If the Quebec City Citadelles had a battle royale, there are few players that can be written off right away. There's Tyler Cannon, who nobody has ever actually met; Tres Sombreros who would show up hammered after polishing a two sixer of tequila; and Jonas Caspari who I'm pretty sure is a friendly ghost (or is that Casper?). The players I would put a few players in a tier above this for the simple reason that I can't really think of anything to write for them: Brian Davenport, Mikael Koskinen, Jari Heikkenen, William Salming, Kev Kevens, Jasper Maximov, Zdenko Beranek, Jst Maro, and Yuuto Kira Cloudera Jr. This leaves us with Mew Two, who is an obvious favourite given his psychic powers; Bjørn Jakobsen, who can use the power of the ø to call in his viking ancestors; Tyler Ward, who is the fighting goalie; Igor Petrov, Boris Petrov, and Teylora Petrov, who would team up at the beginning; Stan Q. Next, who is literally Ariana Grande; Ryan Rieley, who has a bond with Boris Petrov as his rookie season bash bro, and Mat Smith, yours truely. Just kidding, I would die immediately, probably in a dumb way like falling out of a tree onto a wolverine. Surprisingly, Boris Petrov would get eliminated first, since he would get turned on by Igor, Teylora, and Ryan Rieley after he couldn't choose who he wanted to ally with. This leaves the Petrovs without their best fighter though and Rieley without his big bash bro. After Boris is defeated, the remaining Petrovs immediately go after Rieley, eliminating him next. Ward sees that the two Petrovs are tired from their fights and leaps on the opportunity to make his mark (in their faces), double punching both of them at the same time. Meanwhile Mew Two and Bjørn Jakobsen, backed by his army of angry vikings, decide to go after each other, both seeing each other as the biggest competition. Mew Two starts using his mind powers to throw some vikings 100 feet in the air, and seeing this Bjørn Jakobsen throws his sword at Mew Two's head. He sees it though, and redirects it in a different direction, inadvertently catching Tyler Ward in the back right after he defeated the Petrovs, in an image reminiscent of Allan Walsh's picture of Marc-Andre Fleury with the DeBoer sword in his back. Mew Two ends up making quick work of the rest of the vikings, using all their bodies to crush Bjørn Jakobsen last. He then decides that he has to be mysterious because he's Mew Two, and so he flies away from the battlefield, resulting in a disqualification. This leaves only Stan Q. Next as the champion, who had spent the half the battle frolicking through dandelion fields, and the other half watching a salamander that he found and shouting every so often "guys you've gotta come see this," and "seriously come look at this."