Vaseline Podcalzone is a Russian amateur benchwarmer for the Seattle Argonauts of the SMJHL. Podcalzone was drafted 23rd overall because he could not bench press or do a single push up at the draft combine, and should have, IN FACT, gone much lower. His rookie season was one of the most disappointing in recent history, and Vaseline Podcalzone is PROJECTED to be EASILY one of the largest DRAFT BUSTS in the history of SIMULATION HOCKEY!

Podcalzone is a noted PLAYOFF CHOKER, as he was a MAJOR REASON why the Seattle Argonauts were swept by the EVENTUAL CHAMPION TEXAS RENEGADES in the second round of the SEASON 59 PLAYOFFS! Podcalzone only had ONE BUM GOAL THAT HE GOT A LUCKY TIP ON in TEN GAMES!

OVERALL, Podcalzone should HANG UP HIS SKATES and return to play hockey in Russia, where PLAYERS of lower calibre LIKE HIM should play! PODCALZONE IS EASILY THE WORST PLAYER I HAVE SEEN PLAY HOCKEY EVER WITH MY OWN EYES!

WC: 163