1. Written, 3 TPE (150 words min.)
Reflection on your season - how did your player fare on the ice this season? Did you meet or surpass your individual player goals or did you come up short? Whether you excelled or disappointed - what can you attribute that to? What will you try to do better next season?

Well my friends. Let’s take a quick little look at my base numbers. 3 goals? 10 points? 3/7 in fights? Well I have to say that this season was complete trash. After my team trading a 1st round pick for me I thought they cared. Nope JNH just wanted me to witheraway into nothing on the 4th line. I 100% attribute my terrible season to JNH. Did you know he drafted me to the Chicago team just so I could sit in junior for as long as possible and do nothing?

Then something magical happened. It is not documented very well on paper but… I found out, not through JNH, that I was allowed to gain weight! This completely revolutionized my year. Yes my regular season was terrible but in the playoffs I managed to put on 120lbs and at 300lbs I am undefeated in psychical altercations! I know now that I will do much better next season and win all my fights. (163 words)


2. Written, 3 TPE (150 words min.)
This offseason will be extra exciting, as it features the rare expansion draft! Write about how you think the expansion draft will play out, either for one or both of the expansion teams or from an SHL team's perspective.

The expansion draft is pointless. There are no good players left available and both teams will enjoy being terrible for many years. That is how it will play out. From other team’s perspectives you really see how they feel about having the league succeed in new markets. They could not care less. They want to keep all their toys and let everyone else starve. The only teams that will be happy are teams with General Managers who will take advantage of the situation to let go of problem locker room people without having to actually really address them. Cowards.

Mainly I’m very disappointing with the amount of draft years that are being protected. All prospects are virtually being saved for the existing teams. So all these guys, like me, that are being kept down in juniors by evil Gms do not have a chance to play on the bad expansion teams because the established teams are greedy. (157 Words)


3. Written, 2 TPE (100 words min.)
It's too late for this go-around of expansion, so hypothetically - should there be SHL franchises in other continents? I saw some interesting European proposals in the PT. Should these - or proposals for any other continent that's not North America -
become a reality in the SHL?

No. The SHL should not expand internationally. It is silly to expand overseas it breaks any sense of realism in the SHL. Actually we should be expanding into the cities where we have SMJHL teams and return to the NWJHL. Only have teams from the NW of North America in junior. Small rural communities. That is the roots of SHL and we should get back to it. Not expand overseas to the predictable places.

Until we have teams in Alberquerque, Baton Rouge (COME ON THE BATON ROUGE RED STICKS), Regina and Salt Lake City…. To name a few…. We cannot leave our continent. (103 words)


4. Written, 2 TPE (100 words min.)
Which SHL or SMJHL team was the best team to not make the finals this season and why?

The Hamilton Steelhawks. Honestly they have had such a rich history. They consistently challenge for the championship year in and year out. Given this history of success I find it shocking that they do not perennially make the finals. I remember when I was a kid I thought that the whole league would play against eachother to see who faced Hamilton in the finals. Their goalie is very good at stopping pucks they have a quality top four and a dedicated forward core. Plus that ever important winning culture that true championship teams have. All the things you need for a great playoff push! (104 words)


5. Written, 3 TPE (150 words min.)
What are your predictions for the upcoming IIHF or WJC tournament? What team do you think will win/surprise people/be bad/etc.?

I think that Team World will be a major surprise at the upcoming WJC tournament. Mainly because lots of people are not joining the team this season… which means it will be the Niccolo Livius show. People will be surprised because we will not be terrible. They will see just how valuable a 300lb screening punching machine really is to a team when he is being strangled by management on the fourth line. The management of Team World are classy folk who are dedicated to the cause. Because of this they will use me well and I believe that I Niccolo Livius will lead the Team World in scoring, fights and PIMs. We will do well in the playoffs and everyone will be shocked because they think I can just punch but I can play too! The only thing that will not surprise people is that I will not get very many assists because well… I do not carry the puck or pass really. (Words: 162)


6. Written, 2 TPE (100 words min.) The world's hottest app is TikTok - which SHL or SMJHL player would have the biggest following on TikTok? What do they post there?

Honestly I would follow me on TikTok. Because I do not post anything on this ridiculous App. I do not even really know what it is. I have an account because it is in my contract now because JNH is a terrible GM who forces unpaid junior players to do media to attract sponsors so he can fund his addiction to purchasing used brony tootoos. Why follow someone who does not post things on a app that rots your brain? Because then you get off faster. Only follow me. It is the secret to not wasting your life. It wasn’t even that good a song. (words: 105)



13. Written, up to 4 TPE Pick up to 4 Challenge Cup related topics to write about! Each topic is worth 1 TPE. Each answer must be 50+ words.
a. Both of these teams have stacked defenses - which team do you think has the defensive advantage in this series?

Simple that advantage is in favour of the Newfoundland Berzerkers. That is because of Niccolo Livius. Why? He is a forward? This is trivial and does not matter. Livius will fight their D-Men and they will have less D-Men to play. That is why Newfoundland’s d is better, they will actually play. (52 words)

b. In the two regular season matchups, each team won once at home. Do you expect the results to reflect a home ice advantage in this series?

No. I believe that the regular season results do not matter anymore. Niccolo Livius weights 120lbs more than he did in those games. This is the game breaking factor that cannot be measured in TPE. The other team will simply fall beneath the weight of my fists. Fall and crack on the ice like cheap IKEA furniture. (57 words)

c. Based on FHM player ratings, New Orleans has higher average ratings in bravery, aggression, and fighting? Will that toughness have any impact on this series?

The problem for New Orleans is that they do not have the bravest, most aggressive best fighter in the series. That is me. Yes it will matter because they think they are brave. They will try to fight me. They will try to challenge me in front of their goalie. All that will be left is their bones for the carrion birds to pick at. Silly question. (67 words)

d. What is your favorite name from a player appearing in this series? Why do you like that player's name?

Niccolo Livius. It is my name. Niccolo for the great diplomat and political advisor Niccolo Machiavelli. He knew that a true prince needed to constantly be training for combat. To be a strong leader you had to fight. I fight. My namesake is stronger than the namesakes of all others that is why it is the best. If you do not like the best you are silly. (67 words)

e. There are several animal names in this series - which of these animals is the coolest? sloth, hippo, otter, monkey, fox, kirby.

Niccolo Livius is the only real animal in this series. He fights and draws blood. He is the true animal. He stands in front of the goalie. They cannot move him. If they try… he defends his territory like a viscous animal. Those things you speak of are not animals they are play things. The real animal is Niccolo Livius. (60 words)