Miguel Hefeweizen claims to be some sort of hockey player, but as far as I can tell, he’d be far more successful doing something else, like selling used cars, or as a door to door salesman selling solar panels for your home. So far, he’s had two very unremarkable seasons in the SMJHL, before being kicked out of Maine and traded to St. Louis. His name is also kind of confusing, like he’s some sort of failed cultural beer fusion that’s confused on whether it should be drunk in a biergarten, or on the beach in Cancun, two places that are complete opposites from one another. I’ve also heard that he claims to be a good cook, but that several teammates have gotten food poisoning after eating Miguel’s food, which I wouldn’t even feed to starving, stray dogs. Finally, what’s with that greasy, pathetic attempt at a porn-stache? The 1980’s called, Miguel, and they want their creepy pedo facial hair back.

161 words