I'm gonna level with you I have absolutely no idea who would be the top team so I'm just going to say that it will be the New Orleans Specters because my allegiances are to this team now. Why? Because we are incredibly spooky and also I've recently learned that the NOLA jerseys are an absolutely blinding shade of purple and now I don't know how teams possibly play against this team without going blind and seeing stars. It's really impressive. I think we can really capitalize on that, we just need the fans to, like, bring mirrors to the arenas to reflect the blinding purple from the stands and the jerseys onto the ice and the other team won't know what the fuck hit them. It'll be more effective for home games but might still work on the road, so we should have a solid win/loss ratio and definitely top the league.


The one thing I really like about FHM is that we get to track giveaways and takeaways and so being a defensive defenceman might actually fucking mean something! Irrelevant to me now, but Mia Landvik would have appreciated it if the league had put some respeck on her name for her individual play like... once. (That time she scored points in her retiring season does NOT count.) The league can make it up to her by naming an award for being really good at gooning AND defending after her. Who would have won it this season? I have absolutely no idea but I guess I'll look at the league stats just this once. Congratulations, Collin Gibbles of the Minnesota, um, Chiefs for your league-leading 51 takeaways. Then again, you only had 4 hits, so never mind, Geoff Moore of the West Kendall Platoon had 49 takeaways and 185 hits, which is MUCH more like it.


This is the first I'm learning of all 14 teams in IIHF being in one group and I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it??? Seems a little weird compared to real life, but who cares, really, since this is a fake league with fake shit. We can do what we want. Besides, like, whatever, Team Great Britain is going to win gold again, so it doesn't matter. We have a strong as fuck tradition of yelling in the locker room about not having any lines, and everyone knows that kind of passion and disregard at the same time results in championships. Besides, any team with the squad that is Montgomery/Slothface/Cloutier on it HAS to win gold. This is a scientific fact that I made up just now. We have other players on the team too but I don't remember any of their names right this second, whoops.


Flacko Lagerfield is undoubtedly the best player in this series because a) I know who he is, and b) I still had the seasons stats open and 71 points is fucking insane? What the fuck? Are these the kind of points that FHM results in? I should really pay more attention what the fuck.


Once again knowing nothing about FHM, I will give the edge to Edmonton with their speed and acceleration because it seems logical that if you zip zip real fast past players on the other team, how strong and balanced they are will not matter because they can't keep up with you. Do not @ me.


Here is my fantasy team:
F - Sophia Bennett
F - James Truong
F - Dale Miller
D - Samuel Michaud
D - Brady McIntyre
G - Emiko Spector

This team is fully based on which players on these teams have the most boring, normal sounding names. Because this is all fake, that was much harder to create a team out of than a team of whack names, so.


Being myself born in Edmonton and raised not too far from the same, I do like snow. I don't LOVE it, other than maybe the thrill of the first snowfall and if it's particularly pretty, but I appreciate it and am much more used to freezing my ass off than I would be to a hotter climate, so.


verification word: blue