Breaking down the Sonic Warfare Landscape:
The SHL’s transition to the FHM has been full of bumps and pitfalls. From understanding that stamina was now essential to the innovation and perfection of the Goal song. The goal song is a team's way to capitalize on a home-team advantage through sonic weaponry. Quickly the league learned of the psychological benefits of having a quick, snappy, and relevant goal song. Current schools of thought regarding how to structure a goal song vary: from being a literal mind weapon to enrage your opponents to having a rallying cry that encourages the home fans and the team to keep pushing. There are a multitude of approaches that will be covered and although these same techniques extend out to the international and junior teams that are capitalizing on the art of goal song warfare, I will only be covering the techniques used by teams in the SHL. Join me! We go on an adventure through acoustic heaven and noise-based hell, as we rank the goal songs in this league we call home. 

Grading scale:
So for all you poindexters, we have some method to our madness. We will be using some sort of a rubric. I can throw away or change the rubric at any time, I control the rules and this is my power trip, you should be thankful for a glimpse into my arcane sciences, lest you be confused, remember that you are simpleton and this is the work of grander beings. Without further ado:

X: Does that shit slap [0-5] 
A: How good is the edit of the song for FHM [0-3]
Z: Is it annoying [0.5 - 0.9] (inverse values, more annoying/closer to 0.5)
Y: Relevancy to the team/theme [0-5]
B: Realism of choice (Could this be used in the NHL) [0-4]







Does that shit slap [4] Awesome song, great vibe, has a real edge to it. Vocals are crisp, classic Heart and late 70’s / early 80’s rock. 
How good is the edit of the song for FHM [1.5] well timed cut, but it's very short. 
Is it annoying [0.9] Very short so not really annoying, it's a good riff that can be repeated without too much bother to the listener. 
Relevancy to the team/theme [5] Perfect score, literally the name and vibe of the team. 
Realism of choice [4] I could 100% see this used in the current NHL and would fit on a variety of rosters, maybe even the Kraken?!

Does that shit slap [3] Hard rockin’ punk anti-establishment, good rhythm but lacks the X factor of other contemporaries like Green Day. 
How good is the edit of the song for FHM [1.5] Comes in very strong, not a smooth transition or finish, and is very short.
Is it annoying [0.6] Fast edit but pretty abrasive, stacked up could get a little much.
Relevancy to the team/theme [1] Your guess is as good as mine as to what relevance this has to Edmonton or the Blizzard, I looked up the band they are from New Hope, Pennsylvania. 
Realism of choice [0] Having “Fuck” be the key word in your goal song would likely not fly in any nationally broadcast sport. 


Does that shit slap [5] A keystone song for the NY Drill scene cementing its place on the world stage, amazing impact from this song is still felt across the industry to this day. 
How good is the edit of the song for FHM [1] Ultimately is just “wait, wait,wait, Eyyy, Eyyy, wooo (haha)” 
Is it annoying [0.7] Being just adlibs from the song it doesn't have the catchy factor and can irritate. 
Relevancy to the team/theme [2] No direct correlation, you could push it and say drill matches with “renegades'' as it is often associated with underground/criminal behavior. I get the theme, but it's hard to match it up directly. 
Realism of choice (Could this be used in the NHL) [3] I think a different cut of the song could certainly be used, it is a very popular song still 3 years after release. 

Does that shit slap [5] I grew up with Queen, absolutely legendary band and this is one of their better songs.  
How good is the edit of the song for FHM [2] Catchiest and most relevant part “Don’t stop me now” is exactly what a cocky player would say after scoring. 
Is it annoying [0.9] Very good, literally makes sense when played in repetition. 
Relevancy to the team/theme [3] Here im gonna ding ya, unfortunately no direct tie in. INITIAL SCORE WAS 1 BUT THEN I REALIZED “QUEEN” IS A MONARCH. TAKE YOUR BONUS POINTS.
Realism of choice [4] second max score for a category in the same run, very catchy and pro-crowd song that gets people excited that the home team is doing things. 


ARTICLE BROKEN IN 5 PARTS DUE TO POSTING RESCTIRICTONS