocation is their priority so please spare us that response. But perception is a real thing and it is certainly perceived that this is the first priority of many GMs. I know for a fact I am not alone in that line of thinking but I don’t post Discord screencaps.

I know that if I was ever the GM of a team, something I have absolutely no desire to do in the foreseeable future nor would I ever be approved to be one, my first priority would be to get good. Changing colors and mascots and cities is just fluff. I would evaluate talent and come up with a five season plan. Who do I have? Who can I get? How is my salary cap? How is my prospect pool? How are my draft picks looking? Can I make any trades? My first question would not be “Orange or blue? Timber or Eskimo?” I realize I am just an outsider looking in and I am content to stay that way.

While I would never propose stopping these moves as they have to be approved by peers and people of power, I would suggest pumping the brakes on them or at least put a few restrictions in the way. Nothing life-altering but some realistic hurdles. Now I already know what’s coming so again, please spare us. “This is a fake league on the internet where everything is made up. Who cares? It’s not realistic anyway.” That is a fair point but do we not have contracts, salary caps, drafts, regression, suspensions, and many other features that make this more realistic? Yes, we do. So that is a bad counter. Don’t use it.

First, I would make a GM be in place five seasons prior to relocation. The relocation and rebranding can be approved during their fourth season in charge and they can move and change after their fifth season. When I say relocation and rebrand, I don’t mean changing logos or team colors. If Texas wants to change their colors to blue and gold and change their logo but still be the Texas Renegades, that can be done during any offseason. But if Texas wanted to become the Texas Muppets, dankoa would have to GM for five years before making the change. Relocation would be the same.

Next, top teams cannot relocate or rebrand. You have to finish in the bottom half of your league (SMJHL) or miss the playoffs (SHL) three seasons in a row. Then approval in the fourth season, do your thing in the fifth. If you somehow manage to win a championship in the fourth of fifth season, you can still do your thing. Montreal was more of an outlier when they won the Four Star and then moved to Carolina.

Next, and this one will be controversial, the GM must spend their own money to relocate or rebrand. They should be separate charges. If you want to change your name or mascot or colors, that is one price. If you want to change location, that is another hefty price. It should not be cheap. I would say a rebrand should be $20 million and a relocation should be $40 million. Those are just spitball numbers. Prices could be lower for Junior teams but still hefty. I haven’t looked at the average GMs bank account so that can be adjusted to the median. This is not to punish but rather deter this from being on the to-do list for new GMs.

I have no real dog in this fight as I will play my ass off for the Renegades, Whalers, Timber, Kraken, whoever I wind up with. But I have just noticed it happening a bit more frequently and while it isn’t hurting anything other than “our memories” I don’t think it should happen as much. If it is to happen, it should come at a price. I doubt anything will be cracked down on as we have way bigger things to worry about this season, but I definitely think this warrants some discussion by the important people.

I understand that it is fake but we don’t skirt the realism in other areas, why do it with something like this? But what do I know? Until next time. Be well.