In real life, Tokolosh went to a fortune teller, who was able to predict the regular season award winners. He was instructed to not share this secret with anyone, else the future would revert back to chaos. Julio filled out his preseason form and submitted it but didn’t tell anyone. A handful of peers around the league noticed his and copied it, though. In the reality that I’m writing about, Tokolosh’s predictions were noticed only by his teammates, and the 17 person roster experienced a 68 uncapped (it mattered then) TPE jump, giving them the juice to defeat Hamilton in the championship. Just 4 extra per person wouldn’t have been a ton, but it all could have brought the team’s universal 5 in fighting up to a 7, and then we could have kicked @Gwdjohnson ‘s ass and gotten him off of his game so that he didnt crush us with a historic game rating.


I believe New England and Hamilton are going to battle it out in the conference finals again. With top coaching, leadership, and front office decision makers, both are primed to come in with major tweaks to smaller role players that will give them a specific edge over their growing rival. There is some high TPE depth on both rosters, and I predict that their management will commit the time to learn how to use a lower tpe player as 4th line / power play specialist. It might not be the active players, but perhaps redistributing the inactives in a very team friendly way. Both seem to already have a good understanding of tactics and lines, as the entire first page of the statistics index starts with HAM or NEW. Taking notes on how these two titans duke it out over the next few seasons is going to do a lot to establish the meta and team structure for the coming era.


FR Finn-Rhys @FinnRhys is the future. He comes from one of the greatest defensive paths of all time. Studying under Cassius Darrow, Gary Grease, and Troy McClure in Colorado set young Finn Rhys (spelled without the hyphen to juice the word count) on the path towards stardom. In Edmonton, Brady McIntyre, Karlstra~e Scholz, and Tor Tuck are all monsters. Under their tutelage, Finn Rhys will be able to mold a dominant player. I hope that he gets some players to develop alongside of. In a few seasons when Finn Rhys is passing those guys as they regress, the transition will be seamless and he will have the Edmonton defensive throne to himself. The King in the North!


I’ve got a few, so I’ll just rattle them off. I’ve been private messaging HO and awards committee every day, but they haven’t gotten back to me. I think they are still discussing things internally.
Julio Tokolosh Award: Given to the forward with higher passing than shooting, who during the regular season spent more than 90% of his or her ice time with multiple goal scorers on the same line, finishes 50th or worse in assists at the end of the year, the linemates combine for 50 or more goals, and at least one of them is top 5 on the site in TPE, and the player must be in the top 3 skaters for time on ice. This trophy is awarded to the most useless player who needs build help. Please, if you’re still reading this I need build help. @hotdog , pls, your build, I crave it.
Julio Tokolosh Award Part 2: This one was co-named by his wife, but her idea was closer to “The Don’t Be Such A Hesitant Loser. Just Make A Decision. Try Something In Your Goddamn Life For Once. Take A Risk. Don’t Be Such a Bitch About Everything. You Pussy-Foot Around Everything And Then Bitch About It Like It’s Some Anomaly And You’re The Victim. Grow Up!”. The award goes to the forward with the best take-away / give-away ratio, but only if he or she meets the qualifications of the first part of the Julio Tokolosh award, or is narcissistic enough to try and name two awards after himself. This would be awarded to Cameron Carter II.


As a player-coach of the Edmonton Blizzard, Tony Pepperoni wanted to take a lower salary in order to surround himself with elite defensemen, a cow, and a rookie. With his budgetary restrictions established by the team’s needs, Tommy wanted something in his contract to control and sought something that still had value. Intermission entertainment is where he landed. During the regular season, Tony would skip the intermissions and stay on the bench in order to judge the ongoing talent show. He would take a pen and pad and score each act. Mites on ice, bumper racing, long-range accuracy, and everything else were shown until the last week of the season when Tommy saw the best act, prompting him to cancel the tournament so that the winner could hone the act before the postseason. The act, of course, was hockey cats. The whimsical cross-over event of Disney’s Mighty Duck’s franchise and the tales of Andrew Lloyd Weber’s jellicle cats.
I like that "jellicle" isn't a word according to Grammarly. Yea, you'd think this would be written better because I use grammarly.


With the resurgence of the Jurassic Park franchise (written by the same guy that came up with Westworld. I wonder what other ‘theme park fiction’ this guy can think of), Julio has a small role as a feeder cow in the to-be-announced film. Johnny Hamilton is out of work, so his agent, @hhh81 set up the cow with some of his Hollywood connections. “As a Colorado Raptors alumn, this is something that I’m very familiar with.” Chris Pratt had not heard of the simulated hockey star and offered a canned response about how it is great to have him on set. It will be a short cameo, where Julio will be trussed up and fed to whatever they imagine is bigger and cooler than a T-Rex. “Cameos are signs of greatness. I was really inspired by Aaron Rodgers’ death in ‘Game of Thrones’ and St4rface’s role as the stool in ‘Million Dollar Baby’. It’s going to be a blast!”


A - Brady McIntyre is the grand poobah. He is almost guaranteed a 100 defensive game rating and has been the shutdown daddy all postseason. Kryyst has also been very hot, evidenced by his literal hotness rating (shown with icons on the app/engine), and by shutting down the high powered New England offense, after sweeping the high scoring Viktor Marius.
B - My gut says that speed and skating wins the game. But balance is very skating related, and hearing horror stories on spittin chiclets (the little sister program of simmin chiclets) about players get trolled for spending too much lying on the ice (as opposed to skating on it), I’m torn. My gut’s gut tells me that Hamilton did many many test sims
C - My first forward would be Tony Pepperoni, who gets the job done in fantasy and on the real simulated ice. He’s a balanced player who meshes with every setup. My second forward would be Robert Phelps; less dynamic than Tony, but effective where he needs to be. He’s in his 40th season and still getting the job done. I would like that consistency. My last forward would be Flacko Lagerfield. The guy (assuming flacko is a “guy’s” name) has done the job at every location in every position, and nothing has slowed him down. He’s another older player, so maybe that's just my type. Brady McIntyre and Karlsta~e Scholz are my two D-People. I thank them in the locker room but not as much as I should. I love both my goalies in EDM, but kryyst is so buttery smooth. i trade down and take any of the three.
D - Yes, I like snow. It can really kick off a party or take a night out to the next level, or really keep things going after a heavy thanksgiving meal, or help you stay alert during church. But I like snow outside of the ziploc in my wallet as well. I’m a cold weather guy, and its much easier to warm up with an extra layer than it is to be super sweaty and gross in the summer. Wearing a quarterzip to the bar will usually suffice, its not like you’re going to an outdoor restaurant when it’s snowing.


go blizz